Runaways
by ochalke5
Summary: it takes place when Bella still lived with her mom. She was sort of a bad girl and ended up having to move out to Forks to hide her mistake, or that’s what people say. She's running away from her past. but will Forks be the future she's looking for? Dark.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! I'm trying out a new fanfiction… I'm not sure if it'll take but it was a dream I had (I know it sounds slightly corny) and I want to see what happens so.**

**A little background on the story****: it takes place when Bella still lived with her mom. She was sort of a bad girl and ended up having to move out to Forks to hide her mistake, or that's what people say.**

**(I'm starting out with a flash back)**

**Chapter One**

"_Bella! Why won't this stupid dress fit?" Renee shouted. We'd gotten me a coming out dress and it didn't fit anymore._

"_We must have given the seamstress the wrong measurements…" Renee muttered incoherently to herself. I took off the dress and wondered why I didn't fit into it. I was sure I hadn't gained the weight. I sighed. We went back and got the dress refitted. Renee was rich. She and my dad who was always away traveling. I didn't get along with either of them. it was annoying I was the worst child in their eyes._

_It'd been a few weeks later and I wasn't feeling well. _

"_Mom, I'm not feeling well." I said as my face was buried in the toilet._

"_Let, me take you to the doctor…" Renee said. I didn't disagreed. She got me to the doctor and I took a million tests. I couldn't stand it. I had to run to the bathroom once._

_Finally the doctor came back to talk to me. My mom was out in the waiting room._

"_Um, Bella… you're pregnant." The woman whispered with big eyes._

"_But… how…?" I started to ask and then remembered. I shivered._

"_Would you like me to call your mother back in?" She asked. I took a shaky breath and nodded._

"_So… what is it?" She barked as she walked in the door._

"_Bella would you like to tell her or should I?" She asked. I shook my head._

"_Mom… I'm pregnant." I mumbled. Renee just started at me._

"_Are you sure?" She asked. Renee hated teen pregnancies._

"_Well, we could do an ultrasound to be safe if you'd like?" The doctor said._

"_Yes." Renee said. The woman led us to another room. She laid me down on a table and put some gel on my stomach and all of the sudden I heard a heart beat._

_I froze. _

"_Holy shit…" Renee said._

"_Well, now if you chose not to have this baby that's fine… there are abortions or adoption…" Whoa, did she say abortion? I wasn't going to kill this baby and I wouldn't give it up. It was mine and I would take full responsibility for my child._

"_No." I said. I might have even cut her off mid sentence I wasn't really listening. They both stared at me._

"_I want to have this baby." I whispered. They both nodded. I went home. I continued school until I was put on bed rest._

I had my child. I ended up naming her after myself, Isabella Elizabeth Swan. I couldn't stand the pressure of having one know, I had a child and my mom and I don't get along what-so-ever. So I needed to pack up and leave. I was going to go off to Forks, Washington a small town when I a couple thousand dollars.

(One Year later)

We got off the plane in Port Angeles and I got a taxi.

I'd bought a house. It was tiny nothing much one bedroom ranch type house. It wasn't really anything but it was our new home. I took and shower while Izzy watched TV. I got out and we headed to bed. Since we had one bed room, we had one bed, Izzy slept with me.

I awoke early the next morning and got dressed for school. I sighed. I didn't want anyone to know about Izzy quite yet. She's a great kid but I just want her to live a normal life. I wanted her to know I'm proud and I love her… I just don't want to be judged again. I woke Izzy and got her ready for daycare.

I drove her off to daycare and checked her in. I picked her up.

"Bye kido!" I smiled.

"Bye mama!" she smiled. I set her down and she ran off to play. I walked out and headed back out to my truck, which I'd bought of a local man. He gave me a great deal mostly because I was desperate. I decided that I almost wanted people to know I had a daughter, I was proud of her. I wouldn't put it over the PA system but I wouldn't hide it either. I pulled up into the parking lot. I got my class list and headed off to my first class, English. I walked up to the teacher and he showed me to a seat in the back. I did this for all of my morning classes.

People were coming up to me and talking to me but none of them really getting to know me… they seemed scared to talk to me. I sighed. I didn't bite. It was finally lunch and I bought lunch and found an empty table. My thoughts flickered to Izzy; I hoped she was having a good day. I looked around and saw these people staring at me with interest. There were five people sitting at the table. There was a dark haired pixie girl she seemed to be fighting with the bonze haired boy. The other three just sat there and watched. There was a blonde haired boy who put his hand on the pixie girl's shoulder, the seemed to be dating. Then there was a bear of a man with brown curly hair sitting next to a beautiful blonde haired girl; they also seemed to be dating. The bronze haired boy looked back over at me with a look of interest. I looked away.

The lunch bell rang and I dumped my tray and headed to my last class biology. I was the one of the last kids to get there. I walked up to the teacher who gave me a book and told me to take the only empty seat. I turned around it. It was next to the bronze haired boy. I sighed; I hoped he didn't want to say something pointless; I was at my wits end with losers who don't know what to say to me.

I sat down and he looked at me. The teacher launched into a lecture. I tried to pay attention but he bronze haired boy kept staring at me. I finally looked over at him. He stared at me for a second and the looked away. I sighed. I went back to looking forward. The bell rang and I gather my things. I was walking towards the door when some girl walked into me and I dropped my books.

"Excuse me?" I said. She turned around.

"Is there something wrong?" She sneered.

"Um, yeah, pick up my books since I know you saw me walking." I said.

"No, you dropped them." She said. I started at her.

"You have eyes?" I asked. She looked at her friend and then back to me. These girls looked so fake it was disgusting. She nodded

"So eyes send a message to the brain, someone's walking you slow down or move to the side, right?" I asked.

"Sure but…" She started. I shook my head.

"No… no buts now pick up my stuff." I said. She had a staring contest with me but finally just picked it up.

"Wow, thank you… that's so sweet of you… I'm Bella, and you are?" I asked sweetly.

"I'm Jessica." She muttered and walked away. I laughed once she left the room. I heard a chair behind me. I thought I was the only one left in the room. I turned around. It was the bronze hair boy.

"See you tomorrow." I said and went to get Izzy. I only had a few thousand dollars; I needed to get a job. This would be tough. I'd need a job where Izzy could be there with me. I sighed. I cooked dinner and we turned in early. Izzy was tired and wasn't in a talking mood.

**Hit or miss? Please review… I'm not sure how this story's going.**

**Songs I recommend:**

**All I want to do – Sugarland **

**I'm like a bird – Nelly Furtado **


	2. Chapter 2

"_I never needed nobody, to come and hold me hand  
I never needed nobody, to take me thru' the land  
Never needed nobody, to tell me make a stand  
I'm experienced man, I can understand,  
I know how to get along"  
- Jimmy Cliff's [lyrics to Wahjahka Man]_

**I hope you guys enjoyed the last chapter.**

**Chapter Two**

Over the next month things were normal. I'd gotten a weekend and night job working as a maid at an old in. It was called the Independence Inn. The owner allowed me to bring Izzy and the front desk person could watch her. This worked out well but I wasn't having enough income. I had to talk to the owner.

"Mia," I started.

"Yes dear?" She asked. Mia was an older woman who was kind and caring.

"I don't think I'll be able to work anymore… I've got to fine a cheaper place to live… I'm running out of money and I can't afford the house I'd bought… I'm terribly sorry." I whispered. I loved this job but I couldn't support my family. Izzy was asleep on my shoulder.

"Bella, we've got that old potting shed out back and we don't use it for the guests… since you work here… I could take out a small fee and allow you to live there if you'd choose." She said. I looked up at her.

"Oh Mia… I couldn't ask that of you." I said.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not asking you, I'm telling you." She said.

"Oh thanks!" I smiled and hugged her. She laughed.

"This is good. I'll move after school tomorrow." I smiled.

"Thanks again Mia." I said and Izzy and I headed back to the truck.

"Mama?" Izzy asked.

"Yes sweetie?" I asked as I buckled her into my truck.

"What's going on? Are we moving?" She asked with her big blue eyes. She looked so much like her father.

"Sorta… kido we're going to live at the Inn until I can get some more money… we're moving tomorrow after daycare." I told her. She nodded. I hurried home. I gave Izzy a bath and we headed to bed.

The alarm went off to early this morning. I slowly awoke and got ready. I hadn't done any laundry yet so I just threw on some sweats. I dressed Izzy and then we headed out for school. I brought her in for daycare.

"Alright kido, I'll meet you back here after school and we'll move." I smiled. This wouldn't be too hard considering we hadn't really unpacked, and we didn't have that much. She reached her arms upward. I smiled and picked her up.

"I love you mama." She whispered. I squeezed her.

"I love you too kido." I smiled. I set her back down and she ran off. I smiled and headed off to school. Being away from her was hard. I parked my truck and it was raining so I sat in my truck. I was early enough. A sliver Volvo parked next to me and the bronze haired boy was got out and stared at me threw the window and smiled. He opened and umbrella and tapped on the window. I looked over at him.

"What?" I shouted threw the window. This made him roar with laughter. I sighed.

"Would you like to use my umbrella…?" He asked. I shrugged and got out of the car. We walked towards the building.

"I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, I'm Edward Cullen." He said. I glanced up at him.

"Hello." I said. He stared at me with probing eyes.

"Um… you're Bella right?" he asked.

"Um, yeah." I said. He nodded. I kept thinking about how we'd move in the rain.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Um… I've got to move my stuff after school… and I'm afraid it's going to get wet in the truck bed." I answered without even thinking.

"Oh, where are you moving?" He asked.

"Over near the Independence Inn." I said. He nodded.

"We could help you move… We've got a Jeep… it's pretty big…" He said.

"I might take you up on that Edward." I said we almost inside. "Thanks for walking me." I said and ducked inside and headed to my English class. Lunch came quickly today. I bought my lunch and sat at some table. I noticed that everyone almost always sat in the same spot. I moved to whichever table I fancied. But what was the hardest thing, after a month of being here, nobody, sat with me. Izzy said she made friends with a girl named Lane, so at least she was covered. I'd survive, and anyways, it was more important for a two year old to have friends rather than a sixteen year old. I had Izzy.

The Cullens sat a table away from me. I could faintly hear them talking.

"Edward… why would you offer to help her?" The big burly guy asked. I didn't want to look over because I didn't want them to know I was ease dropping. I started picking at my lunch.

"She's got to move… and I don't think she's really got any family or many friends… Emmett, it's not like she bites." Edward snarled. So the big one was Emmett.

"It's not her we're worried about." The blonde haired girl piped up.

"Rose." The blonde haired boy said.

"Jasper?" Rose threatened. The threat sent chills down my spine.

"Enough all of you… it'll be fine…" the pixie one said.

"Alice are you sure?" Jasper asked.

"Of course." Alice muttered. Wow… I wondered what was wrong with me that nobody wanted to hang out. I shrugged. I finally allowed one glance up at them. They were all chatting too quiet for me to hear now. Emmett tapped Edward and his head jerked in my direction. Edward looked over and I was going to look away but I was locked into his gaze. The bell rang and I tore my gaze. I headed out back out into the rain. I pulled up my hood and headed toward my last class. I got there and I was almost late again. I took my seat next to Edward.

"So… I was thinking… I'd take you up on the offer, if it still stands." I said, leaving him to rescind.

"Of course, when do you want me to be there?" He asked.

"Well, we have be out of the house tonight so right after school okay?" I asked. He nodded. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and I think he sent a text.

"Yeah… I'll just have Alice; bring the Jeep back to school. She had a doctor's appointment." He muttered. He snapped his phone shut and class began.

"Wait…" He said. I looked over at him. He looked very beautiful. He had pale skin and golden eyes that matched his bronze hair. He was god like.

"Who's..?" he asked in a soft voice. Mr. Banner called on Edward. He answered the question which I hadn't heard. I turned back to the front and started taking notes. I wondered what he was going to ask. Biology went by quickly this afternoon. I gather my things and Edward and I left the room.

"We just have to get the keys from Alice." He muttered as he looked for her. We headed out to the parking lot when I heard a, "Edward!" it didn't sound like the bell voice Alice had. It was Jessica.

"What's going on here?" Jessica asked.

"We're leaving Jessica." Edward said. He seemed annoyed and didn't hide his distaste very well.

"Hello Bella." Jessica sneered. I looked at her and started laughing. Edward started at me completely confused.

"What?" Jessica asked.

"Um… nothing." I said and shook my head.

"Hey Edward." Alice said. She was standing next to a Jeep holding the keys in her hand with the rest of the Cullens.

"Hi Bella." Alice smiled.

"Hi… Alice." I said. I assumed it was Alice at any rate. She smiled and glanced at Edward.

"Do you need extra hands?" She asked.

"We really don't have that much stuff…" I admitted. It was raining so we hurried to the cars.

"Um, do you just want to follow me?" I asked. He nodded. I got in my truck and pulled out of the parking lot. Edward was following close behind. I went to get Izzy. I parked the car. Edward got out.

"You live here?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I've got to get Izzy." I said. HE was walking with me.

"Who's Izzy?" He asked.

"Izzy's my daughter. She just turned two a few days ago." I said. He didn't mask his shock very well.

"I'm sorry to blind side you with this." I said. Izzy came running over.

"Mama!" She smiled. I picked her up and gave her a hug.

"Who's that boy?" She asked staring at Edward. I turned around and his eyes were wide.

"He's going to help us move." I smiled. She nodded.

"You ready?" I asked her.

"Yes mama." She said. I smiled.

"She looks a lot like you." He said.

"Well, I should hope so." I laughed. I got her into her car seat and walked around towards the driver's side.

"Bella…" Edward started.

"Don't worry about it." I said. He nodded. I drove out to the ranch. I loved this house and maybe some day I'd be able to buy I again. I got Izzy out of her car seat and she raced inside to our room.

"This isn't much but its home." I muttered and Edward and I walked inside.

"So what's Izzy stand for?" He asked.

"Isabella." I said. He laughed.

"What?" I asked. We were inside now.

"I think it's funny you named her after yourself." He said. He looked around. I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinets. There was barely anything in there. I was able to put our food in one tiny box.

"Izzy?" I called.

"Yes mama?" She called. I couldn't find her.

"Marco!" I called.

"Polo!" She answered. It was our system so we could find each other. I ran into the bed room she was packing up our clothes. I smiled.

"Want some help?" I asked. She nodded. "Maybe if you asked Edward he'll help?" I smiled. I turned around and Edward was leaning against the door frame. I forgot how to breathe.

"Edward?" Izzy asked with her gorgeous blue eyes. "Can you help with me and mama's clothes, please?" She asked. I laughed.

"Sure." He smiled. They were packing up clothes. I was out getting some boxes of books, movies, and my vinyl together. I labeled them too.

"Edward, can you help me bring these too the car?" I yelled. "Iz, we'll be right back!" I called Edward grabbed boxes. I heard him chuckle as we carried them out.

"What's so funny?" I asked confused.

"You've got a ton of vinyl." HE said.

"Yeah, my parents bought most of it." I said. We loaded up his car with the boxes and went back inside for the food. Edward carried that out and I helped Iz with the clothes.

"All done mama!" She smiled. I smiled at her.

"Good… kido. You got everything?" I asked. We looked around and she grabbed our two pillows and her blanket and bear.

"Yep." She said. I turned around and Edward was standing there. He grabbed our two bags of clothes. I grabbed Izzy and we headed out to the cars. I got her into her car seat and headed over by Edward.

"Do you have enough room?" I asked. He was staring at the back of his car.

"Um… are you sure this is all you're stuff?" He asked. I nodded.

"We don't have much." I said which was oblivious if you had eyes.

"I know…" He said. He looked worried. I took a deep breath.

"You want to follow us?" I asked. He nodded. I hopped in the car.

"Mama?" Izzy said as we drove.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Do you like Edward?" She asked. I shook my head.

"Um, no he's just a friend." I said. She nodded.

"Why do you ask?" I asked.

"I think he's nice." She said. I nodded.

"How's daycare?" I asked her.

"Good, Lane's really nice mama, you'd like her." She promised.

"I'm sure I would." I smiled. We got to the Inn and I pulled up to the back potting shed. I parked the car and Edward was next to me. I let Izzy run inside with her stuff she had in the car. I helped Edward with the boxes.

"Bella, is this your house?" He asked.

"Well, I work here and Mia said I could stay here for practically nothing… and we don't have a lot of money right now…and I'm not really talking to my parents… and it's perfect for us." I said. I grabbed some boxes and headed inside. I set the down. The walls had a rose bud wall paper. There was one bed. There was a living/ kitchen area. There was a bathroom which was in another small room. And the bedroom and the living/kitchen area were all connected. We finished moving in and Izzy had fallen asleep on the couch. Edward helped me put stuff away.

"Thanks Edward." I smiled. He nodded I walked him back out to his car.

"Don't worry about it." He said. I nodded he got in his car and left. I walked back inside. I showered and got ready for bed. I let Izzy sleep on the couch tonight. Mia gave me the night off.

**Hit or miss? Please review. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

"_People judge you every second of everyday. All you have to do is prove them wrong, every second of everyday." – Natalie _

**Chapter Three**

Things were hard for Izzy and I but we made it work. She loved the Inn and she was so well behaved. School was hard. None of the Cullens talked to me after Edward helped me. I wondered if there was some rumor about me going around that I didn't hear about. I brushed it off. It was Saturday and I had the night off so Izzy and I were going to have a movie night.

We were in the lobby. She and I were spinning in circles in the lobby while Mia worked the front desk.

"Come on mama! Again!" Izzy laughed. I sighed. I stood up and we grabbed each other's arms and ran in circles. We fell over laughing. Mia laughed at us. It was almost eight o'clock. The door opened as we lay on the floor laughing. Izzy crawled next to me and laid down next to me. I was still laughing with Mia.

"Welcome to the Independence Inn." Mia gasped as she wiped away tears.

"Could I have two rooms?" I knew that voice.

"Edward!" Izzy exclaimed. I hated having her meet people that wouldn't stay in her life because she got too attached. She got up and ran over by him. He looked at her and smiled.

"Hello Izzy." He said. Mia handed him the room keys. Izzy babbled about something. I smiled at her. She needed a father and I felt bad that her's wasn't here. Edward and Izzy came over by me on the floor.

"Are you okay mama?" Izzy asked. I wondered what my expression looked like. I was about to answer when someone spoke.

"Edward!" That voice I didn't know. Two beautiful girls came up to Edward and hugged him. One was a pale beautiful girl with strawberry blonde hair the other had deep chocolate hair.

"Tanya. Irina." Edward said in his velvet voice.

"Who are you sweetie?" Tanya asked. Izzy was being a little shy and hid partially behind Edward's leg.

"I'm Izzy Swan." She whispered. She looked so cute. She dressed herself today in my Beatles tee shirt and some jeans.

"Hello Izzy, I'm Tanya… where's your mom?" She asked and glanced at Edward. He shook his head at her face. Izzy pointed over to me. She came over and sat next to me.

"Hi." I smiled. I stood. Irina and Tanya weren't very good at hiding their shock either.

"Hello…" She said.

"Oh, I'm Bella… I go to school with Edward." I said. They nodded they composed their faces better.

"I'm Tanya and this is my sister Irina." Tanya said.

"It's nice too meet you…" I said.

"Mama, can we watch our movie?" She whispered. I picked her up.

"In a minute." I whispered.

"How old is she?" Irina asked.

"She just turned two last month." I said. They nodded.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, where are your parents?" Tanya asked.

"In Arizona." I said. Their façades broke again.

"And the father?" Irina asked. My mask of my own broke I'm sure.

"Um, he's also in Arizona… it's been nice meeting you two… but we should get going." I said.

"I'll see you around." I muttered and Izzy and I headed off. She rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel her staring at them. We got back to our house and I put in a movie.

"What movie mama?" Izzy asked with big eyes.

"Alice in Wonderland." I smiled. It had always been a favorite of mine. She clapped her hands. We started watching and Izzy fell asleep against me. I sighed. I wanted to do more for her, but I wasn't sure how. I fell asleep.

Sunday went by quickly. Soon it was Monday morning. I'd taken Izzy to daycare and headed off to school. People no longer came up to me in the halls… nobody noticed me anymore. I sat at a lovely lunch table that could fit ten, but I only needed one. I looked down and ate my lunch. I hated lying to Izzy but I told her I had made friends, just so she'd keep making friends.

I felt someone staring at me. I glanced up. Alice was standing a few feet away from my table with her siblings and the two other girls. After talking for a minute they sat down a table away from me. I bent my head down and ate.

"…And honestly Alice, you wonder why she's got no friends? She lives in a shed at the old Inn… she's got a two year old daughter and her parents and the mysterious father are back in Arizona… There's something weird about her. Edward… did you hear anything?" Tanya asked. I sighed.

"I told you I couldn't." He sounded annoyed at Tanya.

"All I'm saying is…she doesn't seem to be reaching out." Tanya said.

"Tanya… you don't know anything about her. Or why she left… or how she got the baby. I wouldn't just assume it was for fun… it could be many possibilities." Edward said.

"What are you thinking?" Alice asked.

"Well, it could've been from a rape…" Edward said. My head shot up and I stared at them. I now knew the rumors of why nobody would talk to me. My eyes started to fill up with tears. The Emmett caught my eyes. He looked pained. The Jasper followed his gaze to me. I couldn't believe people thought my beautiful daughter was from a rape. The tears started to stream madly down my face. There was a door on the other side of the Cullen's table. I quickly got up and ran past them. It was pouring outside. I sat down on a bench. I brought my knees up to my chest. I started to shake; my whole body just violently shaking.

"Bella?"

"Go away!" I said and buried my head into my knees. He sat down next to me.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"I over heard you talking at lunch." I shot my head up. "How dare you even think that my beautiful daughter was from a rape?" I shouted at him. "She was a mistake, but a good one and I'd never change anything!" I shouted. I jumped up and I saw his family watching me.

"Bella… it was just a guess…" He whispered.

"No… Edward just leave me alone! You don't know anything about me… you don't have the slightest clue what my life is about!" I shouted.

"You think I don't know what pain is?" he asked as he too was shouting. He stood up.

"Yes… do you have to worry about the fact that you don't know if there's going to be a head over you and your daughter's head at night?" I shouted. "Do you have to skimp on food so you can buy clothes and diapers? Do you have money problems? Do you worry about your daughter not having her father?" I shouted at him. He just looked at me.

"No. No I don't' worry about those things." HE said. He looked extremely sad.

"Well I do. And I don't know if you noticed but it's hard to look into her face and tell her anything bad. And it's even harder when she looks a whole hell of a lot like her father." I growled. "I couldn't look at her for weeks! My own daughter!" I started to cry harder.

Edward took a step towards me. I backed up shaking my head.

"Just leave us alone!" I spit the words at him. My only to-be-friends and I was running away from them, like everything else. I ran back to my truck. I sat there and tried to calm myself down. I heard a soft tap on the window. I closed my eyes hoping they'd go away.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

I drew in a ragged breathe. I opened the door and moved over on the bench seat of my truck.

"Bella… I had no idea." He whispered. I shook my head.

"You honestly think I want people to know that?" I shook my head. "That's why I got away." I whispered.

"Bella, we'll help you out. Esme and Carlisle would have no problem with it." He said.

"No… I don't take money or loans from friends. I won't take money and I won't let you give or buy me anything." I said in a shaky voice. I finally looked him in the eyes. He pulled me in for a hug.

"I'm so scared that I won't be able to provide for her Edward… she can't get taken away… she's my only friend. She's my life." I whispered. Edward just held me. I don't know how long we sat there. I finally stopped crying.

"Remember, we'll have you over for dinner, or even to hang out… and if you'd like Esme works from home and loves kids and would love to babysit." Edward whispered.

"Really?" I asked. He nodded.

"Why don't you come over sometime to meet Carlisle and Esme." He suggested. I nodded.

"Alright… I'm going to get Izzy it's been a long day." I whispered.

"Are you okay to drive?" He asked. I nodded. He didn't look so sure.

"May I drive you?" He asked. I shrugged. Edward drove me to pick up Izzy. He parked the car and waited for me. I ran inside. Izzy came running over to me.

"Mama, what's the matter?" She whispered.

"I had a long day." I whispered. "But Edward's in the car." I smiled so did she. I ran back out to the truck and bucked her in. Edward started driving somewhere.

"Edward, we live the other way." I said. He smiled.

"I'm taking you to meet Esme and Carlisle." He said. Izzy clapped her hands. I took a deep breath.

"Relax Bella." Edward whispered as he pulled up the long drive way.

**Hit or miss? I'm not sure about this story… I might delete it… something seems off. Please review.**

**Songs I recommend:**

**Highway to Hell – AC/DC**

**Dark side of the Moon – Mulan soundtrack**

**Iron Man – Black Sabbath **


	4. Chapter 4

"_Hey Momma, look at me  
I'm on my way to the promised land…"  
ACDC (Lyrics from Highway to Hell)_

**Chapter Four**

The bell was ringing I and woke up. I was sitting in third period Spanish. I glanced around. It was a dream? I was completely disoriented. Was everything that has just happened… a dream? I didn't have run out of the lunch room? I remember meeting his family or friends… but I didn't even have lunch yet. Why would I even dream about Edward and his family? This was just one of the Twilight Zone days. I shook it off and quickly headed out to lunch. It was pouring so I pulled my hood up as I trucked across campus to the lunch room. I bought my lunch and looked for a place to sit.

Every table seemed to be full. I headed towards the back but there wasn't an empty table. I finally decided to head back out into the rain. I was heading for the dumpsters when I heard a bell like voice.

"Hi Bella…" It sounded like Alice. I turned around and it was Edward's pixie like sister.

"Hi Alice." I muttered.

"Do you want to sit with us?" She asked. I glanced over at them all staring at me.

"Alice, I'm really not hungry… I was just heading out." I said. The smile fell off her face.

"You're sure?" She asked. I nodded. She just stared off at something. I used this as an escape. I hurried back out into the rain. I ran to my truck. I started the car and listen to my favorite CD. I closed my eyes and sat there. Maybe I should just duck out now and spend some time with Izzy… but I know she'd ask why I'm picking her up so early. I sighed. I saw kids walking outside and the rain died down so I turned off the car and hurried inside.

Mr. Banner had left the room muttering to himself and he looked pissed. I sighed. I took my seat next to Edward. I felt him staring at me. I shivered.

"Um, thanks again for helping me out." I said. I didn't want to seem ungrateful for the help he gave me.

"Don't worry about it." He said. There was another awkward pause and then he said, "How's Izzy?" I looked at him now. I stared at him trying to figure out what he wanted from me.

"She's good." I said. He nodded. Mr. Banner came in wheeling a giant TV behind him. The class cheered for we were having a movie day. I was sitting near the window and I shifted until I was laying on my books staring out the window. I closed my eyes. I just needed a few minutes of sleep. With work and school and Izzy, I just had no time to sleep or to myself. But Izzy was my life so if she was happy I was happy.

I felt a like tap on my shoulder. I slowly sat up and looked over. The lights were on and Mr. Banner was talking. Edward woke me up.

"Did I fell asleep again?" I asked myself out loud.

"Again?" he asked.

"I haven't been getting much sleep lately." I admitted. He didn't seem to like this. I could literally feel the bags under my eyes getting bigger. I shook my head and looked up at Mr. Banner. The bell rang and I gather my things and headed out to my truck. It was raining when I hit the big doors. I hesitated for a second, but that was long enough.

"Hey Bella!" I clenched my hands into fists. This family just wouldn't leave me alone and I had my own things to worry about. I started out the door but he caught up with me.

"Bella, is everything alright?" He asked.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you." I lied. He nodded. I quickened my pace so I'd get to my truck faster.

"Um…" Edward started he wanted to say something. I stopped walking and stood in the middle of the parking lot.

"Just spit it out. What is it?" I asked letting my annoyance sparkle threw.

"Well, I was just wondering if you were okay?" He asked. I sighed.

"Um, yeah, I'm great." I said darkly. He looked annoyed.

"I'm only trying to help you." He said with an edge to his voice.

"I've got to get Izzy." I said. I glared at him and ran off to my truck. I got in and raced to the daycare place. I walked in and I saw Izzy and Lane playing I smiled. Izzy saw me and hugged Lane and came running over. She had her arms stretched out for me to hug her. I smiled and knelt down. She ran into my arms. I loved this. She was at this stage in her life when every time I came to get her she'd give me greeting as if we hadn't seen each other in years.

"How was school?" She asked.

"It was good. I got wet though." I laughed. "How was daycare?" I asked as I picked her up. I headed back out to the truck and drove home.

"It was good!" She smiled. We got home.

"Izzy are you hungry?" I asked her. She nodded. I cooked up a grill cheese sandwich. She ate that and watched TV as I got cleaned up for work.

"Izzy… mama's got to go to work… do you want to go by Mia?" I asked.

"Mama, can't I stay here?" She asked.

"I'm sleepy." She said. I sighed. I didn't want to leave her alone… but I knew she'd be careful...

"I'll put in a movie and I'll lock the door and you'll stay put… promise?" I asked she smiled and nodded. I stuck in a movie and locked the door as I headed out for work. Work was longer tonight that it should've been. I walked back to the potting shed and unlocked the door. Izzy was out on the floor. I picked her up and turned off the TV and I fell asleep.

The rest of the week went in the same fashion. Long. I was working my butt off and I was doing well at work and at school. It was tough. I felt like I needed something to motivate me to keep on going. Well, my motivation was Izzy. I couldn't send her back to the life I left but I couldn't let her suffer. She was going to have what I didn't have as a child. That was the promise I made myself.

**Hit or Miss?**

**Songs I recommend:**

**Another Brick in the Wall part 1, 2, & 3 – Pink Floyd **

**The happiest days of our lives – Pink Floyd **


	5. Chapter 5

"_All in all it was just another brick in the wall_

_All in all it was just bricks in the wall"_

_-Pink Floyd (Lyrics to Another Brick in the Wall Part I) _

**Chapter Five**

Izzy and I spend the day at the park. Mia gave me Sundays off because of Izzy. Izzy was growing up so fast… I was scared that she wouldn't get to be a child. I tried to do more fun things with her. We spend the whole day at the park. Forks only had one park, but nobody was there.

I heard footsteps but I didn't pay much attention to it.

"Mama!" Izzy called. I looked over at her. "Watch me!" She smiled. I watched her. She crossed the monkey bars. I started cheering for her.

"Yay Iz!" I laughed. She smiled and was running like a mad man.

"Bella?" Asked a voice I knew. I froze. They sat down next to me.

"Oh my god!" I shuddered. It was the gut wrenching voice I hated.

"What are you doing here? Are Renee and Charlie with you?" I took a deep breath.

"Hey Britany… and no, it's only me and Izzy… Charlie and Renee are back in Arizona. What are you doing out here?" I asked her. Britany and use to be friends together back in Arizona but, once I got pregnant she stopped talking to me.

"We're just passing threw… But it was good to see you." She said. I nodded. She walked away and started talking to someone.

"Guess who I ran into?" She said. She disappeared off. I sighed. It was getting dark.

"Izzy… Let's go home!" I called. She came running over. I held her hand and we walked back to the Inn. She was getting tired so I picked her up. She fell asleep before we got home. I smiled.

"Izzy, wake up…" I muttered. She woke up.

"I've got to give you a bath quickly." I told her. She nodded. She walked into the bathroom and got cleaned up. I make some Mac and Cheese. She was dressed in some sweats and came and sat at the table.

"Hungry?" I asked. She nodded. I handed her a bowl and a spoon. We ate dinner and talked.

"So, tomorrow you ready for daycare?" I asked. She launched into a story about daycare. I smiled. She was such a perfect child. I got her into bed and then I cleaned up and headed to bed.

The alarm clock was beeping and I was ready to throw it against the wall. I quit smoking when I found out I was having Izzy, but with the stress of my life I was thinking about starting up again. I knew I shouldn't because it's not good for me or Izzy. I shrugged it off. I looked at the calendar, it was my birthday today. I sighed. I rolled out of bed. I was digging around for something slightly fancier to wear. I rummaged around my closet of clothes. I found a vintage half sweater that came a little past my elbows. It was a purple. I found a shirt I splatter painted and slipped that on with my dark washed bell bottoms. I woke up Izzy and got her ready for daycare.

"Mama… isn't today your birthday?" Izzy asked as we were in the car. I couldn't believe she remembered.

"Yeah Iz it is." I laughed.

"Happy birthday." She smiled. I glanced over at her and she looked just like her father it hurt to look. I glanced back at the road.

"Thanks Izzy." I said. I took her into daycare and hurried off to school. It was warm out but it wasn't sunny. I rolled down the window and blasted my favorite mixed CD. It was mostly Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath. I pulled into the parking lot. Everyone was in shorts and summer clothes. It was nice but not that nice. I was early so I sat in my car and listened to my CD. People were staring at me. But I had rewired the stereo system and took out the passenger air bag and added speakers and got whole new ones. It was my birthday gift. I'd finally emailed my parents my new address. I told them I okay and everything. I haven't heard back yet.

I smiled as I was listening to music. It was my birthday, I was seventeen. A car parked next to me. I wasn't paying attention. I did hear, "Ah man I love this song!" I smiled and glanced out my window. It was the big burly guy, Emmett I think it was. He was tapping his foot to the beat. They were hanging out a spot away from me by their car. I leaned my head back against the head rest. I leaned over to the glove box and pulled out the cigarettes. I grabbed a lighter and lit one up. It burned my lunges but it felt comforting. I exhaled and someone caught my eye. It was Jasper. He was staring at me… with interest… it was hard to read.

I flicked my cigarette out the window and exhaled the smoke and turned off the car. I stepped out of the car.

"Happy Birthday Bella." I muttered darkly as I stared at the school. It was like demon that just hurt you some way. I wasn't even sure why I wasn't working instead of school. Izzy deserved more than a high school drop out for her mother, that's why I stayed in school. I hurried past the eyes of the Cullens.

"She's hot." Jasper said.

"Yeah, I agree." Emmett said. I thought they were dating Alice and Rose… maybe not… I wasn't sure.

"You guys are pigs. Remember, she's got a child." Rose muttered.

"Don't worry Rosie." Emmett laughed. I shivered and hurried towards my first class. I got there and sat down. I saw Jasper come in; I didn't remember him being in this class. Nor did I remember him sitting next to me. I glanced over at him.

"Hello." He said smoothly. I started to smile.

"Hi." I said as turned back towards the front of the class.

"So… are you liking it here?" He asked. I didn't get people here. I've been here a month and nobody wants any part of me. Now for some reason, they realized I was here… I have no idea, but I didn't like it.

"Why do you bother, when I've been here almost two months now?" I asked him and titled my head to the side as I watched him sit there awkwardly. I nodded.

"Thought so." I said and turned around to the front.

"Wait…" He said as if I was going to get up and walk out which didn't sound like a bad idea right now.

"What?" I asked.

"It's just that…" He stammered over this for a minute. "I'm not sure." He admitted. At least he was honest.

"Emmett, Edward, and I have a band. You should come… we play Friday night." He said. I smiled. I had off this Friday but I couldn't go even if I wanted too, Izzy.

"Jasper, I'd love to see you guys… but I can't leave Izzy alone… and I know she wouldn't want to come." I said. His smile disappeared.

"Alice loves kids but she and Rose are coming…" He muttered.

"Aren't you and Alice dating?" I asked without thinking. He stared at me.

"No. where did you hear that?" He asked.

"Oh someone just told me… I forgot their name." I said.

"No… she's just a friend… Rose is my little sister, she's dating Emmett. And Edward was off and on with Angela, Jessica's friend." He said. I stared at him.

"So… are you all just friends?" I asked.

"Edward and I have been friends since we were little tikes… then we meet Emmett in grade school. We've all hung out ever since." He said. I nodded.

"So, is this band something new or old?" I asked wondering if they've been doing it a while.

"Well it started this year… but we've play a lot of gigs and its great. I love to play guitar." He smiled. He looked like such a little kid. He looked a lot like Izzy's father. Why did I always hang around the same people?

"You guys any good?" I asked. He shrugged.

"One way to find out." He laughed nervously.

"Mr. Hale… something you want to share with the rest of the class?" Mr. Vanner asked. He just looked down. I looked at the teacher. The bell rang. I gather my stuff and Jasper was walking with me.

"So, you'll think about coming?" He asked.

"I'll try if I can get a sitter, if you answer me a question." I told me.

"Deal, what's your question?" He asked.

"Why now?" I asked him and I looked up into his green eyes. His shaggy blonde hair fell into his eyes. We were outside and the sun hit him just right. I felt plain next to him. I was short with long curly brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"Because… now I can." He said. I stared at him.

"What does that mean?" I asked. He stopped walking and stared at me.

"It means before I couldn't… but I'm able too now… it's hard to explain… it's a guy thing." He said.

"It's a KS at eight. Try to come." He said. I nodded and headed off to my class. The rest of the day went by quickly. I picked up Izzy. I made dinner and got her ready for bed. I went to talk to Mia.

"Mia… do you know of a babysitter?" I asked her. She was working the front desk.

"Um… yes I do actually." She said. I looked at her.

"Really? Do you think they'll babysit Izzy?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Sookie." She called. This girl about my age came over to us. She was dressed in chief whites.

"Sookie works in the kitchen." Mia said.

"Hi I'm Bella… um, I was wondering, do you babysit?" I asked her.

"Yes I do." She smiled. She was nice. She was short a little rounder with red hair a green eyes.

"Would you like to babysit my daughter Izzy?" I asked her.

"Sure!" She smiled. "When?" She asked.

"Um, this Friday from seven thirty to about ten to ten thirty?" I asked.

"Sure I'd love to… Um, could you drop her off at my house?" She asked. "After work… I get done around seven." She said. I nodded thinking about that.

"Well…" I muttered.

"Where do you live?" She asked.

"Out in the old potting shed." I said.

"Oh, I can just bring her home with me." She smiled. This was so perfect.

"Thank you Sookie!" I smiled. She laughed.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bella!" Sookie waved and headed out.

I ran home to tell Izzy about my new friends.

**Hit or miss? I hope you like. And I'm not sure if I said it at all but the Cullens are humans… the couples aren't like the book… it's just Emmett and Rose. (Dating). And the band thing was last minute because my friends Jackson Rob and Luke started a band and they have a gig this Friday… so that explains that. (If you really wanted to know.) **

**Sorry I just rambled on.**

**Songs I recommend:**

**Black Water – Doobie Brothers**

**Rockin' down the Highway – Doobie Brothers.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Thursday night came faster than I was ready for. I wanted to get a new outfit and everything. I'd be saving up money and Izzy and I were going to go shopping. I was driving to daycare from school. I picked up Izzy and she was telling me all about her day. She finished.

"That's exciting Iz, do you want to go shopping with me?" I asked her. She loved shopping, I don't know where she got that from because neither me nor her dad liked to shop.

"Yay!" She clapped her hands and bounced all around. I smiled. It was a beautiful day outside. We rolled down the windows and blasted Izzy's new favorite album Pink Floyd: The Wall. I lit up a cigarette and we jammed out as we drove past. It was weird, Izzy didn't seem like a little two year old. She was smart and… a lot like myself. We drove past the school and the speed limit in town is only twenty. I wasn't going twenty. I got pulled over right in front of school. Izzy was reaching to turned down the music and I shook my head at her. Tons of people were still at school, including the Cullens. I sighed.

"Miss, do you know you were going thirty over the speed limit?" He asked. He started at me and then towards Izzy.

"How old are you?" He asked as he saw me smoking.

"I just turned seventeen." I said I reached over Izzy with the music still blaring and got my license out of the glove box. He glanced it over.

He nodded to himself.

"I'm going to have to give you a speeding ticket. And your sister should be in a car seat… that isn't a law its just safer." He said.

"That's not my sister and I left the car seat at home." I said slightly annoyed.

"That isn't your sister?" He asked.

I sighed, "No it's my daughter. Are you writing me up for that too?" I asked. I knew I shouldn't mouth off to a cop but I just wanted to leave and officer dick-weed would let me. He stared at me. He was a younger cop early twenties. He just wrote me up for speeding and drove off. I sat there with Izzy.

"Mama?" what just happened?" She asked. I took a drag of my cigarette.

"Iz, I was speeding, which is when I was going to fast down the road and officer dick-weed decided to pull me over and tell me not to do that again… and he gave me this paper to remind me." I said.

"His name's dick-weed?" She asked and giggled. I smiled.

"Izzy, no… I just called him a name… ahh, you shouldn't do that." I told her. She just laughed.

"Hey Bella." Jasper said as he crossed the road. I took another drag of my cigarette just as he came up so he'd have to talk.

"What's he pull you over for?" He asked. I exhaled.

"I was speeding a little." I said.

"How much is a little?" He asked.

"A little over thirty." I admitted sheepishly. He laughed. It sounded like velvet.

"So can you come to the show tomorrow?" He asked with a smile.

"The odds are looking good." I said. his smile grew. He glanced towards Izzy.

"Hello, little miss." He smiled. I glanced towards Izzy.

"Hello, Jasper." She said. we laughed.

"Jasper, this is my daughter Izzy. Izzy this is Jasper." I said. she smiled.

"But I'm afraid we've got to get going. See you tomorrow." I said. I pulled away from the curb and flicked my cigarette out the window as we drove off.

"Mama, is that who you're going to go see play tomorrow?" Izzy asked as she turned down the music.

"You are just full of questions today." I smiled. "And yes, it's his band." I said. we got to this little vintage shop down town. I got Izzy a dress she'll never wear but it was only five dollars. And then I got myself some jean bell bottoms with a vintage long sleeved shirt that flared out by the hands. We bought our stuff and then I took Izzy out to a diner.

We came home and Izzy played in the living room while she watched TV and I worked on my math. I finished and Izzy and I fell asleep on the couch. The alarm clock was going off. I threw a couch pillow at it. I missed and broke a lamp. I got up and headed over there to clean it up. I ended up slicing my finger open. I finished cleaning up and got ready for school. I got Izzy dressed. I took her off to daycare and I was early again. I sat in my truck. We didn't have band-aids, so I fashioned one out of a napkin and some tape. I sat there debating to if I should get one. I didn't like blood, it smelt weird so I didn't want to take it off. I sighed and got out of the car. Blood was running down my finger and it was making me nauseas. I stopped walking and put my hands out to steady me. But it didn't work lucky for me some pair of hands caught me. They propped me back upright.

"Are you alright?" I knew that voice.

"Um yeah thanks." I said and turned around it was Emmett.

"You look green." He said. I sighed.

"Thanks Emmett." I said.

"No really Bella, what's the matter?" He asked.

"I don't like blood and I sliced my finger open picking up a broken lamp… which I broke this morning… when I threw a pillow at my alarm clock and the lamp got in the way." I mumbled.

He roared with laughter.

"Emmett what's go funny?" Jasper asked. I shook my head. The blood soaked threw my napkin now. I swallowed hard.

"It's Bella." Emmett gasped. I shook my head.

"I'm fine… just a little blood." I told him. The rest of their group came over.

"Bella, you should get a real band-aid." Jasper said looked at my hand. He took off the bandage. I closed my eyes.

"It's deep. You should go to the nurse's office… can you walk?" He asked. Emmett stopped laughing now.

"I'm fine." I muttered but my knees gave out.

"I'll walk with you." Jasper muttered. I sighed. We got to the office and Mrs. Cope was there.

"Hello… what can I do for you?" She asked.

"It's nothing really I just need a…" Jasper cut me off. "She cut her finger and it looks deep." He said. Mrs. Cope lead us back to a tiny little room. This little old lady came in. She looked at my finger.

"Oh you don't need stitches… here let me get a bandage." She muttered and hobbled out of the room. I glared at Jasper.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm fine… all I needed was a band-aid." I growled. I wasn't happy about all this.

"Oh come on Bella, relax." He muttered. I rolled my eyes. The nurse came back in and put the goofy bandage on my finger.

"Now, young man, you keep an extra eye on him." She told him with a wrinkly finger. He nodded. We walked out of the office. The bell rang and neither of us picked up our pace.

"You know you don't have to walk with me… I'm just going to ditch out this period anyways." I finally said after an awkwardly uncomfortable silence.

"But didn't you hear the nurse?" He asked in all seriousness. "She said I had to look after you." He said. I stared at him.

"You jiving?" I asked him. He stared at me and his mask broke.

"Jiving?" He asked me.

"You serious?" I asked. He laughed. I was getting annoyed. "Listen, Mack, I'm just going to split." I said. he started laughing. I huffed and puffed a little and ended up turning around and walking the way we'd come. I was so sick of him laughing at my weird slang.

"Bella!" He called. I walked around towards the back of the school and sat on the top of a picnic table. I pulled out a cigarette.

"Bella, come on… don't be mad…" He said. I glanced over at him. I just took a drag. I was started to fall for him but I couldn't let him know that because from what I've heard. He doesn't date. He dated Alice their freshman year for a year… but something happened and he ended it. They both like each other… but they won't admit it. He gives really good one night stands, at least that's what I've been told… and I wasn't interested in a one night stand.

"Relax Mack." I said. he seemed like a Mack. He sat down.

"You've got a other one?" He asked. I pulled out my pack and handed it to him. We sat there.

"Izzy's really cute." He said after a long minute.

"Thanks." I whispered. There was something about Jasper… it could've been his lip piercing but I just wanted to kiss him. Instead I looked away and took a long drag.

"Why did you decide to move away?" He asked.

"I don't know… I just needed to get away. Izzy needed to grow up in a life where money doesn't mean anything back there with my parents, I was trapped and I didn't want that for Izzy." I said. he nodded.

"She's my life Jasper." I whispered.

"You two seem close… she seems older than she really is…" He said.

"I know… she's growing up fast." I said. I glanced over at him.

"What about you?" I asked. He shrugged. He was uncomfortable.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Trouble." He said as he was looking off. People started walking over.

It was just his friends, Edward, Emmett, Alice, Rose, Jessica, and Angela. They came over and I flicked my cigarette onto the ground.

"Hey…" Alice said. She was staring at Jasper.

"So what's going on?" She asked.

"We were talking about the show tonight." I said smoothly. Alice looked from me to Jasper.

"So you're coming?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I got a sitter for Izzy." I said. We started talking.

By the time I knew what was going on it was the end of the day. We all walked out to the parking lot.

"I've got to get Izzy… but do you want me to meet you there?" I asked.

"We were all going to ride together… do you want to just meet back here?" Jasper asked.

"Sure what time?" I asked.

"Around six." He said. I nodded. I got Izzy and made her dinner. Someone knocked on the door. I'd just gotten dressed.

"Hello." I said as I answered the door.

"Hi Bella!" Sookie smiled.

"Hi Sookie!" I smiled.

"I got off early… so do you want me to take Izzy now?" I asked.

"Izzy! Sookie's here." I called. Izzy came running over.

"Hi Sookie." Izzy smiled.

"Ah! She's so cute!" Sookie smiled. "Come on sweetie, you and I are going to have fun tonight!" Sookie laughed. I walked out to her car with her.

"Do you have any rules, I should know about?" She asked.

"No… but just don't cheat in board games or she'll put you in the corner." I laughed. Sookie smiled. They left and I headed back for the school. I got there and everyone looked all fancy. I felt extremely casual. I got out and walked over by them.

"Bella you look great!" Alice called. I smiled.

"So do you." I said. We hung out and then finally drove to KS. I was really excited. We were tight on space so I had to sit on Jasper's lap as Edward drove us. We came up to a turn and he put his arms around my waist so I wouldn't fall. He didn't move them. my heart was racing.

**Hit or miss? I hope you liked this chapter. I'm not sure if I'll get the next chapter out tomorrow… I'll try but I wanted you guys to have this incase it didn't come out tomorrow.**

**(P.S. I'm too tired to edit this tonight… I'll do it sometime this weekend…so sorry in advance if it's got grammar mistakes.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_(__Jasper's point of view__) _

School was crazy today Bella and I ditched out of English and ended up hanging out in the back of the school all day. Our group came out around lunch. Alice looked upset and Edward had a – be careful look on his face.

I knew it was risky getting involved with anyone but even more so wilt a mother. She had and baby and I wasn't a pops.

I was so nervous for Bella to come. We tailgated in the parking lot. I was nervous mostly because we had a reputation for being bad boys. Which was true, we smoke, drink, and partied. Emmett was the only one who ever really tried drugs. And we didn't' date, we had one night stands. Edward had a "fling" as he calls it with Angela but really they just have sex. Emmett did whatever with Rose; I tried not to listen when he talked about it.

I dated Alice my freshman year. I really thought she was the one, but things happened. I still liked her but it couldn't go anywhere. I didn't really look at anyone since then, it was just a one night deal.

Bella's truck came pulling in. I smiled. I lit up a cigarette to calm my nerves. She go out and started walking over. She looked amazing. She was wearing bell bottoms with a white shirt and a vintage looking leather coat. I let out a low whistle.

She came over and stood next to me. I flicked my cigarette towards the ground and we left school. Jessica wasn't going to drive with us but she ended up coming along and we didn't have enough seats.

"We're short seats." Jessica said. usually our girls weren't catty but they were today. I glanced out the door.

"We aren't that way, Bella you can share a seat with me." I smiled. She climbed in and shut the door. She sat on my lap. I put my hand on her knee and she turned to look out the window and blushed. I smiled. She was just so damn, cute. Edward drove like a mad man, and he likes to take his corners going eighty. I put my hands on her waist as we turned to help her from falling. I loved the closeness. I was praying we got stuck in traffic, we'd be early enough, our time was bummed up to nine anyways. It was only a little after six.

Everyone talked about how exciting this was. Bella was quiet. I wondered what she was thinking about.

"I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!" Emmett sang. I shook my head and everyone was laughing. I was nervous for Bella to see us. She glanced over at me.

"Are you excited?" She whispered.

"Actually, I'm nervous." I whispered.

"Shit!" Edward cussed. "Traffic." He said. I smiled. Alice put on the radio, and everyone was talking.

"Why?" She asked as she chewed her bottom lip. I shrugged. She titled her head to one side. I caved.

"I guess I'm nervous to be playing… in front of…you." I whispered softly. She smiled down at me.

"You'll do fine." She said as if she already knew.

"Hope so." I laughed. I felt Alice staring at me. I wanted to keep talking but I wasn't sure what to say. I heard the radio over the chatter.

"Hey turn up the radio." I said. Edward looked at me in the review mirror.

"I turned the radio off." Edward said. Everyone stopped talking. Bella was still staring out the window and… singing?

"What?" she asked once she realized we were all staring at her.

"Where you singing?" I asked her. She glanced around the car. "Yeah…" She blushed.

"You're really good…" Emmett said and sounded surprised.

"Yeah, Bella… you're really good." Edward said.

"It's nothing…" She insisted. I smiled at her.

"Bella," I whispered once everyone had started talking again. "You can really sing." I smiled. She turned a deep shade of red.

"We're here!" Emmett boomed. It was dark out now. Bella and I were the last ones out. It looked like she didn't want to get up, I could only hope. We got out and we looked around.

I took a deep breath. "Ready gents?" I asked. We all waited a minute.

"Let's rock 'n' roll." I smiled and we headed into the bar. Bella was right by my side, everything perfect. We got in there and found a big booth. Bella and I slid in first. We watched the singers. They always had open mic night.

"Bella… you should sing!" Jessica said.

"Yeah!" Emmett said.

"Oh… no… you've have to get me serious drunk before I'd ever consider going up there." She laughed. Emmett smiled. I sighed. Knowing Emmett, he'd do just that.

"Excuse me, miss?" he asked sweetly.

"Yes?" She asked with a sly smile.

"Could we have some shots?" He asked.

"How many?" She asked.

"Sixteen." He smiled. Oh great, two for each out us. I wondered what he'd have put in them. Someone brought us a big tub of pretzels. We all munched on them. The girl brought us over our drinks. Angela didn't drink so I knew her two would go to Bella. I sighed poor, poor Bella.

Emmett passed one out to everyone. "Bottoms up." He said and we downed our first shot. Bella flipped her shot glass upside down on the table once she was done. I wondered why.

"Wow… that was fast, Bella." Edward sounded impressed.

"Really?" Emmett looked like he didn't buy it. I sighed.

"I bet if we spilt up the drinks left, I could beat you hands down." She said.

"Fine, we shake on it. If I win you have to sing." He said.

"And if you lose?" She asked. He thought a minute. I was sure Bella had something in mind.

"I don't know." He admitted.

"If I win, you stop doing drugs." She said. Everyone got wide eyed.

"Fine lightweight." Emmett shook her hand. I shook my head. They divvied out the shots.

"Ready… get set… go!" Edward said. I watched Bella knock 'em back like there was no tomorrow. She even flipped them all over, as she finished. She finished and Emmett had three left.

"Shit." He cursed.

"Hand 'em over." She said. He looked annoyed.

"I'll even get up there and sing." She said. He sighed. He handed them over. He had too much. I was worried Rose would be doing drugs as well.

"Don't buy anymore either." She said. She looked around and found a rubbish bin. She tossed them out. She walked back over. Emmett got up to go talk to someone.

"I didn't know you drank like that." I said. she glanced at me.

"There's a lot you don't know about me." She smiled.

"Next up is Bella!" The MC said. Bella sighed. Everyone started clapping. This was a small town so it was all locals. She shook her head and headed up there. The MC asked her something she shrugged.

All I want to do came on. I know this song because Alice loves it.

_I don't want to get up baby, let's turn off the phone  
I don't want to go to work today or even put my makeup on  
I've got better things to do than my to do list anyway  
Hide under the covers and waste away the day_

Bella was amazing! I started cheering along with Emmett.

_  
Let's just lay here and be lazy, baby drive me crazy_

_  
All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo  
All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo is love you_

_  
I got my whole life to change the world and climb the ladders  
Looking at you looking at me is the only thing that matters  
Come a little closer baby, we can talk without the words  
Hang a sign on the door, please do not disturb  
Let's just lay here and be lazy, baby drive me crazy_

All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo  
All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo is love you

_  
Give me a kiss, from that Elvis lip,  
You don't want to miss this,_

_  
All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo  
All I want to do wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo is love you wo woo_

_  
All I really want to do is,  
All I really want to do is,  
All I really want to do is love you, and love you, and love you_

_  
Come a little closer baby, we can talk without the words  
Hang a sign on the door, please do not, please do not, please do not, please do not disturb  
When I lay down in the evening all I really want to do,  
When I wake up, when I wake up in the morning baby, all I really want to do is.._

_wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo _

She smiled and hurried from the stage. She came and sat next to me. I put my arm around her shoulder.

"Bella that was amazing." Everyone wanted to tell her about how beautiful her voice was. She shook her head. She lit up a cigarette.

"Can I get you folks anything?" The waitress asked.

"I'll have some tequila." Bella said. Emmett smiled.

"We'll have a round." He smiled. She shook her head and headed away.

"Next up is Emmett!" The Mc called. Bella smiled. Emmett got out and grabbed Bella's arm.

"Emmett, no please!" She laughed. She still had her cigarette. She smashed it out on some random table's ash tray. Emmett was talking to the MC. All of the sudden the song comes on and Bella started laughed. Emmett whispered something to Bella and I felt jealous.

_Comin to ya on a dusty road  
Good lovin' I got a truck load  
And when you get it you got something  
So don't worry cause __I'm__ coming_

Emmett sang and then the chorus came and Bella sang along with him.

_I'm a soul man  
I'm a soul man  
I'm a soul man  
I'm a soul man_

Bella sang with Emmett. It was funny because Emmett and Bella started dancing at the same time. I laughed. They had the whole crowd cheering and laughing. Standing on their feet. It was amazing to watch. The song ended and they walked off stage.

"That was so much fun to watch!" Angela said.

"Thanks!" Bella laughed. She was so cute. I put my arm around her and we watched other people go up there. Bella settled down as we watched the people sing. She was now drinking coffee. She glanced over at me.

"Jazz…" She whispered in my ear. I was speechless. "Why are your hands shaking?" She asked. I shrugged. She grabbed my free hand. "I already told you, you'd do fine." She smiled. She looked so happy.

"Thanks Bells." I smiled. We went to warm up. I hated to leave Bella with the groupies. We went backstage and played around warming up. I felt better already.

"So you and Bella, were pretty cozy?" Emmett said. There was only suggestion in his voice.

"It's not like that Emmett… I'm not going to just use her… it wouldn't be fair to just have a one night stand and leave her alone. And with Izzy… have you seen her child?" I asked with desperation in my voice. I wanted to be with her, but she was different. She's been where Rose, Jessica and Angela are. She was one of them, and I can't see her being one again.

"I see…" Emmett said. "I didn't expect her to drink like that." Emmett said. I laughed. "Emmett, she got pregnant at sixteen, I'd bet there was a lot we won't expect from her." I laughed at his face.

"But she can sing." Edward said. I glanced at him.

"What are you getting at?" I asked.

"We could totally use some female vocals." He said. I shook my head.

"Alice… Rose… they love to sing… they'd be pissed off if we didn't ask them first." I said.

"No, they can't sing nearly as well as Bella can." Emmett said. Edward nodded.

"No, she won't be able to with Izzy… plus I don't know how much she likes it." I said. They stared at me. I started fiddling around with some notes.

"Are you working on something?" Edward asked.

"Um… sort of." I admitted.

"Does it have a name?" Edward asked. It did but I was afraid to tell them.

"Spit it out." Emmett said.

"Um, it's called Bella… it's got a few lyrics but it isn't done yet." I said. I never let them hear things that weren't finished. They laughed at me. I rolled my eyes. We were on stage. I saw Bella. She cheered. I smiled at her and felt at ease. We started singing.

It was great. We sang four songs. I was completely in my element. Edward was main vocals and bass. I was lead guitarist. Emmett was drums. We got off stage and when we got back to the table the girls were clapping. Someone ordered us drinks. Once we were all seated Bella smiled.

"Drink up." She smiled and raised her glass. Bella looked at her watch.

"I've got to call the sitter." She said. She walked outside.

"Did Bella leave?" Emmett asked after a minute. She'd been gone for awhile. I went outside to see if she left.

She was leaning against the building and she was smoking. I walked over to her.

"You know you're allowed to smoke inside?" I asked with a smile. She jumped.

"I know… just needed some fresh air." She said. She seemed sad about something.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Yeah… Izzy's going to stay with Sookie… and there's a good chance Sookie won't give her back." She smiled.

"Sookie the sitter?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's a doll." Bella smiled. I nodded.

"Then what's going on?" I asked her. She was staring up at the moon.

"I don't think your friends like me very much." She said. I was confused.

"Emmett and Edward like you." I said.

"Not them." She said. I got it now. The girls… I wonder why they were being catty… it had to do with Bella… but what? I was going to talk to Rose.

"Bella, don't worry about them…" I said. She shrugged. She flicked off her cigarette.

"Want to go back in?" I asked her. She nodded. We walked back in. Alice glared over at Bella. I shook my head at her. She was upset that I was hanging out with Bella. I'd talk to her. We sat back down.

"I've ordered another round." Emmett announced. Bella raised her eye brows. She drank down what was in front of her. I glared at Alice until she looked away. Bella and I were friends, and Alice and I were friends as well. It was almost one.

"Edward, are you able to drive?" I asked him. He nodded. Everyone headed out to the car. Alice was last to leave.

"Alice, sit with me." I said smoothly. She smiled and sat down next to me.

"Why are you being a bitch to Bella?" I asked her.

"I'm not…" She said.

"Well, good because Bella and I are friends. I don't date… and I won't have sex with her… she's got Izzy… I wouldn't do anything to her… so please just leave her alone… How would you feel if you had a two year old?" I asked her. She sighed.

"I'm sorry… it was childish… it's that Jessica was telling me all these stories… I got annoyed." She admitted. I should've known.

"Don't listen too her. You know I only do one night stands but I wouldn't do that to Bella." I told her. She nodded. I hugged her and left money on the table. We headed out to the car.

Everyone was hanging outside in the parking lot. Emmett and Bella were running around and Rose was laughing.

"What's going on?" Alice asked. We got closer.

"Emmett, we've got to make a break for it." Bella laughed.

"I'm trying but I can't find the way out of here!" Emmett laughed. He was high. I went over by Rose.

"Did Emmett get Bella high?" I asked.

"I think he slipped something in her drink." She admitted. I was furious Emmett was such an idiot. If anything happened to Bella, I'd kill him.

**Hit or miss? I tried to make this chapter longer. I hope ya'll enjoyed it. Let me know if you liked the view switching thing. I'm pretty sure next chapter will be in Jasper's view again.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

_(Jasper's point of view)_

I stood there next to Rose. I couldn't believe Emmett would do such a thing.

"Emmett, I see a way out of here!" Bella shouted. At first glance you'd think she was drunk, which was possible, I'm just glad Emmett's got a fake ID. But the drugs were okay when he wasn't messing with other people. I wasn't sure what to do.

They stopped running. "Which way Bella?" Emmett asked. She pointed somewhere; it was hard to see her hand was shaking.

"Get on my back, my queen." Emmett said. I laughed with Rose. Emmett said such stupid things when he was high. Bella hopped on his back regardless of what he said. Emmett and Bella ran. It was funny to watch. Emmett let Bella go and they started walking in circles. Bella collapsed. I ran over to her and picked her up. She was breathing… she's just blacked out.

"Let's get out of here." I said.

"I'm not riding with Emmett. Rose stay here and watch him. Edward will come back." I growled. "I swear, if she's hurt, I will kill him." I promised. Everyone knew that I was capable of it if I truly wanted to. Edward hurried into the car along with Alice and Angela. Jessica stayed here looking for some action. I hurried in with Bella. I laid her across the back seat. And sat on the floor. I shivered.

Bella's eyes started to flutter.

"Bella?" I asked.

"Ow… what happened? Where are we going?" She asked.

"We are late for the show?" She asked. She had no memory of tonight. I was sad because I hoped she'd remember.

"Oh…" She said. It must be coming back to her.

"Okay… but what… I don't understand… what happened? I remember sitting in the bar with you… and we were going to leave but I don't remember how I got here." She whispered.

"We think Emmett slipped something in your drink… I personally think you grabbed the wrong glass off the table. I think it was meant for him or Rose." I said. Rose didn't say anything just looked away from me. I nodded.

"Oh…" She said as she rubbed her head.

"Where are you taking me?" She whispered. She was scared. I didn't blame her if she didn't ever want to hang out with us again.

"Well, do you want us to take you home…? I'd feel better if there was someone old enough to drive around you…" I whispered. She closed her eyes.

"I don't care… where you take me…" She whispered and she was out again. I let out my breath, which I didn't realize I was holding. We got to my house and everyone got out. Edward went back to get Rosie and Emmett. I carried Bella into the house.

"Jasper, where are you going to put her?" Alice asked.

"Um… you can take the guest bed… I assume you'll be in Edward's room?" I asked Angela. I was lucky Bella was so light. She nodded.

"Yes, you can take the guest room… Bella can have my bed…" I said. Alice looked away. I gave Angela a look and she went upstairs.

"Alice, I told you… nothing's happening… I just can't believe Emmett would be so careless… I mean… what about her daughter… she's a good person; I hate to see her get hurt. Like wise for you… Let me set her down and I'll be back." I whispered. I headed upstairs and set Bella down on my bed.

"Ang… you look after her for a minute." She nodded and came into my room. I headed back down stairs. Alice and I were sitting in the living room. I looked at her. I quickly grabbed her wrist.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked her.

"No." She said. I flipped over her wrist and there were cut marks there. She yanked her arm out of my grip.

"Jasper, you don't get to care about what I do to myself." She said. I growled at her.

"Alice, just because we aren't dating anymore…doesn't mean I don't care for you… I don't like to see you hurting yourself… When did it start?" I whispered. I didn't hide that this hurt… it hurt to see her hurting.

"Since we broke up." She admitted. I sighed.

"Alice." I whispered. I pulled her in for a hug as she cried. "Please, don't cry." I whispered. She calmed down.

"Please… you're still my best friend who knows my deepest darkest secrets but… you can't do this to yourself… your life isn't that bad… if you need to talk or vent… just find me." I begged.

"Alright." She whispered. Emmett and Rose came inside.

"Jasper… I didn't mean too!" Emmett cried as he walked in to the door.

"Emmett, I understand if you want to fuck up your life… but don't drag down Bella, and sure as hell not my baby sister. Rosalie Judith Hale, if I ever catching you doing drugs, I'll make your life a living hell, you understand me?" I shouted at her. She nodded.

"Now as for you." I jabbed a finger towards Emmett. "What the hell were you thinking? I mean doing drugs it's whatever… but being careless about them? I mean Bella's got a daughter you dumb fucker! If she dies, or something happened to her? Where would her daughter go? It's just the two of them!" I shouted. I was upset with everything. With Alice hurting herself over me. Rose on drugs. Bella hurt. It was too much.

"I just…" I shook my head.

"I just don't get it!" I shouted. I turned around and broke a hole threw the wall. My hand was red and it hurt but I didn't care. Everyone was silent.

"Jasper, Bella's asking for you!" Ang called. I took a deep breath and headed up there. I got upstairs and heard crying. I walked into my room and shut the door.

"Bella, what's the matter?" I whispered. She was still messed up on drugs, I think.

"I'm so scared." She whispered.

"Why?" I asked. I was kneeling by my bed.

"because, I can't remember what I was doing… anything could've happened!" She cried.

"Bella, I was with you the whole time… nothing happened. Emmett's so fucking stupid and got the glasses mixed up. Nobody would have tried anything…" I whispered. She cried. What was it and women crying tonight? I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back. I tried to calm her down. The door opened.

"How is she?" Edward asked. Emmett was behind him.

"She scared shitless, Emmett." I said.

"Bella, I'm so sorry… you got my glass by mistake." He whispered as tears filled his eyes. He was scared that Bella would die or that I'd strangle him in his sleep.

"Em, I asked you to stop doing drugs because I've seen what happens to people when they OD. You've got to stop Emmett… I can't handle another drug death." She cried. She was sitting up.

"Bella… I…" Emmett stammered.

"Please?" She looked up at him with big eyes.

"I…" She couldn't finish. She leaned on my and cried I turned in for a hug. We just sat there.

"Bella… Relax… please." I whispered.

"I wasn't going to drink… and he wasn't going to do drugs." "She told me.

"What?" I asked. Everyone was sitting on the floor.

"He'd promised to stop the drugs, and I promised to stop drinking. I hadn't touched a drink in three years, until tonight. He was going to stop. But he couldn't. I never understood why he did it… but the night Izzy was born, he died." She cried harder. We were all wondering but were afraid to ask, who.

"He didn't even get to she his daughter." She whispered. Alice, Rose and Ang were crying. Emmett was scared. And Edward was pained.

"Bells…" I started. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes. "Just get some sleep." I whispered. She laid back down. I was about to get up and she grabbed my hand.

"I can't be alone… not tonight." She whispered. I merely nodded. I sat there until she fell asleep and then looked at Emmett.

"Will you stop now?" I asked him with big eyes.

"Yes." He whispered. I looked at Rose, she nodded.

"Three years… three years she hadn't touched a drink… and all that ruined." I whispered.

"Wait…. Three years ago she was fourteen." Edward said.

"Yeah…?" I asked.

"That's just really young to stop drinking." He said. I nodded. We all fell asleep in my room. I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling and Bella rolled over and was half on my chest. I exhaled sharply. I soon fell asleep.

I slowly woke up to someone laughing. I glanced over at Edward and Emmett. Rose and Alice were awake. Ang had left.

"Hey man… how'd you sleep?" Edward asked. I nodded. Emmett smiled and glanced down to Bella.

"Oh shut up." I said and rolled my eyes, but actually I didn't mind the closeness with her.

"Man… what a night. Edward did you make sure all the drugs are out of the house?" I asked. He nodded. Emmett looked out the window. Bella sat up. She looked around. Her eyes got wide and she ran out of my room.

"To the right!" I called. I heard a door slam shut.

"Oh… man… is that from the drugs?" Emmett asked.

"No, she's hung over." I said. he nodded. I could tell Emmett felt bad about what happened. I was going to cut him some slack.

"Do you have and extra toothbrush?" Bella asked. I laughed and walked over there. I dug around and found one.

"Feeling better?" I asked as she brushed her teeth. She nodded. I smiled and walked back to my room. She came back inside.

"Can I borrow your phone?" She asked me. I nodded and handed it to her. She dialed a number.

"Hi Sookie…" She sounded terrible.

"I think I've got food poisoning or something… maybe the flu… I don't want Izzy to catch it… could you…" Bella said.

"Yeah thanks. Sure." She said.

"Hey kido…" She said. she looked sad.

"Nope… no, mama's sick… she had some bad food last night and I don't want you to get sick… I should be back later today tomorrow at the latest…" She whispered.

"I know…" She was quiet. "I love you too." She whispered and hung up the phone.

She handed me the phone. "I don't want Izzy to see me like this… I've got to make sure all the drugs are out of my system before I see her… I need to…" She started. I started at her.

"You need to what?" I asked.

"Well, the drugs are still in my system… since I drank them… I've got to chuff it up. Because I'm not sure what it was… so the effect could be deadly since I do not handle drugs well." She said.

"Do you want something to make you sick…?" Alice asked her.

"Um… no… I don't want to take or eat anything… could I use your bathroom again?" She asked. I nodded. She left again.

"Poor, Bella." Alice said. I nodded.

*************************************************************************

Bella finally got whatever was in her system out. She looked terrible. Alice was borrowing her some sweats and she was taking a shower. She called Sookie again told her she'd be back to get Izzy first thing tomorrow morning. She fell asleep in my room again. I slept on the floor.

**Hit or miss… I know nothing big happens in the chapter… but I just need something to get me to the point where things could just mellow out for a little. Tomorrow's chapter will be in Bella's point of view (at least it is now…). Please review. (I tried to edit some of it… but I'm beat… I'll reedit it a later date, sorry if it's full of grammar mistakes.)**


	9. Authors note

**Hi everyone!**

**At the moment, I'm having a bit a trouble with some ideas for this story. I've got some bad writers block so I'm not sure when I will write again. If you have any ideas for this story, please let me know. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm tryin'!**

**-Natalie**

**P.S. the song, **_**stand in the rain**_** by superchick is awesome and the song, **_**in the air tonight**_** by Phil Collins **


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

_Bella point of view_

That night was great, watching the band. But I hadn't had any free time lately between school and work. I was busy enough but now, Izzy's got a cold and I've been missing school to be with her because she's just got a something… some flu bug. I hated her seeing her like this. I moved the TV over to our little bedroom area. She wasn't doing very well.

I was staring to panic. I couldn't afford to take her to the doctors… but if she doesn't get better soon I'd have to take her. She was asleep right now. I called Mia.

"Mia, I can't work tonight… Izzy's really sick and I don't want to leave her." I told her. Mia understood as always. I sat on the couch. I heard a soft knock on the door. I raced over there so they wouldn't wake Izzy up. I stepped outside.

"Hello?" I said. I was tired. I had stayed up all night with Izzy the past three days.

"You look terrible… what's going on?" Jasper asked. I smiled up at him.

"Izzy's got a terrible cold. I've been up for three straight nights… I don't know what to do!" I cried. I was at my wits end. Jasper pulled me in for a hug.

"Shush…" He crooned.

"Why don't you take a shower, and I'll watch Izzy while you shower." He said.

"I don't want you to get sick." I said.

"I'll be fine." He promised. I looked at him.

"Yeah, I could use a shower." I said. We walked back inside and the house was a mess.

"I'm sorry about the mess… I haven't had much time to do anything." I whispered.

"Go shower." He whispered. I nodded and went to take a shower.

*************************************************************************

_(Jasper's point of view) _

I was going to make sure Bella was okay. After the night at the bar I hadn't seen her at school for three days… I was getting worried. I knocked on the door and Bella came out. She looked horrible.

"Hello?" She asked weakly. It looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep in the past couple of days.

"You look terrible… what's going on?" I asked.

"Izzy's got a terrible cold. I've been up for three straight nights… I don't know what to do!" She cried. I felt so bad. I pulled me in for a hug.

"Shush…" I crooned.

"Why don't you take a shower, and I'll watch Izzy while you shower." I suggested.

"I don't want you to get sick." She whispered.

"I'll be fine." I promised. She looked at me.

"Yeah, I could use a shower." She said. We walked back inside and the house was a mess.

"I'm sorry about the mess… I haven't had much time to do anything." She whispered.

"Go shower." I muttered. She nodded and walked into the bathroom. I started picking up toys. Doing the dishes.

"Mama?" Izzy called. I walked over there.

"Mama's in the shower… do you need something?" I asked as sweetly as I could manage but she looked like she was on her death bed.

"I don't feel so good." She said. I grabbed the bucket by her bed just in time. This tiny little two year old was just vomiting her brains out. She looked like the child in her was slowing disappearing. It made you want to cry. She needed to be checked out. I washed out the bucket. Bella came out.

"Thanks jasper… you didn't have to." She said. I gave her a hug.

"Bella, let's take Izzy to the doctor, please?" I begged.

"I don't have the money Jazz." She said.

"Don't worry about that right now…" I said. She nodded. She grabbed Izzy and we took my car there. We got in there.

"We need some help!" I shouted. Izzy wasn't moving.

**Well, I've gotten a great idea by Zombie's Run this Town, and my writers block is gone. I hope you liked this chapter. Please review.**


	11. Chapter 10

"_The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, _

_the tears will not stop raining down"_

_Superchick (Lyrics to Stand in the rain)_

**Chapter Ten**

_Bella's point of view_

We came into the hospital and Izzy wasn't moving.

"We need some help!" Jasper shouted. Doctors and nurses ran over to us. They took my Izzy out of Jasper's arms.

"No!" I cried and was about to run after them. Jasper grabbed my waist and held me back from running after my baby. One of the doctors looked back at us and came over.

"Is that your sister?" he asked. I shook my head. The tears started to stream down my face.

"It's my daughter." I cried. His face got instantly sad.

"What are you doing to her? Where are you taking her?" I asked him.

"Well, she's going to be put into immediate surgery. She's stopped breathing… Um, may I ask what was wrong with her?" He asked.

"She had a bad case of the flu." I said as his face got sadder.

"Alright… I need to go and help them but I'll find you as soon as we know something." He said.

"Thank you." I whispered as he walked away. I turned into Jasper and cried. My beautiful baby girl was getting cut open on a table and I couldn't hold her hand. She needed her mom and I couldn't even be there.

"I should've brought her in sooner… I'm such a bad mom!" I cried. Jasper started walking. I looked up and we were in a waiting room. He sat down. I was pacing.

"You're not a bad mother… you didn't know…" He said.

"But I should've!" I cried. I couldn't believe it. I kept pacing. Jasper grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap as I walked past. He tucked my head under his chin and cradled me. I felt so helpless.

I finally calmed down.

"I'm going to get you something to eat… you should eat." Jasper said. I nodded. I stood up and he left. I sat back down. Izzy was just a baby… just my baby. I didn't even get to tell her I loved her. I shivered. Jasper came back with vending machine food. He put something warm on my shoulders. He sat down.

"What are you in the mood for?" He asked. I stared at the assortment of food. I shrugged.

"Bells, you've got to eat…" Jasper said as someone came into the room. I looked up. It was the doctor.

"Your daughter is fine. Her lung clasped but its okay. She's resting right now… but she'll be okay…" He said. I sighed and tears streamed down my face.

"She's healthy?" I asked.

"We'd like to run some more test to make sure but yes, we're pretty sure she's healthy but the tests will tells us that for sure." He said.

"Can I see her?" I asked. He nodded.

"Room 222." He said. I got up and headed out.

*************************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

"Excuse me, sir?" Asked the doctor. I waited.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Are you the father?" He asked. I wasn't sure what I should say. He was going to tell me something.

"Yes." Lie.

"I'm afraid I've got bad news, now we can't be sure until we do the tests, but there's a good chance she's got bone marrow cancer." He said with a sad face. I took a small step backwards.

"How bad?" I asked.

"If it is bone marrow cancer, it isn't pretty… it would explain all the vomiting and the chills." He said. I merely nodded as my eyes started to water.

"I'm terribly sorry." He said. I nodded. He left and I composed myself. I headed in my Bella. She was sitting at Izzy's side. I stood behind her.

"How's she doing?" I whispered.

"She's beautiful." Bella said. I grabbed her hand.

"She'll be alright." I promised her. I pulled a chair up next to Bella and we sat there. Bella fell asleep. I grabbed a blanket off the back of my chair and covered her up. I fell asleep myself.

"Mama?" I heard. I slowly woke up. I saw that it was light out and Izzy was awake.

"Hey Izzy." I said. "Bells wake up…" I said. Bella woke up.

"Is Izzy okay?" She asked.

"Yes mama, I'm fine." Izzy said. Bella smiled.

"Hey baby!" She said. We talked and that doctor came back.

"Hello how are we doing this morning?" He asked.

"Good…" we all muttered. He smiled.

"Well I'm Doctor Cullen and I'll be your doctor." He said.

"Now, Izzy, if you don't mind, I was wondering if we could run just a few tests?" He asked with a smile.

"Sure." She said. He nodded. The nurse brought in a wheel chair. Dr. Cullen picked Izzy up and they wheeled her out. Bell sighed.

"She's okay." She whispered. I squeezed her hand.

"I'm going to smoke quickly. I'll be right back." She said. I nodded. I was sitting in Izzy room, mulling over the fact that Bella's perfectly healthy daughter could have bone marrow cancer. I sighed. Someone knocked on the door.

"Hello? Are you Mr. Swan?" Asked a woman. I nodded. She came and sat next to me.

"Um, we need to talk about the medical bill." She said.

"I'll take care of it… Don't worry Bella with that…" I said. She nodded.

"Here's my card, it's got my office number and the phone number… find me and we'll talk about a plan or whatever you need." She said. I nodded and took the card. She left. I slipped the card into my pocket. My phone went off.

I answered it. It was Edward. I explained to him that Izzy was in the hospital right now getting tests. Bella came back in and looked a little more relaxed. She had two coffees.

"Want one?" She asked. I nodded. We drank our coffee and I heard someone.

"Which room is it?" It was a booming voice. I smiled.

"Are… wait, what? Where are you going?" the voice was getting louder. They appeared at the door. I smiled.

"Bella, we came as soon as we heard!" Emmett ran over to Bella and gave her a hug.

"How is she doing?" He asked. Edward looked at me with a serious look. He could always tell when I lied. He knew that Izzy wasn't healthy.

"She's getting test, but we're hoping she'll be okay." Bella said. I squeezed her hand. Everyone filled in the room, only Jessica and Angela weren't here. Dr. Cullen came back. He wheeled Izzy in the wheel chair.

"So doc, what's the deal with my kid?" Bella asked.

"I'm not sure; we need to wait for the test to come back." He said and glanced to me. He left the room.

"I'm going to have a smoke… do you want me to get you some food?" I asked Bella. She shook her head. Everyone was telling stories and talking to Izzy. I walked out and saw Dr. Cullen.

"What's the deal doc? I don't want to tell her that Izzy's got cancer." I said with big eyes. He looked remorse.

"It's bad, Mr.…" He started.

"Jasper." I said.

"Jasper, its bad… she needs a bone marrow transplant." He said.

"There aren't any results we're waiting for are we?" I asked him he shook his head.

"Well, could I give my bone marrow?" I asked.

"We'll need to take a blood sample… but if you don't do drugs then of course." I nodded. I prayed I was a match because I didn't want Bella to have to be in pain. He took to another room and drew my blood.

"Now, this we will have to wait for." He said. I headed back towards Izzy's room.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked in a low voice.

"Yeah." I said.

"Jasper…" Edward started.

"Not here Edward." I said. I took my seat next to Bella and waited for Dr. Cullen to come back to see if I could give my bone marrow.

**Hit or miss? Please review… I'm not sure if I can get another chapter out today. I'll try but I've got to work and then there's this walk-America thing that my mom and I might go tonight… but I'll try to get another one out today/night.**

**Bands I recommend:**

**Heart**

**Chicago**

**Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers **


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven **

_Bella's point view_

Everyone came.

"Bella, how's Izzy?" Emmett asked as he hugged me.

"She's getting some tests." I whispered. I was glad to be my friends. Jasper squeezed my hand. I couldn't get threw this with out him. He was my rock that kept my floating I don't know what I'd do without him. We sat around talking. Telling Izzy stories. She was happy.

Dr. Cullen came back.

"How are you doing?" He asked Izzy.

"My arm hurts… and my leg does." She said. I stared at Izzy and then to Dr. Cullen. Jasper and Dr. Cullen exchanged glances.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet… I the rest of the tests back." He answered calmly. I started to panic. The doc left.

"Bella relax… Jasper and I will get some answers." Edward said. I nodded and Jasper got up. I was still clutching his hand.

"Bella, we'll be right back." He whispered. I let go of his hand and he and Edward left. Emmett was trying to calm me down without Izzy realizing I was scared. Alice and Rose kept her distracted. The nurse came in and gave her something through her IV.

I wondered what Jasper and Edward were doing. I hoped they found out what was going on.

************************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

Edward and I hurried out of Izzy's room.

"Jasper, when are you going to tell her about the cancer?" Edward asked.

"Just wait…" I muttered. I found Cullen.

"So, can I?" I was just about begging.

"Yes, you're a match." He said. I nodded.

"It's going to hurt… you've got to be awake as we scrape the marrow from your bones." He said. I swallowed and nodded.

"Wait… you're donating bone marrow?" Edward asked. I looked at him.

"Of course." I said.

"I'm not letting her die." I said.

"I have to tell Bella." I whispered.

"When you're ready, I'll meet you in the same room I drew your blood in." He said. I nodded and headed back to Izzy's room. I couldn't tell her but I had too.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. She nodded and we headed out into the waiting room.

"What's going on?" She asked with big eyes. I looked over her head. I couldn't tell her. It would make her whole world fall apart. I don't know how doctors did it.

"Jasper." She whispered in a shaky voice as tears spilled over her eyes.

"I just want you to know… that nothing's going to happen to Izzy… I've got it taken care of." I whispered.

"Jazz, what's happening to my baby?" She whispered. Tears leaked out of my eyes.

"Bella, she's got bone marrow cancer. I'm donating my bone marrow." I whispered. She fell down but I caught her. She was sobbing.

"Bella, Izzy will be fine… Dr. Cullen said she needs a transplant and should be all better." I whispered.

"Why didn't he tell me… I'm her mom…? I thought they only told families?" She asked.

"I lied and told him I was her father… I'm sorry…" I whispered. She just hugged me tighter.

"I can't tell you how much this means to me Jasper… I…" She whispered.

"I know Bella." I told her. She calmed down and I grabbed her hand and we headed back towards Izzy's room.

"Wait, that's going to be so painful…" She said. I shook my head.

"No, I don't want you to worry about it." I whispered. I kissed her head and headed to the other room. I got in there and Cullen was getting something set up in there.

"You are very brave, Jasper." He said.

"Doc, what's your name?" I asked him. I wanted to know.

"It's Carlisle." He said.

"Alright, Carlisle, how badly will this hurt?" I asked.

"Very badly. Just relax." He said. I nodded.

I was laying on my stomach on a table in gown thing. There were some nurses in there.

"Now make sure you do not move." He said. I noticed how most of the people in this room were men. I wondered why. But all of the sudden there was this piercing pain.

"AH!" I shouted and started cursing the pain stopped and I felt all these men's hands hold me down to the table. Now I knew why it was men in here. I bit my lip to keep from shouting but profanities kept slipping threw. It was excruciating. I could feel him scraping at my bones. It ended. I let out a deep sigh.

"Alright… that was one leg… now, we've got to do the other." Carlisle said. I lowered my head. I knew what to expect this time but I still shouted the first scrape.

After a few hours. They finally had enough bone marrow for Izzy. I was now hooked up to an IV myself. I was tired.

"Doc, what did you give me?" I asked.

"Something to make you sleep, you'll be tired and in pain for a day or two… but it should fade… you did a good thing Jasper. I'll tell your family you're in here." He said. I was out.

*************************************************************************

_Bella's point of view_

I walked back into Izzy's room and Edward gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He knew. I nodded.

"Mama, where's Jasper?" Izzy asked.

"He's…" All of the sudden I heard a gut wrenching yell. I flinched. It was Jasper. Everyone looked around and then at me.

"Izzy, Jasper is going to give you some bone marrow… which Dr. Cullen, will put in you and you'll feel better." I told her. She stared at me.

"Is it going to hurt, for Jasper?" She asked.

"Yes. But not for you… they'll put you to sleep and when you wake up you'll be all better." I smiled. She gave me a hug.

"I love you mama." She said. I started to cry.

"I love you too Izzy." I whispered. I pulled out of the hug. Emmett hugged me as I couldn't stop crying.

"Izzy, mama and I are going to get some food." Emmett. He took me outside and we stood there. I cried.

"Bella, Jasper's got you taken care of." Emmett whispered.

"I'm so scared… for both of them… I can lose him Emmett." I whispered. I had a cigarette. I calmed down and we headed back inside.

"You stopped drugs right?" I whispered.

"Yes." He said. We got back into the room. Dr. Cullen came in.

"The bone marrow removal was good. He's good, a little sore, but he okay… you can see him if you'd like." He said.

"Iz, I'll be right back." I said. I got up and headed into the next room. I walked in and he was laying on the bed. I came and sat on the edge. I put my hand on his cheek. He smiled. His eyes were closed though.

"Hey babe." He said. he seemed tired.

"Hi." I whispered.

"Bells, I'm fine." He whispered. He opened his eyes now.

"How much pain are you in?" I asked.

"I can't feel anything… good painkillers." He smiled. I couldn't help but smile.

"How's Iz?" he asked.

"Good." I smiled.

"Come here." He whispered. He scooted over on his little bed and I laid down with him.

"Let some sleep." We whispered at the same time. I closed my eyes. I was half laying on his chest. I fell asleep.

**Well, here you go! I cranked out this chapter before work, I don't have time to edit it because I'm running late… I'll edit it at a later date!**

**Hope you enjoyed it.**


	13. Chapter 12

"_In the end death comes for us all. But for some of us, death comes sooner than we'd hope. Lessing our time with each other." – Unknown _

**Chapter Twelve **

_Bella's point of view_

I heard voices. I was too tired to wake up though. I hadn't sleep in days. I thought I felt something move on the bed. I brushed it off and fell back asleep. I finally woke up. The sun was shining on my face. I glanced up and Jasper was a wake. He smiled at me. I looked in between and Izzy was laying on the bed. Emmett and Edward and the girls were sitting around. I sat up.

"How'd you sleep?" Jasper asked softly.

"Really good, you?" I asked. He smiled. "Not bad." I smiled back at him. We sat around talking when Dr. Cullen came in.

"Ah… you're awake." He said. "Um, when Izzy wakes up we'll prep her for surgery." He said. I took a deep breath and nodded. This looked right. Me, Izzy, Jasper, it felt right. He put his arm around me.

"She'll be fine." He said. We talked about the band and about how they should do a benefits concert and how all the proceeds could go into cancer research.

"Mama…?" Izzy asked. My heart stopped. Izzy rolled over and saw Jasper.

"Jasper!" She smiled and gave him a hug. He looked so happy.

"Hey Iz." He smiled.

"Izzy… let's take you back to your room… Dr. Cullen needs us in there for a little while." I said. I got off the bed and my chest was full of worry. Jasper grabbed my hand.

"It'll be fine." He whispered. I looked at him with big eyes. I could only nod. I picked up Izzy. She felt lighter. I carried her back to her room. I set her down on the bed and sat in a chair. We talked.

"Mama, do you like Jasper?" She asked. She always had that extra perception of when I was happiest.

"I think so." I whispered. Izzy smiled. "Good me too." I laughed.

"Mama, where's daddy?" She asked. My heart dropped. I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't tell her the truth. I felt my heart have a hair line fracture as she said this.

"Sweetie," I whispered. "He's… gone." I swallowed hard. She looked at the door.

Dr. Cullen came into the room.

"How are we doing today?" He asked.

"I'm sore and tired." Izzy said. My heart dropped.

"Well, we'll fix that today." He said. He got Izzy ready for her surgery. He picked her up and put her on another bed. I stood and walked along side the bed.

"Mama, I'll be fine." Izzy said as my eyes started to water.

"I love you kid." I said.

"I love you mama." Izzy said. They took her into the O.R. I stood there. I started to cry. My baby was gone, fighting off cancer. I felt familiar hands around my waist. I leaned back against him.

"She's going to be okay Bella." He whispered. I turned into his chest and cried. I finally stopped and stared at him.

"What are you doing out of bed?" I asked. He smiled at me. He didn't answer he just grabbed my hand and lead me back to his room. Everyone was gone.

"Where'd they all go?" I asked.

"Home… they'll be back later." Jasper said. I nodded. We laid on his bed and I fell asleep.

*********************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

Bella had fallen asleep. I laid there. I sat there praying Izzy would be okay because I knew Bella wouldn't be able to handle it if she wasn't. I flipped channels on the TV. Carlisle came back into the room.

"How is she doc?" I asked the words flew out of my mouth.

"It isn't good… it's more aggressive than we thought… the marrow transplant has bought her a few years at most…" he said. I clenched my jaw shut.

"No." I said threw clenched teeth.

"It's got to be a mistake." I said. My eyes started to water. I looked out the window.

"What's going on Jazz?" Bella asked. My heart dropped.

"Dr. Cullen… is Izzy okay?" Bella asked. I could hear the tears in her voice.

"The cancer is more aggressive than we thought… the marrow transplant has bought her a few years at most…" Carlisle said again. Bella sobbed. I held her in my arms.

"I'm…" Carlisle sat down. His eyes were watering. "I'm so sorry. I… I had no idea it was this bad…" He sat there.

"She's just a baby." Bella kept saying. "No!" Bella cried. "She… she can't… she's only a baby… she's my baby!" She cried.

"Bella…" I whispered.

"No! No…" She said shaking her head. I glanced to Carlisle who was distraught.

"Why me? She's my only family Jazz." Bella cried.

"Wait, you aren't the father?" Carlisle asked. I shook my head. He nodded. Everyone came back and saw us crying.

"Is Izzy okay?" Emmett whispered. Carlisle was the only one who spoke.

"The cancer is aggressive; the transplant bought her a few years." He whispered. Everyone was remorse. Izzy was put back into her room and Bella went in there. I cried myself to sleep.

**Hit or miss? I'm thinking I'll do a few more chapters…but I think the end is coming. Sorry this chapter took so long… it was much harder to write… it was very emotionally hard.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone, I'm sorry about how sad the last chapter was but I don't know how cheery they will get.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Bella's point of view_

I paid the taxi driver and he zoomed off. I stood there staring at this massive house. It didn't feel right to be standing back here. I once called it home but it never felt warm and homey like on TV. It was cold, even in the dead of summer this house would have icicles hanging off of it. I took a deep breath and walked up to the door. It was locked. No surprise there.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I waited. I maid answered the door.

"Hello?" She said.

"Are Charlie and Renee home?" I asked. I readjusted the weight in my arms.

"Yes… are they expecting you?" She asked.

"No." I said. She looked at me and I finally just walked in almost pushing her over.

"Esme!" Renee called. "Who's at the door?" She barked. I walked into the dining room. My mom just stared at me. Charlie hadn't notice I entered the room.

"What… Isabella?" She stammered.

"Hi mom." I said. Charlie looked up now.

"Um… what are you doing here?" She asked.

"Well, I've got some bad news… Can I set Izzy down somewhere?" I asked she was getting heavy in my arms.

"Of course, in the living room's fine for now." She said. I set Izzy down and came back there was already a plate of steaming food down for me. I smiled.

"You should eat…" My mom said. I nodded.

"Guys, I've got some bad news." I said the stopped eating and looked at me.

"What?" Charlie asked.

"It's Izzy… She'd had a bad case of the flu, so finally I took her into the hospital. And when we got there she wasn't breathing so they did surgery on her. And…" I was cut off.

"We?" my mom asked. I glanced at her.

"And we waited she was out and everything was fine… her lung collapsed… and then the doctor ran some more tests. Izzy ended up needing a bone marrow transplant because she has bone marrow cancer. Jasper donated his bone marrow for Izzy… but the cancer was too aggressive, so the transplant has only bought her a couple years… and…" I started to cry. "And I wanted her to know her grandparents." I whispered. They were both in tears.

"Oh, Isabella, I'm so sorry." Renee whispered. We ate in silence.

"Isabella, how did you pay for all those medical bills?" Charlie asked.

"_Jasper, I don't have the money to pay for these bills…" I cried._

"_Bella, relax." He said. I shook it off. I headed down to billing. I knocked on a woman's door who had told me to find her when I was ready._

"_Hello, how can I help you?" She asked me._

"_Well, Izzy, or Isabella Swan was in… I'm here to look into a plan to pay for that." I told her. She was looking on her computer._

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. _

"_Um, Ms. Swan, the bills already been paid… didn't he tell you? Izzy's father Mr. Jasper Swan paid for it." She told me. I nodded._

"_Thank you." I said. I left and found Jasper._

"_Why? You didn't have to pay for the bill, Jazz… You've already done enough… I'll pay you back." I whispered._

"_No, you'll do no such thing." He said. I looked up at him and he pulled me in for a hug._

"_I know you don't have that kind of money, how'd you pay for it?" I asked him._

"_I… don't worry about it." He said._

"_Jasper…" I said._

"_I sold something that I don't need." HE said. _

"_What?" I asked him._

"_My guitar." He said._

"Jasper helped me out there Dad." I said.

"Who's Jasper?" My mom asked. I sighed. I missed that boy.

"He's just a friend… but it doesn't matter because he's Washington and I'm here with you… But I'm tired… can I get some sleep?" I asked. They nodded Renee showed me to my old room. My mom carried Izzy up. I opened the door and it looked exactly the same.

"Do you want a crib?" My mom asked.

"No." I said. I dropped my bags with a loud thud. I grabbed Izzy and we laid down on the bed. I fell fast asleep.

I was thankful that my parents were behaving themselves. They played with Izzy and Renee took her shopping. I was slumming around the house. I suppose you could say I was going into a depression, but I don't' think my parents noticed. I missed my friends… but I really missed Jasper… he was the one who kept me floating threw all of this… and I knew that when I moved back home, he wouldn't be there but Izzy needed to be with Family… but Jasper was my family.

I was laying in my room crying.

"Isabella." Charlie said. he came in and sat down. "Now, I know you've been in a bit of a depression… but… I'm worried…" He said. So he had noticed.

"I'm fine dad." I said bitterly.

"Is this over that boy… Jasper?" he asked.

"I had a life back there… I had a good group of friends and I left all that to come back home so you two could see your dying granddaughter…. So yeah, maybe that's got something to do with it." I said. He sighed.

"Isabella, I love you for coming back… but why don't you and Izzy just go home. You can stay and visit for a month but go back… that boy obliviously likes you… maybe you should be with them." He said. My dad always surprised me when he spoke but this… I never would have expected him to say something like this.

I sat up and stared at him. I threw my arms around him.

"Thanks daddy." I whispered. He left and I sat there listening to music. My phone went off.

"Hello?" I sniffed.

It was silent on the other end. I'd gotten a few calls like this. I knew who it was… or I thought I did.

"Hey Jasper… I know it's you… and I'm sorry I had to leave… but Izzy's grandparents never got to meet her… I'm so sorry for leaving… believe me, I didn't want to. I miss you all. Say hi to everyone for me." I whispered. I waited. I heard someone breathing on the other line.

"Bye." I whispered. I hung up the phone and fell back onto my bed. I missed him. I heard Izzy downstairs. I headed down there.

"Mama, look what I got!" she smiled. I smiled at her as she showed me.

"That's cool Iz." I smile. She played with her toys as we watched TV. My mom and I chatted about things, keeping it light.

"Mama?" Izzy asked from the floor. Her back was turned to us. "Where's Jasper?" She asked. My heart sank. Pain covered my face. It hurt to think about him, but it hurt worse to know that Izzy was missing him. I quickly brushed away the tear. I was afraid that if one came out they wouldn't stop.

"Jasper's back in Washington." I whispered.

"Is he coming here?" She asked. I got up and picked her up.

"I don't think so babe." I whispered. Izzy thought about this. She put her tiny hand on my cheek.

"I miss him." She whispered. I started to cry. "So do I." I whispered. I set Izzy back down and left the room. My mom was just sitting there in shock I think. I slammed my bed room door shut. I picked up the phone. I dialed his number; my hands were shaking so bad. I knew what I was going to say to him.

"Hello?" He said. I froze.

"Hello?" he asked again. I took in a long ragged breath and he was silent too.

"Bella?" He asked.

"Jasper…" I cried. "I can't do it anymore… it's too hard. Izzy has no idea… and I hate seeing her and thinking this could be my last day with her… it's too hard." I cried. He was silent for a long minute.

"Bella… please… relax." He whispered. "You're doing a great job…"

"I miss you." I whispered.

"I know…" He whispered. He coughed but I think it was to hide the fact that he too was crying. We stayed on the phone not talking but just there until I fell asleep. Someone was shaking me.

"Isabella, wake up!" My mom shouted. I shook my head. I shut my phone and looked at her.

"What's going on?" I asked. She had tears raining down her cheeks…" It's Izzy… we had to call 911… she… she… started to vomit blood!" My mom cried. I bolted to the garage. I saw my old bike in there. I revved the engine and took off. I raced for the hospital. My baby was sick again. I needed to make sure she was okay. I got into the building. I saw Izzy. I ran after her cot. They were about to close a door when I got there. I was trying to get in. A male doctor stopped me.

"You can't go in there." He said softly. Tears streamed down my face.

"But you've got to let me in! I'm family!" I cried.

"You can see your sister in a minute, no one's allowed in there right now." He said calmly.

"She's not my sister! That's my daughter! What's happening too her? The last doctor said she'd have a few years… she'll be okay right?" I asked. I just wanted to lay down and never get back up.

"Wait, what do you mean?" He asked.

"She's got bone marrow cancer… she had a transplant… but the cancer was too aggressive…" I said. He nodded.

"I really need to get in there… I'm sorry. Miss." He said. He was about to turn away when I asked.

"What's your name?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Jacob." He whispered. He left and closed the door. I went to a waiting room. I sat there on a chair staring out the window. I was hugging my knees to my chest. The sun was on the horizon, just about to set. I'd been sitting there all day… I was remembering all the time I spent with Izzy and she was the happiest… it was when we were with jasper. I wanted to call him to tell him she was back in the hospital… but I couldn't bring myself to do because then it'd seem like she was going to die. And my baby wasn't going to die. Parents should never out live their kids. The youth should prosper not the old.

It was dark. Someone came into the room. I didn't bother to look. They came and stood by me. I looked up. He looked sad. My eyes started to glisten.

"I'm sorry…" He started.

**Hit or miss? What do you think? Please review.**

**I also want to say that the song that helped me write this was Stand in the Rain, by superchick. **


	15. Chapter 14

"_People don't realize that we are only human and we can only handle so much until we break. Most of us have someone to help with the weight when it gets to be too much. Some but not all." – Natalie _

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Jasper's point of view_

Ever since Bella had called earlier I could only think about how sad she sounded. Edward had stayed with me ever since Bella left. I stopped going to school and hung out. I suppose any sane person would call this a depression, but… I was no longer sane. I missed Bella to the point where I was in physical pain. Once she found out Izzy was going to die. She took her and went back to her parents. It was a hard goodbye.

_Bella had just put Izzy in the taxi. She was asleep. She'd had a long few weeks. Bella came back over by me. She looked at my chest. I swallowed my tears and put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up._

"_Jazz, I don't want to leave you." She whispered. I pulled her in for a hug. "I don't want you to leave me either." I whispered against her ear. She pulled out of the hug._

"_You've helped me so much… I…" She started but before I knew what I was doing I pulled her in for a kiss. It was our first and last kiss. It had a passion I didn't know she had for me. It was as if she was trying to say something. Our lips moved together. I finally pulled away, gasping for air. She smiled._

_I walked her over to the taxi. She got in and the window was rolled down. I leaned down. I grabbed her hand._

"_Bella…" I started. She looked up at me with big eyes. "I will find you again. I promise." I whispered. She started to cry. The Taxi driver pulled away from the curb. I stared as the car drove off with Bella. I started to run after the car to tell her that I loved her, but the car was to far away. I made it to the corner. I saw the yellow taxi drive off into the sun. I stood there until it was dark. I finally headed back inside. Everyone was standing outside with worried expressions. I walked past them and said bleakly, "I'll see you tomorrow."_

I hadn't been to school since then. It had been almost a month. Rose had told Edward and Edward had… I suppose he was helping me. He hung around the house with me. Emmett bought our homework home and Alice and Rose just hung around with us. I wasn't the same anymore. The band had gigs but I didn't enjoy them. They'd bought me a new guitar but I hated playing with it. I never finished my song for Bella. I become a lifeless shell of the person I use to be. Bella and Izzy were a bigger part of me than I ever realized. I guess you don't know what you've got until it's gone. They were gone and I was too. I was laying in my room with the music on softly. I heard voices outside the door.

"Alice, I'm really worried. He's not eating… he's not talking…he's nothing… I don't know what he whispered to her before the cab took off but whatever it was has changed him…" Edward said. I turned up my music to tune him out. I laid there flipping stations on the radio until I found this song. I was listening to the lyrics.

… _So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain_

She won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down  
She wants to be found  
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
Stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain

This is how I felt. I heard a knock on the door. I'd locked the door. I didn't answer. I laid there. The song ended and I heard a crash threw the door. I looked at Emmett knocked my door off its hinges.

"You'd better fix that." I said. But my voice was monotone. I should be mad, furious even but I couldn't summon the emotion.

"Jasper, your phone was ringing… We didn't answer it but…" His voice trailed off. I grabbed the phone out of his hand. It started to go off.

"Hello?" I said. Nobody was there. I wondered if it was Bella. We did this. I remember I called her and I knew exactly what I wanted to tell her but I chickened out every time I heard her voice.

"Hello?" I asked. I heard a ragged breath.

"Bella?" I asked.

"No… It's Isabella's mother, Renee…" Said the woman. "I don't know if you know this and I'm guessing not… but Izzy's been put back in the hospital and today we were sitting in our living room and just hanging out and Izzy asks where you are. And then she says she misses you. Now I know you've got your life but both of my girls seem to really like you… so I figured this call would be necessary. Izzy's in the hospital, and I don't know how much longer she can fight this…" Renee's voice cracked. She gave me the hospital address and said she'd have Bella's phone if I wanted to come I was more than welcome to. I hung up the phone.

I sat there not believing it. Izzy was sick again… and it must be pretty bad if she's got to call but why hadn't Bella called me. Everyone was waiting for me to speak. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I should go down there. I wasn't even sure if Bella wanted me down there.

"Damnit Jasper, what's going on?" Edward asked.

"It was Bella's mom. Izzy is back in the hospital, and Bella's mom isn't sure how long she'll hold out." I told there. I was picturing every minute I got to spend with them. I put my head into my hands.

**Hit or miss? And right now I'm thinking I'll switch off between Bella and Jasper's views in the next chapter. Please review.**

**The song that really helped me write this chapter was Slip Slidin' Away by Paul Simon. **


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen **

_Bella's point of view_

I sat in the chair waiting for answers and wishing Jasper was here to hold my hand. I noticed someone was standing near me.

"I'm sorry…"He whispered. I started at him.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked quickly.

"We can't find out why she's bleeding… She's still in surgery there was a complication she lost a lot of blood and we're giving her, her second blood transfusion because her body didn't accept the first one." He said. I exhaled.

"She'll be okay?" I whispered.

"Yes, would you like me to call someone?" he asked. I thought for a long minute.

"No, it's just us." I whispered. I wanted him to call jasper but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He walked away. I fell asleep in the chair. I kept on dreaming about Jasper. I woke up and it was dark outside. I rubbed my eyes. I was alone. My parents weren't even here. I pulled my knees up to my chest. I had this gaping hole in my chest. I was scared that Izzy's days were coming sooner than we thought. I was torn between calling Jasper or not. I grabbed for my phone.

"Bella?" He asked. I couldn't answer him back.

"Bella…" His voice had gotten softer. I started to cry. It was silent on the other end. I took a ragged breath to try to calm down so I could tell him that I loved him and that Izzy and I were coming home, but I couldn't. it was just an endless river of tears. The first tear came out and then they wouldn't stop. Jasper waited on the other end. Trying to calm me down.

"Jazz…" I could speak my voice was dry. I just wanted a hug. The doctor came back.

"The doctor's here…" I said and hung up. I wiped my eyes to try to see him.

"Ms. Swan…" He started.

"Bella…" I said. "Bella… are you alright?" He asked. I nodded. "How's Izzy?" I asked quickly.

"She's resting you can see her now." He said. I nodded and he left. My phone went off. It was my mom. They had to fly away on business. I sat there. I was stopped crying but I was too scared to see my daughter without back up. My phone went off.

"Hello?" I asked.

"How's…how's Izzy?"

"She's resting right now… but I'm too scared to go in and see her." I whispered.

"Bella…" he sounded like he was in pain.

"Jazz…" I whispered. This was too much.

"Bye." I said. I hung up the phone and headed towards her room. She was asleep on her cot. She looked so helpless.

*************************************************************************

I spend many long days in the hospital. Izzy wasn't getting better and I was scared. I had to put on a brave face for her. But lately she seemed to be getting better. I wished that someone was here to help us get threw this. At night went Izzy was sleeping I would go into the hospital church and pray. Pray that my baby would get better. I hadn't been in a church since Izzy's dad died. I never set foot in one, until now. Her color had started to come back and you couldn't really see her bones anymore. She'd lost so much wait. But with the help of Jasper's bone marrow transplant she'd be okay. But she needed another so I was going to give her some of mine. I walked into the tiny room and laid on the table. Jacob walked in with a team of doctors. I wondered why there weren't any females in the room.

"Ready?" he asked. I was about to say yes as I felt something scrape against my bone. I screamed out in pain. The scraping went away. All the male doctors held me down. I bit my lip to keep from screaming but I kept letting profanities slip out.

"One leg down. Can you handle the other one?" He asked. I thought about how Jasper did this and he handled it much better than me.

"I can handle it doc." I said harshly. I let some profanities loose again but no screaming. They were finally done.

"Alright now we'll let you rest." Jacob said.

"No, I want to be in the room with my daughter." I said. he nodded and wheeled me in there I fell asleep next to Izzy.

**Hit or miss. Sorry this took so long to get out… I'm having a trouble of sorts writing this story… don't worry I won't give up… the chapters just might not be out every day like before.**

**(I'm too tired to edit this properly I'll give it a look at a later date.)**


	17. Chapter 16

**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I've had some bad writers block. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Bella's point of view_

After weeks of being in a hospital room. Weeks of being scared and helpless. Weeks of hell. I was finally able to go home. I was scared, nervous, worried. Just about everything at once. Her to be safe. Izzy was finally healthy enough of the come home. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hurried home and carried Izzy inside. The doctor said she'd be tired for few days to a week or two. They'd finally gotten the cancer out of her. She would be able to live freely again.

I took a strange comfort that she'll be free. I in a few weeks we'd fly back out by Jasper. I missed him. I kept on thinking he'd come bursting threw the door one of these days. He never did. I wasn't sure if it was because of me or if he just did think he could. I hoped I'd see him again. It was dark and I raced under the moon with Izzy in the car.

We were free. We were healthy. And soon, we'd be going home. Soon, we'd see Jasper. I parked the car and carried Izzy up to our room. I took a shower. I relaxed. These next few days Izzy slept a lot. She was always tired. I hoped she'd get better soon because I'd gotten two plane tickets and I was leaving in one week to see jasper. I wondered around looking for a phone. I called my parents. They off in Europe not even caring that their grandchild was in the hospital for the past month and a half.

I hung up on my mother in mid-sentence. I stormed around the house. I couldn't wait for Izzy to wake up from her nap so I could tell her about going back home. I got comfy on the couch and started to drift off into a sleep. I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks.

**Sorry it's so short… I'm planning on the next chapter… I just needed this little tidbit to get me there. The next chapter is coming soon. **


	18. Chapter 17

**Sorry about how short the last chapter was. Sorry that this chapter took so long to get out.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

I stood there in the hall way and looked around. I listened but there wasn't anything to hear. Everything was silent. It had been a week since I bought my ticket and I was going to go. I needed to get out of this place. But I couldn't help but start to cry. These past few months have been torture. I was emotionally and physically worn out. I just… couldn't handle this. I wasn't trying to run but I was. I glanced in the hall mirror and stared at myself.

I looked older. There were bags under my eyes. My hair wasn't curly it was thrown up into a ponytail. I looked tired. I was dressed in all black. I readjusted the bag on my shoulder. This picture looked wrong. I glanced out the window and saw sun. Outside everything was happy. The grass was green. The sun was out. Children were laughing and playing in the streets. It didn't seem fitting. Not today. There was a trapped remorse girl stuck in this house unable to leave her childhood memories behind.

I thought more about it. I was never a child. I grew up too quickly. I hated that. Izzy was like that too because of her cancer, she lost the little girl inside of her. I was hoping I could find mine again because I was sure it hadn't left me. The little kid in us all chooses when it leave us, not when we leave it. And I feel like mine is just below the surface waiting to come out.

I grabbed my keys and headed out to my car. I had left a note on the table for Renee and Charlie. I felt slightly bad for leaving this way but then I remembered that they weren't home at all when Izzy and I were. I put my suitcases into the truck and raced off. I got to the air port and got out my two tickets.

"Hello." Said the woman as she checked me in. I took my carry on bag and headed off the terminal C. I got there just as they were boarding. I handed the girl my ticket. I got onto the plane and sat down. There was a mother and her child walking backwards. I quickly looked out my window. My seat next to me was empty. We took off and I was scared to let my tears out. I knew that if I did they wouldn't stop and I couldn't have that happen on the plane. I needed to be strong. Things were better this way. I knew it would be hard but I had to try. I put my iPod on and fell asleep.

I woke up and looked out my window. We were right on the coast line again. I smiled. We were landing and I put my iPod away. I waited eagerly for the plane to land. We landed and I was no longer eager. I was mad and upset. I trudged all the way to baggage claim.

I made my way outside to hail a taxi. I couldn't seem to get one to stop. I finally whistled and five taxis halted in their tracks. I smiled and got into the closest one.

I gave her the address and we raced off.

I was nervous. I wasn't sure if he'd moved on. I remember what he said to me.

_I was crying into his chest._

"_Jasper, I don't want to leave you." I whispered into his chest. He squeezed me tighter._

"_Bella, Izzy needs to be with her family…" He whispered. He paused for a long second and said, "Bella, I promise, I will find you." He whispered and kissed the top of my head. _

Well, he hadn't tried to find me. I couldn't help but think that since I left he got back together with Alice. I mean I couldn't blame him… I thought I was never coming back. I just… I don't want him to move on. I want him to be waiting for me until I can get back to him. My nerves were up a wall.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked. It was the first time I spoke all day.

"Go a head." The cab driver said. I rolled down my window a little and lit up my cigarette.

"Do you have another one?" The woman asked. I nodded and handed her one and my lighter. She lit up her cigarette and handed the lighter back to me. I relaxed a little but I was scared to see Jasper.

"Here… just let me off here… I need to think." I said. She nodded I paid her and headed out. I shivered. I grabbed my luggage out of the car and headed up to the old potting shed. It was empty. I opened the door and set my things down. I felt wrong here. Being here felt wrong. I needed to tell Mia I was back. But first I needed to tell Jasper, or at least see him. I headed back out into the cold. I was in my t-shirt and pants. I hit the pavement. I felt more at ease when the full moon was out.

My hands were shaking so badly that I jammed them into my pockets. I quickly headed past the school. I saw kids in the parking lot hanging out. Tossing a football around. They looked happy. I was an outsider. I walked up towards the fence and looked at the happy kids. I saw Emmett and Edward. I saw the group. I saw Jasper chasing after Alice.

"No Jasper!" She laughed. Jasper caught up to her. He grabbed her waist and, picked her up and twirled her around. He kissed her head as they were laughing.

"Hey, who's over there?" Emmett's voice boomed. I froze. I quickly slipped into the shadows in an alley between two houses. I saw them run out by me. They looked around the street.

"Who's out there?" Jasper said. His arm was protectively around Alice, like it use to be around me. But he was never mine. He never could be mine. We were worlds apart, and I couldn't close that gap. I quickly ran out from my hiding place.

"Hey!" Someone shouted. I ran into the pub and walked over to the first empty table. I soon realized that this was the place were the boys played. I sat in a booth far away from people. The 'mafia seats' as Emmett called them.

They were together. They were happy. I needed to stay away from them. Jasper had gotten his life together and I needed to stay so far out of it. I couldn't have him broken like me. He wasn't my guy to fix the pieces. That would be someone else. I was strong and I could handle this. I just needed to keep busy. I needed busy work. I couldn't go back to school. It was no longer an option. I needed to stay away from people. Get a job. Live my life.

But, I needed to be a kid. That's why I came back here. I can't mess around with their group, though. They've finally gotten back to normal. I sighed. I heard the door open and it pulled me from my thoughts. I heard the crowd and noisy pub. I saw Edward come into the pub and talk to the bartender. I wondered what he was saying. The bartender glanced around the pub and then nodded. Edward turned. I ducked. I hoped he didn't see me. I heard the door swing shut and I sat back up. I needed to leave. I quickly rose and silently made my way for the door. I over heard a group talking.

"I don't know… I swear it was a girl." It was Jasper. I slowed down.

"It could've been anyone Jasper." Edward said.

"Jazz, don't worry about it…" Alice's voice got softer. I shivered and hurried for the door. I was pretty sure I could go unseen. I headed out into the cold night. I stood outside the pub and lit up a cigarette. Tomorrow was Monday. I'd start school up. I headed back to the Inn to talk to Mia.

Mia welcomed me back with open arms. I could tell she was trying to hold in her tears until after I left because she didn't want to make this harder from me. I quickly walked back to the potting shed. I closed the door and looked around. It was too empty without Izzy here. My life was too empty without Izzy here. I quickly took a shower and headed to bed. I fell into a restless sleep.

I awoke the alarm beeping at me. I moaned and got up. I slipped into some sweats and quickly headed off to school because I was late. I dashed out to my truck which was still waiting for me. I hopped in and heard the engine roar to life and felt at home already. I got there and I was late. I headed to the office for my new class list. I hurried off to English. I got in there and quickly sat down in the back. Nobody seemed to notice me or act any different. I exhaled, I was glad; I could blend into the background.

My morning classes went by quickly. It was nice out so I decided to stay outside for lunch to avoid the Cullens and the Hales for as long as possible. I reached into my back pack and grabbed out my cigarettes. I should quit, but I'd already lost so much in my life. Jasper, Izzy… I couldn't bear to handle life without them. My eyes started to water. I blinked back the tears. Not here. I can't cry here. Just one more class. I lit up a cigarette and inhaled. My thoughts kept returning to Jasper. I wanted to know where he was. What he was doing. If he was thinking about me. I missed him but I needed to stay out of his life. I was a broken mess. I wouldn't drag him into my world of depression. Although, dragging someone into my life to make theirs suck more than mine didn't sound so bad right now.

I was in a dark place and I needed a friendly. But the friendly face I wanted couldn't have me. I flicked my cigarette away. I heard the bell ring and I headed to my last class, gym. Hurried and got there. The coach said I didn't have to change today just watch. I took my back pack and sat on the blenchers. They were play mat ball. It's where you have two balls and someone throws them onto the playing field and you run for them. it's like a free for all dodge ball. It was a fun game. They had people sit out. I got out my drawing stuff. I started to draw. I heard someone come up the blenchers but I didn't think much of it. They sat down next to me.

"Hello Bella."

I was speechless; I was trying so hard to be not seen by them.

"Hi…" I said.

"What are you doing back here?"

"I…" I started.

"Is Izzy here?"

"Emmett, not now okay…? And I'd rather you not tell Jasper I'm back… he's with Alice now and I don't want to mess things up… please?" I whispered.

"You were the person you who was outside the school yard last night." It wasn't a question. I simply nodded.

"Bella…" He started.

"Emmet, please… I can't deal with this right now, just promise me that Jasper won't find out I'm here… unless he sees me himself." I said. He nodded.

"How have you been?" he whispered after a second.

"Tired." Was all I could say without crying. The bell rang and I raced from the gym. I quickly headed out to my truck. I saw Jasper and Alice together; they parked right next to my truck. My feet were glued to the ground. I couldn't move. I couldn't go over there and risk being exposed. I couldn't go back inside and risk running into another one. So I stood there waiting for something to happen. I followed behind a big crowd of kids heading over that way. It worked. I stayed behind them until I got to my truck. I new that I just needed a few seconds to zip out of the parking lot. As I was pulling out, I almost hit a car. I freaked out. I glanced in the review mirror as I noticed which car it was. I slammed on the gas and floored it out of there before they could put two and two together. I took the back way to get to the Inn, incase they followed me. I got there and it was safe. I started work.

After a few weeks of this it was like I never left. My depression was worse. I didn't speak. I didn't have fun. I didn't smile. I wasn't myself. I was just trying to make it day to day with out falling apart. I was stronger but at the same time I was weaker. I was weak for keeping this all to myself. But at the same time that, made me stronger. I fought to stay alive. I was a fighter. I got to school and I was dressed in my usual get-up; jeans a t-shirt, and a hoodie.

I hugged my books to my chest and glanced up at the school. I had my hood up because it was lightly raining. I took a deep breath and headed into to school. I no longer cared if I ran into Jasper. I couldn't afford to care. I got to English and we had a sub. She had crazy hair and she was always facing the board. I grabbed my glasses out of my back pack and put them on. I usually didn't have to wear them but since my contacts went out I started wearing them again.

Hairwoman talked about some book or something. I glanced down at the book in my hands. I'd never read it. It was called _Catch 22_. I flipped the book open and started to read. By the time the bell rang I was almost to the second chapter. I gather up my things taking my good sweet time and slowly headed off to the library. I was planning on skipping my other classes to finish this book. It was quite long and I wanted to read it.

I started to realize that this book was about Yossarian. He's in World War II and he's trying to get out. He realizes that he's got to get out. He's trap in a world that he did not choose for himself. He goes to great lengths to get out unscathed. I could relate to Yossarian. I was going to great lengths to ostracize myself from everyone. To get out of the world I did not choose for myself.

The bell rang and I finished my book. I got up and headed over to the shelves of books to try and find something else to read. I found a new book. It's about how people hate their lives and they've fallen into a mask of how you've got to settle down and let life go on. They are unhappy and they hate their lives. I picked Revolutionary Road. I checked it out. The bell rang again and I gather up my things and headed out into the hall. I saw them. Everyone right there. Everyone just stared at me. None of them could believe I was really back except for Emmett. He knew. He'd known for a week. Jasper was on the end and he looked like he was in pain. I walked past him as quickly as I could.

It hurt that he didn't care that I was back. I almost wanted to go back there and deck him. I just wanted to make someone as miserable as me. I put my books into my locker and headed for lunch. It was raining outside, so now I really had no place to hide. I got into the lunch room and bought my lunch. I found a table that nobody was sitting at. These tables were big enough to hold ten kids but I only needed one. I sat down at the big table and started eating. I kept my head down as I ate. I heard people come over by me. Nobody came over here… I glanced up. It was the Cullens. I glared at them and glanced back down. They sat down.

"Hi Bella." They all greeted me. But it wasn't like it should've been it was like they were coming up to a wild bear.

Me: Nothing.

Minutes past and I had no reason to talk to any of them. I was just completely annoyed with every single one of them. They didn't even try to see me. Not one of them. I had nothing to say to any of them. I just wanted them gone. I wanted to leave but I had no place to go. It isn't like my parent's house would be the ideal place for me to stay. At least here I would be able to live without being reminded of how I fucked up everything for my parents. I couldn't handle that anymore.

"Damnit Bella! Talk to us." Jasper growled. I looked up at him. He eyes looked annoyed and then they quickly changed to sadness. I couldn't begin to imagine what I looked like. Or what my expression held. Sadness, anger… it had to be something. I looked at all of them and stood up and walked away. I wouldn't give into this. I couldn't talk to them for if I did I'd drag them down into my depression abyss.

I got changed for gym and headed out. I saw Emmett staring at the girls changing room door. I caught his eyes. He was sad and confused. I took a deep breath. We stood around and we were playing badminton. We were assigned partners, mine was Emmett. At first it was practice with your partner. We walked over to our court and I was on the far side. We started and it was going good.

"What's going on with you?" he asked. I smacked the birdie harder. I was taking out all my aggression on the birdie. I was so annoyed with the whole lot of them I just wanted them to leave me alone… but I did come back to their town… maybe I would go elsewhere. Finally I missed the birdie. Emmett walked over to my side of the court.

"What's going on?" He asked again. I looked directly into his eyes.

"Nothing." I said threw clenched teeth.

"I've been clean for almost seven months." He whispered. My expression didn't change.

"I'm fine." I said and yanked my arm out of his grip.

"Bella, what's going on? We're happy your back." He said as I turned my back. I quickly turned around and was barely an inch away from him.

"Happy I'm back? Well if you were so happy, then why the hell didn't you come to see me and my dying kid?" I growled.

"Well…" He stammered.

"Well, nothing… you didn't come. Just leave me alone!" I barked and threw my racquet down and burst threw the doors and left the school. I headed out. I went to my locker to get some things. I as I turned the corner I saw Jasper and Alice talking. I hid back by the corner.

"What's the matter?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing." She whispered.

"Alice…" I peeked around the corner. "Alice… I'm worried about you." He whispered. She looked up at him. His arms were around her waist. He leaned down and kissed her. I had to get out the doors at the end of the hallway and I think if I ran past them and didn't stop at my locker that they wouldn't notice.

I started walking past them. I was completely pissed off now. I was nothing more than a toy to him. So I turned around and they were still going at it.

"Get a room." I said. I was completely disgusted. It colored my tone. I did stop at my locker. I wasn't going to let them chase me away from this town or this hall. I would go where I wanted, when I pleased. They quickly jumped and pulled apart.

"Don't be such a…" his voice trailed off. I already had my head in my locker getting my things together. I slammed my locker door shut and saw him staring at me.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer." I snapped. I headed towards the doors. The bell rang and the halls filed with students. I quickly got out to the parking lot. I couldn't find my truck. I heard footsteps pounding on the pavement. I started walking incase someone was coming after me. I felt someone grab my hand.

"Bella, what's going on?" Jasper asked.

"Let me go." I said my voice shook with anger. I had to be careful this was Jasper. I needed to keep my temper in check.

"No… Not until you tell me what's going on." He demanded.

"No…" I said and finally faced him. "Jasper, you don't get to play that card anymore… I can back here under the impression that you liked me… and maybe you once had but I was nothing more than that. A one time deal. You've got Alice. Now why don't you leave me alone?" I asked. My façade was cracking.

"You came back for me?" he asked. I sighed.

"Don't you remember what you told me before I left?" I asked softly. He thought for a minute.

"You said, Bella, I will find you. You promised. You never came… I had to keep telling my kid we'd see you soon… and when she got out of the hospital we'd visit… because…" My voice started to crack. The tears started to fall down my cheeks. It was perfect it started to rain. We were standing in the rain. "…she kept asking for you. She wanted you and I couldn't give it too her… she didn't ask for anything but… where's Jasper? and I didn't know what to do… I told her you'd be here soon. But you never came…" I said. he took a step forward to hug me. I took a step back.

"No… don't you get it? I can't be near you… I shouldn't even be talking to you… I can't… I'll drag you down and just make your life as miserable as mine… and you're finally happy and I can't fuck around with that…" I said I was practically shouting at him.

"Bella… where's Izzy?" he asked.

"I've got to go… I'm late…" I said and headed towards my truck. I quickly got in and sat there. I tried to calm down. My hands were shaking so badly; I clenched them to the steering wheel. I finally controlled myself and stopped the crying. I raced from the parking lot and headed back to the potting shed.

I sat around and did my home work.

Months past. I'd gotten worse. I wasn't healthy. I needed help. My depression was bad but it was better than what other's had. The kid who you didn't even know her name. I was nameless girl. It was hard. I missed Izzy. I missed Jackson. I missed my friends. I missed everything.

Everything changed, nothing was the same.

**Hit or miss? I hope it was worth the wait. I should hopefully get the next few chapter out sooner (hopefully.) **


	19. Songs

**These songs made me think of the story and I wanted the share them with you. The next chapter should be out soon. **

**Songs**

Jumper by Bedlight for blue eyes

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand, I would understand

The angry boy, a bit too insane  
Icing over a secret pain  
You know you don't belong  
You're the first to fight  
You're way too loud  
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud  
I know something's wrong  
Cause everyone I know has got a reason To say  
Put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties from all the lies you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand, I would understand

Well, he's on the table and he's gone to code  
And I do not think anyone knows  
What they're doing here  
And your friends have left  
And you've been dismissed  
I never thought it would come to this  
And I, I want you to know  
Everyone's got to face down the demons  
Maybe today We can put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
You could cut ties from all the lies you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand I would understand I would understand  
I would understand I would understand I would understand

Can you put the past away  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
(I would understand...)  
You could cut ties from all the lies you've been living in  
(I would understand...)  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
I would understand  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend  
I would understand  
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend

Stand in the Rain by Superchick

She never slows down.  
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down  
She won't turn around  
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down  
She wants to be found  
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
Stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain


	20. Chapter 18

**I will be switching points view this chapter. But I think it will mainly be in Bella's point view.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

The alarm went off. I flicked it off and rolled back over. I laid there under my pillow trying to fall back a sleep. I couldn't. I just laid there thinking. I shivered. I got up and took a shower. I got ready for the long day. I started gathering up my things for school. I was already missing my first mod. I grabbed my keys and headed out to the truck. It was tough getting up. Going to school. Being a human. I couldn't find any motivation to do anything anymore. All was lost, nothing was found. I just wanted to lie down and never get back up. I shook the thought as I pulled into the student parking lot. I headed inside. I got to the doors and saw this kid holding up a gun. My eyes got wide. I froze with terror. The gun went off and shattered the glass. I ducked down. I heard a bus pull up.

"CODE RED. I REPEAT, CODE RED!" Someone came on over the P.A. system. I saw kids filling back on the bus. I hurried up and headed inside.

"Jasper! Back on the bus!" Coach Clapp called. I headed into the library. It wasn't the safest place but I needed to get some where. My leg was killing me. I got a piece of glass in there. I shivered. I sat at the end of the row of shelves on the floor crying at the pain. But I soon realized that I wasn't crying from the pain I was crying because this could be my escape. I could finally escape this place… this world. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as the tears ran down my face. I wondered where the rest of the Cullens were.

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_Emmett's point of view_

I was walking to my first class. I wondered where Rose was.

"CODE RED. I REPEAT, CODE RED!" Someone came on over the P.A. system. I saw kids running everywhere. Rose usually had tutoring in the mornings. I headed over that way. The door was locked when I got there. I softly knocked on the door. I heard muffled talking behind the door.

"Rose its Emmett." I said softly. I slipped my license under the door.

"How many months?" she asked. I knew she was referring to how many months I'd been clean.

"Seven." I said. I heard the door unlock. She opened it and hugged me.

"Come on, let's get out of here… the halls are empty…" I said.

"Nobody's going anywhere." I looked up and saw that Mike Newton was holding a gun in his shaky hand. I froze. He was pointing it a Rose. My whole body stiffened.

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_Jasper's point of view_

I got off the bus with Edward. I looked up at the doors and saw Bella. I wanted to talk to her… I haven't seen her in months. I was worried. I knew she didn't want to talk to me… but she needed help and I wanted to help her. We started seeing all these people running and screaming.

"CODE RED. I REPEAT, CODE RED!" Someone came on over the P.A. system. I froze. Bella… she was in the school. I looked back up and the door was shattered. She wasn't there anymore. I ran towards the school.

"Jasper get you're ass back here!" Coach Clapp shouted.

"I've got it…" Edward shouted and ran after me.

"Jasper!" Alice shouted. I glanced back and she was put back on the bus. Edward tackled me.

"Rosie's in there." I shouted. And started thrashing under his grip.

"So is Bella." He countered. I got out from underneath him and ran for Coach Clapp's office. Edward shut the door behind me.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked.

"I've got to find Bella… I was such an ass to her…" I said. I felt horrible. I grabbed a baseball bat.

"To hell you are!" He shouted.

"Edward…" I said and looked him in the eyes. "What if something happened to her? I mean what about Izzy?" I asked.

"Jasper…" Edward whispered with big eyes. "Izzy died out in Arizona… didn't she tell you?" He asked. I stared at him. I wasn't sure I was able to understand what he was saying. Izzy couldn't be dead… she was just a little girl… she was Bella's little girl. Although it would make sense is to why Bella was so pissed off me with that day in the hallway. I was now full of furry. Izzy was too little and innocent to die.

"Jasper…" Edward said. I headed back out there.

"Edward… I…" I was going to say I love you… but I couldn't get the words out, plus it sounded gay.

"I know man…" He said. I headed out into the hall to try and find Bella. I saw blood by the library door. I inhaled sharply. I quickly made my way to the library. I headed up the steps to the second level.

*************************************************************************

_Alice's point of view_

We were getting off the bus and I was standing behind Edward and Jasper. I saw all these people running and screaming. I wondered what was going on.

"CODE RED. I REPEAT, CODE RED!" Someone came on over the P.A. system. I was terrified. I froze. Jasper started running, most likely to find Rose.

"Jasper get you're ass back here!" Coach Clapp shouted.

"I've got it…" Edward shouted and ran after him.

"Jasper!" I shouted. I was trying to run towards them when Coach Clapp stopped me. Edward tackled Jazz.

"Rosie's in there." He shouted. And started thrashing under his grip. I could no longer hear. One of the football players grabbed me and hoisted me up over his shoulder and put me back on the bus. The bus left with out Coach Clapp. He set me down.

"What?" I stammered.

"I'm sorry Alice… but it's too dangerous for you to be at school. Edward will make sure Jasper is safe. I promise." I exhaled a shaky breath as tears fell down my face. I got comfy on in the seat next to football player.

*************************************************************************************

_Bella's point of view_

I sat there in the library waiting for everything to get dark and cold. I heard the door shut. I froze. My heart raced. The gunman. He was coming to kill me. This was like a bad horror movie gone seriously wrong. I was already bleeding out my leg… I couldn't handle much more of this. I felt like my heart would come out of my chest any minute. I heard footsteps get closer. As the person came around the corner the shouted.

"Ahhh!" I cried. I looked up and just cried harder.

"Bella?"

"I'll be right back."

"Wait, Jazz, don't leave me…" I whispered and tugged on his pants.

"I'm just going to block the door." He whispered. He left. I was grateful he found me. I was scared to be by myself. I didn't even care that it was him. I was glad it was anyone. I didn't want to die alone... I didn't want to die alone. I shivered. He came back and sat down next to me. I glanced over at him. He was wearing blue jeans with a white shirt and a black leather jacket. He looked good. It hurt to look at him.

"Bells, what happened?" He whispered.

"I got a piece of glass in my leg…" I said.

"Do you mind if I look?" he asked. He looked at my cut. He touched my leg and I flinched. My head rolled onto his shoulder. I was getting tired. I just wanted to close my eyes and rest for a minute.

"Jasper…" I whispered. "I'm…tired." My voice was raspy.

"Bella you've got to stay awake… tell me about you're best day ever." He whispered softly. He was trying to be strong but I could hear the panic in his voice.

"It was a snow day… Izzy and I didn't have school… and she drags me outside and we're playing and we make a snow fort… and there was a tunnel." I gasp. I was running out of breath. I took a deep breath. "And I felt so very safe in the tunnel I left like nothing bad could ever happen to me." I whispered. I closed my eyes.

"Bella…" He whispered. I glanced over at him.

*************************************************************************************

_Emmett's point of view_

I stood frozen at the door with my arms wrapped around her.

"Inside now!" Mike ordered. I slowly made my way into the room. Rose was freaking out. She took out her cell phone and tried sending a text.

"Okay… Nobody goes out that door." He said. I took a deep breath he was sitting on the edge of the desk.

"Hey!" He shouted and pointed the gun at Rose. "What the hell are you doing Rosie?" He asked. "I can't believe I actually liked you…" He said. She started to cry.

"Don't point that thing at her." I shouted.

"Cell phones!" Newton called. We all tossed our cell phones up.

"Cullen. Tape a line on the floor… and nobody passes that line." He said. He tossed me the tape and I drew a line on the floor. I went back to a table where Rose sat. Everything was quiet. I hoped the others had a better fate than mine. I would do anything to keep Rose safe. I knew Jasper would be crushed if anything happened to her.

"You shouldn't have tried to come back for me…" Rose whispered.

"I wasn't going to let you be alone in this school…" I whispered. Even though Rose and I's relationship wasn't dating just an endless string of one night stands. But I always cared about her. I hate it when she dated other guys. I hate it when they hurt her. I hate it when she cries. I hate it when she's sad. I hate it when we aren't together. I really hate how I treat her. I really, really do love her. Newton started laughing. I grabbed Rose's hand.

"You guys are pathetic!" He laughed. His laughed was humorless and cynical.

"What are you talking about? Why are you doing this Mike?" I asked him. He looked annoyed.

"You guys want to hear a story?" He asked but didn't give us time to answer. "Well, back in the tenth grade. My dad came to pick me up from school and he saw me get my ass kicked in the quad." He said. "And he looked at me like I was a loser. It was the same look he had in his eyes when he left me and my mom… Well… after that I learned to walk the halls with my head down. Be invisible. And it worked. And I realized that every day I come here is one more day I don't have to come back. And that was depressing so when I got home I took an antidepressant. And then for fun, I took another twelve." He said. I never expected him to have such a horrible life but then I again I never talked to the guy. I didn't hate him; I didn't have an opinion, because I didn't know him. I felt sad for him.

"The doctors and my mom called it an 'accident' but it wasn't. After about two weeks I came back to school and realized that nobody noticed I was gone. It was the happiest and saddest day of my life."

I felt an overwhelming sadness for him right now. I looked around the room of like eight or nine kids and we were all sitting here and I knew these people but ask me a personal question and I couldn't answer. This was a dark day at Forks High.

*************************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

Bella sat there crying. And her leg was like a fountain gushing out blood instead of water. It was deep and I didn't know what to do. It looked like a bullet hole not a shard of glass, but I didn't want to alarm her.

"Bella…" I started. She glanced over at me.

"Please Jazz… not now… I'm so tired." She whispered. I nodded. I glanced back at her leg.

"Here…" I muttered. I took off my leather jacket and put it around her shoulders. Her face was going blue; her lips were turning a purple color. I stripped off my shirt and tied it around her leg. She flinched as I tied the shirt around her leg. I was in my under shirt now. She put her head back on my chest.

"How are things?" She asked.

"Things are fine… as you know I've started dating Alice again…" I muttered. It stabbed my heart as she just nodded.

"I'm happy for you… you need someone stable." She said. That hurt too. She was stable… she was what I needed. Alice was my rebound. Which was horrible but I looked at her and saw Bella. She knew that when I looked at her I didn't even see her anymore. She ignored it. I was a jackass for treating her so badly. I didn't know what I'd do.

"How are you?" I finally asked after minutes of silence.

"I'm fine." She said. She'd been saying that word so much it didn't even sound like a word anymore. I sighed.

"Bella?" I asked again.

"Jasper, I'm fine." She said again with a harsh tone.

"You're leg's bleeding… badly… please we have to get out of here." I said.

"I can't move… my leg hurts too much." She whispered and she started to cry.

"Bella don't cry." I pleaded.

"You know what I thought when I was sitting here alone?" she asked. I didn't answer because I knew she'd tell me. "I was thinking, finally, this will be my way out. I would no longer need to pretend everything was alright. Because they aren't. Things are bad and the possibility of them becoming good I'd take it no questions asked. Izzy dissevered better than me for a mother." She cried.

"Bella don't say that. Izzy loved you." I said. I didn't know what to say. She was… I hated this. I hated how things ended up.

"Bella… I…" I stammered. She was quiet. I wondered what she was thinking about.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" I finally asked. I looked down and her eyes were closed.

"Bella! Bella! Wake up!" I cried in a panic.

I didn't get a response.

*************************************************************************

_Alice's point of view_

The bus drove away from school. I wondered if Jasper found Rose. If he was okay. If Edward was with him. Where Emmett was. I was worried from my friends. But I wasn't worried for Bella. I almost wanted her dead. I know it's horrible to think that way but… she caused our group so much pain. I'd just rather she moved away or didn't come out of the school. I sound shallow and bitter. I was a petty little girl. We finally got back to the school and we had a police man take us to the gym where we had to wait until our parents came to get us. Great… my parents are well… they aren't. I looked around and found Emily and Sam. Edward's mom and dad. They were practically all of our parents. I ran over to them

I received hugs.

"Alice, where are the rest of them?" She asked. My eyes filled up with tears.

"I don't know Emily, Jasper and Edward ran back into the school… Edward tried to stop him but he went back in for Rose… and Edward tried to pull him back… and I don't know where Emmett and Rose are." I whispered.

"What about Bella?" She asked. My face turned hostile.

"I didn't see her at all." I was harsh and I hated it. They checked me in with the police. I was able to leave. I went out side by the gym doors and made it to one of the metal poles. I grabbed onto the pole to steady myself. I started to cry and leaned against the pole. I hoped the other's found a safer way out of this.

I could only pray.

*************************************************************************

_Bella's point of view_

Jasper was talking but I couldn't hear him anymore. I was going. I was so tired. I just needed to rest for a few minutes. I close my eyes.

"Bella…" I heard Jasper calling me but he sounded so far away.

I slowly opened my eyes. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Jazz, that isn't glass in my leg, is it?" I asked slowly.

"No." He shook his head. He looked serious. "Bells, I've got to get you out of here… I'm going to go unblock the door… you're let is bleeding, badly…" He said. I looked at him.

"Would you hold it against me… if I kissed you right now because I've lost a lot of blood and… I might not get another chance too…" I whispered. I leaned in. he gently pressed his lips down on mine. He pulled away.

"I'll be right back." He whispered. He walked away leaving me alone again. I shiver. I couldn't help it. I was so cold. So weak. I heard him walking back over towards me. He smiled. He gently scooped me up and headed back down the big staircase.

*************************************************************************

_Emmett's point of view_

We sat there in the room like hostages. Rosie glanced behind me.

"Gabby, are you okay?" She asked and gets up to check on this girl. There was this girl who looked so sick. Rose kneels down next to her and looks at her bracelet.

"What's wrong with her?" Mike asked.

"She's a dietetic…" She muttered. "Gabby where's your insulin?" She asked.

"In my locker." She said.

"Damnit!" Mike cussed.

"Mike, just let her go to her locker, you've got us…" I said. Rosie helped Gabby get over to the door.

"Back behind the line." Mike shouted and pointed the gun at Rosie. I stiffened.

"Cullen!" Mike shouted. He looked scared. I got up and grabbed Rosie's hand. I pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Gabby was at the door.

"Are there others?" she asked. Mike was talking about how if he thinks he's the only one who's unhappy just wait until the others find us. I understand what he was saying. That the other kids are just as unhappy as he is… and some day someone would crack.

"Does this look well planned to you?" He asked. He was standing over by the door.

"No." She whispered.

"Go on, get out of here." He whispered. He seemed to really care for her. She glanced at all of us and ran. Mike closed the door and sat back on the edge of the desk.

"Next person who goes into that hallway is going to die." He promised. I gulped and Rose and I sat back down. We heard the library doors bang shut at the end of the hall. I froze.

"Well, that's my cue." He said.

"No, Mike, you don't have to do this! I mean you haven't killed anyone… please just turn yourself in… I'll go with you…" Rosie cried. I grabbed her hand.

"For god sakes, you're just a kid… kids shouldn't be so cruel and full of hate… Come on… put the gun down… we're just kids." Rachel said from a few tables away. She too had tears in her eyes.

"I can't get out of what I've done. There no way." He said. I was terrified. He headed out the door and closed it. We all waited. Sitting terrified that he would actually kill someone… we were waiting for it to happen. It was hanging in the loom we just didn't know when. I heard a gun shot. Rose started to cry. I heard other. Tears leaked from my eyes.

*************************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

Bella was going to die if I didn't get her out of here. She was bleeding out threw her gun wound. I was going to kill the person who did this.

"Bella, please… I've got to get you out of here." I whispered. She shook her head weakly.

"I can't move… it hurts too much." She whispered. I took a deep breath.

"I'll be right back I'm going to unblock the door." I whispered. I hurried over to the big door where I shoved a table against the door. I slid the table out of the way. I hurried up stairs and stood next to Bella. She was bleeding threw my shirt. I took a deep breath. I scooped her up and gently began walking downstairs. She grimaced.

"Are you in pain?" I asked quickly.

"No, I'm fine… a little light headed but I'm fine." She whispered as she rested her head against my chest. I headed out the door. I let to door shut behind me. Only it thudded loudly. I froze with Bella in my arms. I was terrified that we'd be heard. I waited a second and kept walking for the door at the end of this corridor. I started walking. I saw someone come out from the corner holding a gun. I freeze terrified.


	21. Chapter 19

**Hey everyone I hoped ya'll like the last chapter. This chapter will finish up the shooting; I hope last chapter wasn't confusing. **

**Chapter Nineteen**

_Jasper's point of view_

I froze my feet glued to the ground. I couldn't move. Bella's eyes still closed. I looked back up and saw Mike Newton holding a gun in a shaky hand.

"She's hurt… she's going to bleed out… I need to get her help." I said with big eyes. Mike lowered the gun. He looked pained.

"I didn't mean to hurt her." He kept repeating over and over again.

"I know man, but I gotta get her out of here." I whispered. Sam came into the hall. My whole body stiffened.

"Go on Jasper." Sam said in a calm tone. I was scared. He was like my dad. "Jasper, go on." He said again. I hurried out the door and headed into the quad. As soon as I get out there I see TV reporters, policemen, and ambulances. Men with guns pointed their guns at me and someone took Bella out of my arms. They searched me down and then I headed over by Emily.

"Have you seen Sam?" She whispered.

"Yeah, he's talking to Mike Newton." I whispered. I gave her a hug.

"Have you seen Alice?" I asked fervently.

"Yes, she around somewhere. How's Bella?" She asked. My eyes fill up with tears. I cough quickly.

"Jasper, she'll be okay." Emily whispered as she pulled me in for a hug. I nodded. We waited. I heard the gun go off. My heart stopped.

*************************************************************************************

_They started to file kids into the gym. The kids waited for their parents to come and check them in. Everyone panicked. Scared. Shaken. Horrified. And most of them, sad. _

"_Ms. Newton?" Asked an officer. The tiny woman with gray hair up in a bun looked up. Her eyes were wide with worry._

"_Is my son alright?" She asked. Her smile fell off her face when the officers just looked sad._

"_Can, you come with us please?" They asked. She headed off. They wheeled the bodies out._

*************************************************************************************

_Jasper's point of view_

I grabbed Emily's hand as they wheeled out two bodies. Sam was gone and it was Mike's fault. Emily composed herself and we headed towards the gym to round up the rest of our kids. I scan the crowd for Rosie. I see her and drop Emily's hand and race for Rose. I pulled her into to a hug and we both start crying.

"Jasper, I was so, worried about you!" she cried.

"Are you okay? Where's Emmett?" I asked. I look around and he's standing with Edward. Edward. I stop rejoicing with Rose. Everyone stares at me.

"How's Bella?" Edward asked.

"She got shot in the leg… but she's fine, I got her out. She's off at the hospital…" I said. Emily came up behind me. Edward swiftly walked over to her.

"Mom, what's wrong?" He asked. I gave Alice a big hug.

"Edward…" Emily whispered. Rose moved back by Emmett. I started to cry before she even finished. "Sam went back into the school to talk to Mike…" Was all she could get out. Everyone was in tears. Sam was dead. Bella was in the hospital. Thing were bad in Forks.

*************************************************************************************_A few weeks later._

*************************************************************************************

_Bella's point of view_

My leg was getting better but I have to wear a cast around and hop on crutches. It was hard but I got the hang of it. School was different. Most people were trying to get back to normal. Although there are a few of us, who can't quiet seem to get over the losses. I made my way to the lunch room. I saw everyone as if nothing happened. I sighed. I hobbled to an empty table in the back of the room. I sat down and started nibbling on my lunch. I looked up and saw the Cullens heading to an empty lunch table. Jasper's arm was around Alice and Angela was clinging to Edward. I felt bad for him. I understood what he was going through. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. They sat down a few tables away. I was exiled. Nobody wanted to talk to the freak. I pulled up my hood and switched on my iPod and tuned the world out. I was alone in the fucked up place now more than ever.

The bell rang and I threw my things out and headed off to biology. I set my things down and took my seat next to Edward. He looked sad. I wanted to say something but I didn't know where to start.

"How are you?" I whispered.

Edward: Nothing.

I glanced at him. He glared at me like it was my fault. I nodded as I realized if Jasper had run in to save me. Then Sam wouldn't have came in. and then he'd still have his dad. It was my fault. Edward was blaming me. I was overwhelmed with an uncontrollable sadness. I couldn't handle it. I needed to leave the room before everyone saw me break down. I ran from the class room as the teacher called after me. The kids openly said I was a freak and there was the proof. None of that mattered anymore. Not now not ever. I couldn't go back it was too late. I found a window seat in the C section and curled up into a ball waiting for my melt-down to start. I heard footsteps. I wondered if Mr. Banner sent someone to make sure I was alright.

"Alice are you sure everything's alright?" Jasper asked.

"I'm just worried about you… since the shooting, you're different." She said. I prayed and hoped that God would finally be on my side and let me go unnoticed.

"I'm worried about Edward." He admitted.

"He needs time. We all do." She said with a strange emphasis on the last part.

"I told you, I'm over her. I've got no feelings left for her. She's meaningless. Just a person." Jasper said. I was now consumed by furry. I was just a person to him? I couldn't stand being like this, all these emotions… I needed a way out of feeling pain, sadness, hurt. I wanted to be done with it all. I hurried from my spot and raced home. I had some liquor in the top shelf. I grabbed down the Vodka and unscrewed the top and took a giant swig. I felt it slid down my throat and burn. The mind numbing began. I finished down the whole bottle. I soon after passed out.

I stayed home for weeks. I needed to know how to stay drunk with out appearing so. I would drink slowly and in moderation so I wouldn't get plastered. After weeks I mastered this. I filled a water bottle up with Vodka and headed off to school. I shouldn't have been driving because I was pushing almost seventy in a twenty-five zone but my senses were dulled. I pulled into the parking lot barely missing the car next to me. I sat there and took a small sip of my 'water' and tucked it back into my backpack. I saw kids getting out of the car I almost hit. Emmett looked at me and looked worried. I pulled up my hood and turned on my iPod and got out of the car. I almost fell over. I quickly headed into school slightly hung-over. It was lunch and my buzz was wearing off. I was standing at my locker and I took a big swig. I closed the water bottle and slammed my locker shut. I felt slightly disoriented. I stood there trying to regain my balance. I headed off to lunch. My eyes were red and puffy; I was hung over and smelled of stale beer. I looked like shit, but at least I didn't feel anything. It was a price I was willing to pay.

I was standing in lunch line. I was finally able to walk without that stupid cast on.

"Did you hear about Bella?" One of the kids ahead of me asked.

"No, what about her?"

"I heard she killed her daughter and then, she convinced Mike to kill Sam."

I couldn't believe people would say something like that. Even in my drunken stupor, I felt a wave of uncontrollable emotion sweep through me. I drop my tray and walk as fast as I can with out tripping towards the back exist. I ran right past Jasper's table. Everyone's laughing and I've finally had enough. I don't make it very far before someone comes outside and pulled me into a hug. I don't even bother to look up. I just cry.

**Hit or miss? I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Any guess who came out to comfort her?**


	22. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

_Bella's point of view_

I stood there as I was being held. I just needed to get back to my backpack and take another swig of liquor. Nobody new. Nobody understood me. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't keep handling this on my own. I slowly broke away and ran for my locker. I heard him call my name. I didn't slow down. I made it to my locker and fumbled with the combination. I yanked it open and unscrewed the water bottle and took a giant swig.

"Bella what are you doing?"

Me: Nothing.

I pulled the bottle away from my lips and waited for the burning to start. I stood there and closed my eyes for a second. The pain and the hurt, the terror and the sadness started to fade. Numbness started to slowly crept back into my body. I let out a sigh of relief. He pulled the bottle of out my hand and took a sip.

"Ugh! Bella! What are you doing?" I finally found some words.

"Leave me alone." I leaned back against the lockers for support.

"I'm taking you home." He said. I finally opened my eyes.

"Emmett, I'm fine. Everyone handles pain differently. Edward blames me. Jasper runs away from it. I… just deal with it the best way I can so I can make it through the day. Emmett, I can't control what happened back then but I've got very little say in my life and I'm dealing with it the best I can." I slurred my words.

"Bella, you've been hung-over for days. You smell of stale beer and you look like you haven't slept in weeks. I'm worried about you and so is Rosie… Let me take you home?" He asked. I sighed.

"I suppose, I am out of vodka." I muttered. He looked disappointed. I handed him my keys and we headed out to the parking lot as lunch was letting out. We walked over by Rosie who was by everyone else.

"I've got something I need to take care of. I'll just meet you guys back at the house." He said. I stood there trying to regain my balance before I started walking again.

"Bella, you look sick are you okay?" Rose asked. I nodded unable to speak.

"I'm fine." My words were badly slurred. I was barely understandable. Emmett sighed.

"I'll take care of it." He muttered to Rose. I closed my eyes trying to make everyone stop spinning.

"She looks like she's been hung-over for weeks!" Rose said no doubt studying my face. I found words.

"I have been. Ever since Edward made it seem like it was my fault Jasper ran back inside… and if he hadn't come looking for me then Sam would still be alive. So he'd rather see me dead. So after I realized that, I went home to an empty house and had a drink. And then for fun I had a few more bottles." I said while my eyes were locked with Edward. He looked enraged and then he looked sad. I started to sway.

Everything went black. I heard someone shouting and the earth was shaking.

***************************************************************************************************

_Emmett's point of view_

I couldn't believe that this is how Bella chose to deal with the pain of what happened months ago. She looked horrible her pretty eyes swollen and red. Her brown hair up in a bun or ponytail hidden under a hood. She always wore a baggy sweat shirt and jeans. She was a wreck and none of us were helping her. Just because Edward is blaming her for the killing of Sam. And Alice wants her dead as well. And Jasper is trying to deny his feelings for her. That doesn't mean Rose and I should suffer the loss of our friend.

She and I slowly made our way out to the parking lot. I saw Rosie and was going to tell her I'd be back later. Bella needed my help right now and I didn't care how upset everyone became from it. she was our friend and she needs us.

"I've got something I need to take care of. I'll just meet you guys back at the house." I said as I slowly made my way next to her. She looked over my shoulder to see Bella standing with her eyes closed. Most likely trying to regain balance.

"Bella, you look sick are you okay?" Rose asked. She nodded unable to speak. This was bad. Bella needed help. Maybe more than we can give her.

"I'm fine." Her were words were slurred so badly it was hard to understand her. I sighed. Bells was a mess.

"I'll take care of it." I muttered to Rose. She looked worried and sad.

"She looks like she's been hung-over for weeks!" Rose said studying Bella's face.

"I have been. Ever since Edward made it seem like it was my fault Jasper ran back inside… and if he hadn't come looking for me then Sam would still be alive. So he'd rather see me dead. So after I realized that, I went home to an empty house and had a drink. And then for fun I had a few more bottles."She said while her eyes were locked with Edward. He looked enraged and then he looked sad. Bella started to sway. She fell over but I caught her just in time. I started to shake her.

"Bella! Bella? Bella!" I shouted. She didn't hear me. she passed out. I looked at Rosie.

"I'll come and help." She whispered and forced a smile on her face as she said, "She'll be okay." It was a lie. Even if Bella was only just badly hung-over for the next few days the mental and emotional wounds she's gotten wouldn't be able to be fixed as easily as some good hang-over food and sleep. I picked Bella up and we headed towards the parking lot.

"I'll drive our car." Edward whispered. I hesitated a second and then merely nodded.

"I'll come too." Alice whispered. Everyone was feeling guilty and mostly Edward and Alice for wanting her dead. They didn't hide it well and now Bella was in deep trouble. Rosie drove and I sat in the front with Bella in my lap. We got to her house and we headed inside. It was a mess. Bottles of any kind of liquor everywhere. It was horrible you'd think a gang of bikers had rolled threw here. Rose and I headed back towards her bed. Rose stripped the sheets and washed them while Alice put new ones on. Everyone started to clean up. We threw out all the empty bottles of liquor and then we gather up all the full bottles we could find. We'd finally gotten the house cleaned and ordered pizza. We all crashed wherever there was space.

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_Bella's point of view_

I rolled over and saw sunlight coming in the window. The sun was rising. I got out of bed and saw that everyone had crashed at my house. I smiled but it quickly faded while I realized everyone was here. They cleaned the house. I saw all the full bottles of liquor I had stashed around the house on the kitchen table. I grabbed a bottle and quietly headed outside. I went to sit at the edge of the pond. Izzy and I use to come out here and watch the parties the Inn held. Now I sat there alone. I let my feet dangle in the water. I unscrewed the top to the bottle and took a tiny sip. I watched the sun rise. I put the cap back on and left the bottle lay there. I headed back inside and took a shower.

I got dressed and headed out into the living room. Everyone was up. Rosie and Alice were gone along with their car. I had a headache and I wanted some alcohol.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett boomed. I flinched. He came over and hugged me.

"Sorry." He whispered. I nodded.

"We cleaned and we gather all the bottles we could find… we are missing one… do you know what happened to it?" He asked even though he did know the answer.

"I took it outside it's lying in the grass by the pond." I whispered my voice was raspy. Edward walked outside and returned with the bottle.

"Are we missing any we didn't find?" he asked as I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes.

"Under the bed. Under the nightstand. Inside the toilet tank… and I think that's it." I muttered Jasper headed towards my bedroom and Edward to the bathroom. I watched them gather all the alcohol. It was sad.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked not wanting them to flush any of it.

Emmett grabbed a bottle and took off the cap and let it all pour down the drain. I sighed.

"Please… don't do that." I moaned. I couldn't believe they wanted me to try and be sober for once.

"Bella you need to change this life style and we'll help. The girls went to get some real food." Jasper whispered. they all started dumping it down the drain. I sighed.

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_Things were hard with out the aid of alcohol. I had become so dependent off of it. I wasn't sure how to function without it. But the girls came back with food and they cooked. They spend the weekend with me to make sure I didn't cave. Things were good now that my friends had come back. there was still tension between me and Jasper but Edward and I had made up. Things were going good for a change. I dreaded school tomorrow without the aid of alcohol. I was in for a long day._

**Hit or miss? Sorry it took so long to put this chapter out. I hope you enjoy it. (It's late and I've got school tomorrow so I'll edit it later.) Good night everyone.**


	23. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_Bella's point of view_

I was woken up early to the sun shining in on my face. I slowly woke up. I needed some alcohol. It was the first time in months I hadn't woken up hung-over. I sighed. I rolled out of bed I dug around but couldn't find any alcohol not a drop… not even cooking brandy. Nothing. I headed outside. I sat at the edge of the pond. I watched the sunrise. I slowly headed back towards the shack. I saw someone leaning against the door frame to the crap shack. I headed over there.

"Hey… How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"You'll get threw this… we'll help." He whispered. He pulled me in for a hug. I nodded against his massive chest.

"Thanks Em." I whispered. We headed back inside. Everyone was getting cleaned up. They'd brought clean clothes. I headed for the shower. I threw on sweats. I headed out and everyone was eating. Jasper and Alice were still making things awkward and having to go to school and actually be sober was going to be hard enough but knowing I was nothing more than a toy to Jasper was hard even in my drunken haze… Alcohol just helped soothe the pain. I rummaged around. Nothing they'd swept the house clean. I sighed. I packed up my backpack. I saw my water bottle still in there. I sighed. I couldn't cheat but I couldn't be sober the whole day. The pain of being sober is hard to explain mostly because I had very little left in my life. The alcohol I clung to was an addiction, but it helped. I know I sound like an addict but what I can tell you that an addict can't is that this addiction of mine his helping me cope with my past and present. Knowing that the person you had deep feelings for doesn't care for you… you were just something new is hard. And that your daughter of two years, had died…

My best friend was gone. I needed help. My help was alcohol. It worked. I don't complain. I zipped up my backpack and took a deep breath. I walked over by everyone.

"Ready?" Emmett whispered. he was more understanding. He got the whole addiction thing. He understands the withdrawal pains I was having. I couldn't handle this alone with out someone who understood. I needed the numb feeling and drinking was the only way I could fully get that peaceful feeling.

I nodded. He smiled and we headed out to our cars. I drove by myself. I took this moment to race off. I beat them to school so I could park my car and unzipped my bag and unscrewed the bottle. I took a giant swig. And then another. I saw them pull in next to me. I quickly closed the bottle and popped in some gum. I left the vodka burn threw me. I felt that familiar numbness. I relished it. I got out of the car. Edward looked at me carefully. I glanced away. I slowly headed off to my first class.

The morning was going by pretty quickly. Although while I was sitting in Comp, my buzz was wearing off. I knew that come lunch they'd expect me to cranky and annoyed. I couldn't cave like this. But one sip couldn't hurt? The bell rang and I raced towards my locker. If no one was coming then I'd take a small swig. Otherwise I'd leave it in there. I glanced around but didn't see anyone. I took out my water bottle. I took a small sip. I was putting back in my back pack when someone grabbed it from my hand. I jumped. I turned to look at them.

"Cheating Bella?" I sighed.

"I found it in the car… I was trying…" I whispered.

"I'll keep this… Bell's you've got to stop. Please… I won't tell anyone… just…" I sighed.

"Okay Emmett." I whispered. I slammed my locker door shut.

"How's Rose?" I muttered.

"Great. She and I finally started dating." He smiled. I nodded. I wanted to show proper enthusiasm, but I couldn't muster up the emotion.

"I really am happy for you Em… I'm glad you've finally gotten together. You guys are right together." I said. The words stung in my mouth.

"So… have you talked to Jasper lately?" He asked as we got outside. I slipped my hood on to keep the sun out of my face.

"No." I said curtly. He merely nodded. I sighed. I hated being mean to my friends. He nodded seemingly knowing more than I had told him. We started walking with Edward and Jasper. Jasper was next to me. I fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Bella are you alright?" Edward asked from the corner of his eye. I was having serious withdrawal pains. I shook my head.

"Headache." I said threw clenched teeth. I grabbed onto Jasper's arm to steady myself. I felt him tense but I didn't let go for otherwise I'd fall over. I grabbed onto Emmett's arm and dropped Jasper's.

"Bells you okay?" Emmett asked. At least he understood the physical pain I was going threw. But I don't know he could quiet relate to the emotional pain that drove me to drink.

I stammered. They stopped walking. I stood there and waited for a second.

"I'm fine." I said but it was only a weak whispered. I needed my alcohol if I was to get threw the day. Edward somehow managed to weasel his way in between me and Jasper and put his hand on the small of my back. I was grateful he was here to help me. Jasper however wouldn't even look my way. I couldn't handle having to be around him knowing he wants me dead. My eyes started to flutter. I started to get dizzy. I closed my eyes and I started to fall into the darkness.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" Someone shouted but they sounded too far away for me to hear them.

HEAVEN

I was wondering threw a field of flowers. They were beautiful wild purple flowers. It was slightly foggy but the sun was out somewhere. I wondered where this place was… I was at peace. I sat down in the flowers and simply relaxed. It was wonderful. I felt as if I'd never have any troubles. It was like living in a world where everything was safe. Nothing could harm you… not here. You just slightly out of harms reach. I was finally able to sleep without seeing my dead daughter or having nightmares about Jasper, or my parents. I was able to close my eyes and not be scared. I didn't want to leave. This was my heaven. I liked it here. There was something about this place that had essences of familiar-ness. Like I'd been here before. I stood up and started to slowly move around the never ending field of flowers. This had to be dream land. Everything was perfect. I laid down in the flowers. The earth started shaking. My dream land was taken from me within seconds.

HELL

I was being shaking by Edward or Emmett.

"Bella!" Emmett shouted. I slowly moaned. My head was pounding.

"Take me home." I whispered. the pain of realitly was taking it's toll on my body. School was too much to handle.

"What's wrong with Bella?" Rose cried.

"She needs rest." Edward whispered.

"I'll take her and you guys meet me there after school." Edward said. he scooped me up off my feet. I hated having them worry about me. it wasn't necessary. He got me in my truck and started driving off. We got home and I was slightly aware I was being laid on my bed. I feel back asleep. Into a dark and twisted stream of nightmares.

**Hit or miss? Its late here and I've got to go to school in the morning so again I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes but I'll edit it later on this weekend. **

**Songs I recommend:**

**Youth of the Nation – P.O.D**

**Paralyzer – Finger 11 **


	24. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_I slowly pulled up to his house. I smiled it was good to be here. Back with him… where I belonged. I missed him. I headed up the long driveway and parked my car. I quickly hopped out. I slowly sauntered up towards the door. I slowly opened the door. I heard voices coming from the kitchen. The house looked exactly the same as I remembered it. I smiled and breathed in the familiar scent of his home. I walked in back towards the kitchen._

"_Hey!" I smiled as I got back there. I walked over the fridge and grabbed a beer and hopped up on the counter. I watched Keenan shoot up on the latest drug. I smiled and watched as I drank down my beer. I finished my beer and Keenan came over. James sat at the table and was completely high._

"_Hello darlin'." Keenan said with his Texas accent. I giggled. He smiled and leaned his head down and gave me what he called a 'Southern Greeting'. I pulled back and smiled at him. He had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes._

"_So, what's going on tonight?" I asked him with as mischievous smile slide onto my face. He smiled._

"_Nothing… what do you have in mind?" He whispered against my ear. I shivered. He took another step closer closing the gap between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me upstairs._

"_Keenan," I whispered and he skillfully unbuttoned my shirt. "I love you." I whispered he stopped and looked me in the eyes. He seemed so happy._

"_I love you too darlin'." He whispered. His kisses were full of happiness. He was wonderful._

I woke up gasping for air. I shot straight up. I hadn't dreamed about him in a long while. And… it felt so real… like the first time… and the last time. I started to panic. I needed to drown out the pain. I ran towards the kitchen. Edward was sitting at the counter reading a book.

"Hey how are you feeling?" He asked. I waved a hand at him unable to speak just yet. I searched around for something to numb the pain.

"It's all gone Bella. I double checked while you slept." He whispered sadly. I found the keys and slipped on some shoes and headed out to the car. Edward cut me off at the door.

"No, Bella you can get through this. We're here to help." He said. I shook my head.

"No… You don't understand what it's like. I need alcohol it helps me. It numbs my pain so I have a shot of making it threw the day. I know it's bad and horrible but I need that numbness to get threw each day…" I shouted.

"I can't do it any more Edward… I just can't do it." I whispered I fell into his chest and cried. He held me but didn't say anything. I mean what could he say. He didn't understand my pain. He never lost a daughter. Parents should never have to out live their children. So as the old prosper the young perish. I will see the end of my days while my daughter now lays underground. It wasn't fair.

"Bella…" Edward whispered. "Let's get you back to bed, you need sleep." He whispered. Everyone came busting threw the door.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked softly as their conversation ended.

"Nothing, we're fine." Edward said as he walked me back to my bed. I laid back down. And tossed and turned.

_We'd fallen asleep after talking all night long. Keenan was perfect. I loved him very much. We finally woke up to someone shouting and coming into his bedroom._

"_Whoa, man I'm sorry… do you want me to come back later?" James asked._

"_No, it's fine… what's going on?" Keenan asked as he absently stoked my forearm. _

"_I've got some stuff you need to try." James said._

"_We'll be down in a minute." He said. He glanced at me._

"_Hi." He whispered. I smiled at him. "Hi." I smiled. He lowered his face to mine and gently kissed me. _

"_You want to hang out here… this thing with James shouldn't take long and then I'll tell him to beat it. I've got alcohol in the fridge if you're thirsty." He smiled. _

"_It's a deal." _

_I leaned my head up and kissed Keenan. He smiled and fell back down to the bed. I slid off the bed taking a sheet with me as I gather my clothes from the night before. I got dressed and headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Keenan came in there._

"_Have you seen my shirt?" he asked holding up mine. I looked down and I grabbed his. He smiled._

"_Its fine, I've got others." He said and walked back into his room as he dug around for another shirt. I came out of the bathroom and leaned against the door frame and watched him get ready. He smiled and stared at him. He crossed the room and gave me a hug._

"_I love you Bella." He whispered._

"_I love you too." I said and we headed down stairs. I grabbed a beer._

"_Bells, you want to try it? We've got small stuff…" He said. I shook my head and held up my beer. I finished that rather quickly and grabbed the liquor bottle next to me. I watched them get high. _

_Everything was fine until Keenan started shaking. At first I didn't think anything of it. Until he started foaming and throwing up._

"_Oh no!" I cried and jumped off the counter. I ran over to him. I pulled out my cell and called 911. I kept whispering comforting words to him. I looked up at James. He was scared but he was high. The ET came and we headed out to the car. I ended up getting car sick. Keenan was getting better. I had to wait in the waiting room. He was rushed to surgery. I waited._

_A doctor came out._

"_Are you here with Keenan Swan?" He asked. I nodded._

"_We're sorry… we did everything we could but he couldn't be saved. I'm terribly sorry." He said. I started to cry. My only family just died._

"_What did you do to him? Or rather what didn't you do? You killed him!" I shouted. My whole body shook._

"_What did you do to him?" I cried. I buried my head into my hands. The doctor just didn't say anything._

"_I'm terribly sorry." He said. I heard footsteps retract. I cried for Keenan._

I awoke again. And was gasping for air. This time Rose and Emmett and Edward were standing around the bed staring at me.

"What's going on?" I asked my voice raspy.

"Um… you were screaming, in your sleep…" Em looked away. Rose was on my left side and Edward on my right they were both sitting on the bed. Emmett was standing at the foot of the bed.

"You were shouting for someone named Keenan…" Emmett whispered. I looked down. I was staring to feel better. I grabbed the glass of water that was at my bedside.

"Um… yes… that was Izzy's father… I had a dream about the night he died." I said softly. I handed the empty glass to Rose. I'd never really talked about Izzy's father before. It was a touchy subject because I should've stopped the drug using but they did it all the time… I didn't think anything of it.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked.

"Good… I'd like to move around a little." I muttered. I stood up and everyone was watching me.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

"She had to go home…" Jasper said. He was still here.

"Does anyone have a cigarette?" I asked. If I couldn't drink then maybe I was allowed to smoke.

"Just one." Rose said.

"Jazz…" Emmett said. He dug around in his pocket. I sat next to him on the couch. He handed me one with his lighter.

"Thanks." I muttered with the cigarette in between my lips. He nodded and I took a long drag. I couldn't stand this tension he'd put between us. It was like a wall that kept pushing me farther and farther away. I walked outside. I slowly headed down towards the river it was my spot. I leaned against a tree and took another drag of my cigarette. I heard raised voices from the house. I tuned them out. I finished my cigarette and there was still yelling from the house. I stood there by my tree and watched the sun go down. It started to get colder so I slowly made my way up towards the house. There was still yelling.

"…I don't understand how you guys are blaming me for Bella's problems. It isn't my fault she's an alcoholic. So stopped blaming me. I don't even want to be here. I'd rather be with Alice!" Jasper shouted and came bursting out of the house and ran into me. I fell over and he fell on top of me. He stood up and stared at me for a second. He held out his hand for me. I rolled over and laid in the grass for a second. I thought about knocking his teeth in. instead I got up without his aid. I looked at him with pure unadulterated hate. I just made my way past him without saying a word. If that's how he felt I wasn't going to stop him. I got to the door and slammed it shut. I started for the kitchen looking for something to eat. I didn't want anything I had. I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes, completely aware everyone was most likely wondering what I was doing. I was going to do this. And I would be sober.

"I'm tired… you guys don't have to-" I started but Rose cut me off.

"We're here for you Bella… All of us." She whispered. I looked at her. I could see I was tearing their group apart. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do it. I nodded and headed back to bed.

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The rest of the week was long. Jasper and Alice didn't sit by us at lunch anymore. Everyone was quiet. They weren't the same people I'd become friends with when I moved out here. I was a runner. I ran away when things got tough. I didn't face things like I should've. But this would be the last time. I wouldn't hurt people. They were all so close before I came. I always mess up everything I touch. They'd finally left me alone at night. I was able to get threw the day without thinking about alcohol or needing it. I was stronger and stable now. I couldn't handle myself. I couldn't handle the world. I wasn't going to let them mess up their friendship any longer. Soon enough they'd see they are all being foolish.

**Hit or Miss? Please review.**


	25. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_Jasper's point of view_

I couldn't believe Bella had come back. I was sure she wouldn't come back. and then Izzy dying and she not saying anything… and not to me. I was hurt. And Alice and I had finally decided to give us a shot. I just… I didn't know what to do. And everyone was blaming me for Bella's problems. I didn't drive her to drink. I didn't say, here have a bottle of vodka. I wasn't the one who was with her when it happened. And maybe that's it. Maybe even though I was with Alice, she still needed her friend. And I just cut off from her cold turkey. I just laid there.

"Jasper?" Alice whispered. I felt bad for her. At some times you just get to a point where you look at a girl's face but it isn't her's your seeing. I kept on seeing Bella. I shifted around on my bed as we laid there.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I know you wanted to give this a try… but…" Her voice trailed off.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked as I sat up.

"No, I'm telling you that I feel like I'm hanging on to our relationship for you. Not for me. and… it's like you're driving a car and I'm hanging on to the bummer. And you're driving over pot holes and you won't slow down…. now I'm not telling you to pull over and let me in. just open the door, I'll jump in. but you won't let me… I can't keep holding onto us for you. I miss Rosie and Emmett… we never see them anymore because I don't know… you can't handle being by Bella… but I miss my friends so… I want to hang out with them and if they are hanging with Bella… then I will too. So get your shit together." She said and then she got up and left. She left me there.

I needed to talk to Bella.

I got dress as I heard the door open. I heard everyone's voice.

"…No, she didn't answer…. I know we told her we'd give her some space but do you think that was a mistake?" Rosie asked.

"What if something happened to her? She's stable but she's not strong." Edward said.

"I don't know." Emmett whispered. I walked down stairs.

"What's going on?" I asked them. They stared at me because it was oblivious what they were talking about.

"Um… nobody's heard from Bella all morning… we're worried." Emmett said. Edward glared at me.

"I know I've been an ass lately… but I'm… I… I want to hang out again." I whispered.

"Of course… we missed you." Emmett said.

"Did you ever think that maybe she's sleeping? Or just wants some quiet because you guys hover way too much around her. Give her some space." I muttered and headed over to the TV and sat down and started flipping stations. Everyone followed and we hung out. We waited for Bella's call.

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_Bella's point of view_

I woke up early this morning. I glanced around and they truly did leave. I was grateful they were giving me some space now. I wasn't going to cave that easily but I did have a plan. I was tearing their friendship apart. Jasper and Alice… and everyone… they were different. They didn't need me around anymore. And Jazz just assume I'm gone. I packed stuff up into a duffle bag and my backpack. I needed a game plan. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't go home. I wanted to be with my family… my daughter and her father. But that was a cowardly way out of this hell I've created for myself.

I was strong enough to get threw the rest of my life without having to take that way out. I decided I'd go wherever I could. The sun was staring to rise and I'd gotten tired again. I didn't sleep well last night. I laid down on the couch and was just going to rest for a minute.

"_Bella, I've got a surprise for you!" He smiled. "But I don't want you peaking." He whispered against my ear as he tied a blind fold over my eyes. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to walk with out my eyes. Just as I was about to protest he scooped me up and carried me. He set me down inside. He took off the blind fold._

"_Open your eyes." He whispered. We were in a room I'd never seen before. He had one room that the door was always closed too. I looked around. There were floor to ceiling bookshelves with records on every inch of shelf. I saw a record player on a table. I looked around. I turned into Keenan._

"_Thank you." I whispered against his chest._

"_There's a but… to this gift." He said. I looked up at him. "No more drinking." He said. I looked down._

"_Okay but… no more drugs. We'll do this together because this room can both be ours… I'll share." I smiled._

"_Deal." He said as he leaned down and kissed me quickly. I started looking at the records. We sat around all day listening to records and talking. _

I woke up gasping for air. I laid there unable to think. I now knew where I had to go. I grabbed my two bags and headed out towards my truck. I got into the truck and pulled out of the driveway and headed for the highway. I knew this wouldn't go well.

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_Edward's point of view_

We sat around all day waiting for Bella. I was glad Jasper was wiling to become our friend again. He and I sat around messing around on our guitars.

"It's been all day… let's go over there." Emmett said. I glanced at the clock.

"I didn't realize that the day was almost over." I muttered. We headed out towards the car and hopped on the highway. We saw a red truck pulled over the on side of the road.

"Pull over!" I shouted. Emmett pulled over. I got out and ran across the road. Bella was in truck. With… a bag? I knocked on the window. She looked at me and I could see the tears building up in her eyes.

"Bella what are you doing?" I asked. My hand on the door handle. She pushed the lock button.

"Edward… please… just… go away." She said.

"No, Bella open the door!" I shouted. Everyone ran over to her car.

"Bells, what's going on?" Emmett asked.

"I'm leaving." She said. She'd blinked away the tears and she had true animosity on her face.

"Just let me go!" she shouted. She wasn't talking to me or to Emmett. She had her eyes locked with Jasper. I glanced at Emmett and we slowly headed back across the street and waited in the car.

"Do you think she'll really leave?" Rose asked. Rose had become close with Bella. They were in the back seat. I glanced in the review mirror and saw Emmett pull Rose into a hug. I hoped Jasper would talk Bella into staying because I was just getting to know her.

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_Jasper's point of view_

I stared at Bella. I was aware that everyone left.

"Bella, why are you leaving?" I asked my voice was hard to my own ears.

"Because, I don't want to be here." She said. It was hard to tell if she was lying or not.

"Then, why are you pulled over on the side of the highway?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"What?" She said loudly. I had made a motion for her to roll down the window. She did, but only half way.

"I said, then why are you pulled over on the side of the highway?" I asked her again.

"I needed to check the map." She muttered. I glanced next to her and saw a map out.

"You don't even know where you're running to?" I asked while trying to suppress a laugh.

"What?" She growled.

"I think it's funny you're going to run… and you don't know where to." I said. The look of animosity returned to her face.

"Why are you so mad at me? What did I do to you?" I asked her as I took a step closer to the window.

"You made my life a living hell." She said letting all her of her hate for me show in that sentence. I took a step back.

"Then what are you still doing here?" I asked her. I couldn't believe she really hated me that much.

"I don't know… I fell bad leaving Rosie behind…" She said as she glanced at the car.

"Well… do you want to tell me where you're going so she'll know?" I asked her.

"I believe… if I'm not mistaken… that I don't know where I'm _running_ too." She sneered the word running.

"What do you want me to say Bella? I was thrilled you came back but I was with Alice… I'd finally started to get back to normal… I was bad… I looked at her but I didn't see her. I talked to her but I wasn't there. I wasn't myself. So I finally got my shit together… and you come back… then you're out of school for weeks! And I thought you left again! And then the day of the shooting. I saw you by the door and then when I looked again you were missing so I ran back into the school looking for you… I find out that Izzy's dead which you didn't even tell me! You kiss me tell me not to say anything… very flattering by the way… and then nothing. You're out of school for months… and then you come back and you're different… you're hung-over, constantly! How was I going to help? What was I going to say! I didn't know what to do… and then things with Alice were getting all messed up because you were back…" I shrugged.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked her.

"I want you to tell me that, you're over me, and you've got no feeling left for me… I'm meaningless… just a person." She said. I stood there. How did she know…? I remember walking threw the hall with Alice and I swore that I saw someone but… I didn't think anything of it. If that's what it took and then she'd be gone… and then we could all try and get back to normal… then I'd say it.

"I'm over you. I've got no feelings left for me, you're meaningless… you're just a person." I told her. I saw her jaw clench and her fists tighten around the steering wheel.

"Then. Get. Away. From. Me." She growled. I looked her in the eyes. She was hurt. Had my words really impacted her this much? Did she still have feelings for me? Is what I said true?

"Tell me the same thing. Tell me that you don't have feelings for me… that I'm meaningless. Tell me that and mean it and I'll leave." I told her. The furry I had felt early was gone.

She stared at me her lip started quivering.

"I… don't…" She didn't finish. She couldn't finish. She started crying.

"Bella…" I said softly.

"My daughter's dead! I'm an alcoholic! My family's gone! I've got nobody! I came back here under the impression that we'd still at least be friends… I mean damnit you gave bone marrow to my daughter! I figured you'd still talk to me when I got back… I mean all those phone calls…? It was all meaningless to you? I mean I don't know how you are so heartless but I can't say it because the truth is, I'm not over and you aren't meaningless but I'm leaving you and all my friends behind in hopes that all of you can become friends again but I've seem to be making things worst. So I'm going to leave and let you all be!" She shouted at me.

"Please, Jazz… let me go." She whispered. I heard car doors open and close.

"Bella!" Rosie shouted as she ran across the road. I slowly moved backward.

"Let me in… we'll talk!" Rose begged. Bella rolled up the window and opened the door. I headed back to the car with the guys. I smoked and waited for Rose to come back. I knew that Edward and Emmett wanted to know what we'd talked about but I wasn't sure how I felt about her… or this.

I was about to speak when Bella's truck took off. We stared at them. They'd zipped off and down the road. We stood there like mindless idiots.

**Hit or miss? It's late and a school night so I'll edit this later… Any guesses is to where Bella and Rose took off to? Please review.**


	26. Chapter 24

"_The king and his men  
stole the queen from her bed  
and bound her in her Bones.  
The seas be ours  
and by the powers  
where we will we'll roam."  
– Lyrics to Hoist the Colors_

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

_Jasper's point of view _

I wasn't sure what to do when I saw Bella's truck fly off down the road. I stared at the spot where they disappeared. We were all speechless.

"We've got to follow them!" Emmett shouted. We ran back to the car and took off after them. Edward drove down the highway like a manic.

"Why did they just take off like that…? And why would Rose support it?" Emmett asked from the back seat. We were all quiet. I couldn't believe Bella… would just take off like that. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her… but I _did_ want her back. This was maddening. I _thought_ I was over her.

"Relax Jasper… we'll find her." Edward muttered under his breath as Emmett rambled on about something.

"I know… but… I'm worried." I muttered.

"About what?"

"Bella. She doesn't seem in the right frame of mind. And I'm even more worried for the fact that my baby sister is in the car with her." Edward gave me a glance that said what we were both thinking I only nodded in response. Bella was suicidal. As much as we all wanted to over look the fact and believe that she was healthy. Losing one's love and their child isn't easy.

"Maybe we're over reacting… Maybe Rose talked Bella into going home? I mean maybe she just didn't want us to follow?" I said. Edward nodded.

"Rose wouldn't do anything terribly stupid… let's go back home and wait for her." Edward said. I nodded. We headed back to my house.

"What? Why are we back here?" Emmett asked as we got out of the car.

"We're waiting. Relax… Rosie wouldn't do anything stupid." I told him. He looked annoyed and paced around the sitting room. Edward and I messed around on our guitars while we watched TV. Alice came over and we hung out.

"What's going on with Emmett?" she asked.

"He's freaking out about Rose… she took off somewhere with Bella." I told her. She only nodded but didn't say anything else. My phone was buzzing. I answered it.

"Hello?'

"Jasper… are you alone?"

"No… give me a minute." I told the phone. I headed outside.

"Okay."

"Alright… so Bella needed someone to help her do something. She needed closure or something and I'm helping her. We should be back soon. Few days tops." Rose said.

"Rose, where are you?" I asked.

"I should go… I just wanted to check in."

"Rosalie Hale, where the hell are you?" I said.

"Jasper… Bella's bad… what did you two talk about. She won't mention and she gets upset every time I try to ask her about it… Please what happened?" Rose asked. I couldn't.

"We got into a fight."

"I'm aware."

"It was bad."

"That's oblivious."

I felt like a five year old that was beating around the bush because I did something bad. I just couldn't face up to the fact that I might be responsible for causing Bella all this pain. She came back thinking we were friends and I kicked her to the curb. I was a horrible person.

"Rose, I can't…" I whispered. "Put Bella on." I heard the phone being transferred.

"Bella?" I whispered after a few heart beats of silence.

"Yes?" Her tone matched mine. I was scared I was going to lose her.

"Bella… please come back." I whispered. "We'll be waiting for you. You have family here. Don't forget that." I whispered.

"I need my closure on something. I'll be back soon." She whispered.

"See you soon." I whispered. Bella disconnected.

Bella's words from earlier were still stuck in my head. I was _cruel_ and _heartless_. I stood in the middle of the back yard. I was worried about my baby sister's health. I fell to my knees in the middle of the yard and shouted. But I didn't shout for my sister… I didn't shout for Bella. I shouted because Bella's words were true. Cruel. Heartless. It was me. It was the wicked reality I've created for myself.

**I know it's short but I think the next chapter will be longer… Please review… let me know what you're thinking. Hit or Miss?**

**Songs I recommend:**

**One – Three Dog Night**

**Midnight Hour – Wilson Pickett **

**Book I recommend:**

**Marked – P.C Cast and Kristen Cast**


	27. Chapter 25

"_For what we want most there is a cost that must be paid in the end."_

_"They will see free men and freedom. And what they will _see _is the flash of our cannons. They will _hear_ the ring of our swords, and they _will_ know what we _can_ do."_

**I couldn't pick between one of the two quotes so I put both on They seem fitting for what's coming up in the next couple chapters.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_Bella's point of view_

"Bella what's going on?" Rose asked once she got into the car.

"I need to go somewhere." I said as the tears blurred my vision.

"Where hun?" She asked. I couldn't tell her… Could I?

"I need closure on something. But I can't go alone…" I started putting together my thoughts.

"Where are _we_ going?" Rosie asked.

"I couldn't ask you to come… That wouldn't be fair to Emmett, Edward…" - I took a deep breath – "or Jasper…" I said.

"Bella… I'll be fine… you're a friend and you need my help right now. They will just have to deal. I'm here for you." She smiled.

"I need to go back to Arizona." I finally said. Her face got serious. I looked over her shoulder at Jasper. He was staring right at me smoking. He looked so damn beautiful. It hurt. It physical hurt me to look at him.

"For what?" Rosie asked more seriously. I started crying harder.

"Do you want me to get Jazz?" she asked. I glanced up at her.

"No!" I said too quickly. She nodded. "I need to go back to Arizona for closure on Keenan… he left me something in his will… because his parents past and left him everything… then once he found out I was pregnant he gave me something… and I haven't been able to go near it since he died…" I whispered. I missed him.

"Bella?" Rose asked.

"There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't kick myself for not stopping him that night. I knew perfectly well it was dangerous… but he was always careful. He… he was Keenan and could get away with anything… he'd had a hard life… and I didn't want to tell him to stop… but when he found out about Izzy… he made me stop drinking and then he tried to quit drugs… but…" I couldn't finish. Rose pulled me in for a hug.

"Let's get out of here." She whispered. I wiped my eyes and calmed down enough to drive. I started the car and sped off down the road.

***************************************************************************************************

_The drive was quiet neither of us were in a talkative mood. I knew Rose missed Emmett and Jasper although she wouldn't have said anything. It was nearly dark when we pulled into the hotel. I fell asleep right away._ _I woke up to Rose talking to someone on the phone._

"Bella!" Rose whispered. I sat up. "Jasper wants to speak with you." She said I stood up and grabbed the phone. I didn't speak I waited for him to say something.

"Bella?" He whispered after a few heart beats of silence.

"Yes?" My tone matched his. I was scared I was going to lose him.

"Bella… please come back." He whispered. "We'll be waiting for you. You have family here. Don't forget that." He reminded me.

"I need my closure on something. I'll be back soon." I whispered.

"See you soon." He whispered. I disconnected. I tossed the phone towards Rose and I fell back asleep.

We woke up early and got to Arizona later that night.

"Do you know where it is?" She asked as I drove down a side street.

"Short cut." I smiled. Keenan and I had taken the 'short cut' to ditch off James. He soon caught onto the trick. I stopped outside.

"That's what he left you?" Rose asked carefully.

"Yes." I said as I sat there with my eyes closed reliving all the time I had spent with him. "He was a sweetheart."

"He sure knew what he was doing that's for sure… do you want me to come with you…?" She asked.

"Thanks for the offer but this is something I need to do by myself. I'll be back shortly… if you want you can drive around… I've got my cell… I'll just call you when I'm ready…" I offered.

"Of course…" Rose said. I nodded and hopped out of the truck.

I could do this. I had to do this. It was time. It's been five years. I needed to get better and this was the first step.

**Hit or miss? Sorry for such a short chapter. I hope you enjoyed… I should update this weekend! Please send me your feed back.**


	28. Chapter 26

_"I remember when getting high meant swinging at the play grounds. The worst thing you could get from a guy was cooties. Race issues were who could run the fastest. The only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike. Life was so simple and carefree, but the thing I remember the most was wanting to grow up."_

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

_Rose's point of view_

I drove off in Bella's truck. She wanted to be alone. I knew that she just needed someone to go the drive with her. I missed Emmet and Jasper… and Edward… He'd been like a second brother to me since Jazz was lapsed from the group. I headed out to a diner Bella had pointed out. It was called Al's. I guess it was the "it" place when Keenan was alive.

I slowly headed in there not sure what to expect. I smiled when I walked threw the doors and down the steps. It was like a fifties diner. There was a juke box and everything. I found a booth and sat down. someone came over to me.

"What can I get you?" I glanced up.

"I'll have a burger and fires." I mumbled.

"Alright, coming right up." The girl walked away. She was pretty with bright red hair. I sat there thinking about calling Emmett. I hated being away from him. Since we'd finally started dating things were good. I'd have to admit that thanks to Bella Emmett was a completely different person. And I don't think I'd be able to bear it if Emmett overdosed on drugs.

"Is this seat taken?" Asked a voice. I glanced up. There was a boy with shaggy black hair and piercing blue eyes staring at me. His eyes were hidden behind simple black frames. He was tall with two piercings. A lip and eyebrow ring. They worked for him.

"S-sure…" I stammered. He chuckled.

"Thanks… I'm Seth Swan." He smiled.

"I'm Rosie Hale." I said. I felt safer with this stranger sitting here with me than I was alone.

"So you know Bella?" I asked. He looked slightly confused. "Bella Swan?" I asked. He was quiet. He looked… I wasn't sure… pain maybe.

"Ah, you know her." I didn't ask him.

He was unnaturally still.

"Seth?" I asked.

"Um… yeah… I hung around her and…" He looked in pain.

"Look, Seth I'm sorry… I…" I stammered not sure what to say. He shook his head.

"It's fine… I was just going to say that he was my brother and then I remember the night Bella left I drove her to the airport and that's when she told me she was switching last names. When she moved out to Forks she took our last name." He said. I just stared at him.

"How's she holding up? I went to Izzy's funeral but I didn't… I couldn't talk to her… it hurt too much…" He whispered. My food was brought back. I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. I picked at my food.

"She's… Bella." I said.

"Has she touched a drink? I know Keenan worried about her and her drinking." He said.

"She wasn't good when she moved back by us. She'd lost touch and she was different when she came back. And then there was the shooting at school… Bella was fine just got some… well she got shot in the leg but she's completely fine. After that she was around school and then she was gone. For months. She finally returned to school and she looked like shit. She smelled of stale beer. She was hung over. She kept constantly drunk so she couldn't feel the pain of the loss of her daughter or of Keenan. She also lost my brother who had really helped her… She's sober and stable." I said.

"But not better. She'll never be better. She's been broken since Keenan died. I remember he beamed when he found out he was going to be a dad. He wanted nothing more…" Seth had started to cry but his voice hadn't shown it.

"He knew Bella since they were in the second grade. He always told her that he loved her and they would get married. And then when Bella was pregnant Keenan was planning to propose. He never did get to ask…" His voice trailed off.

"Would you like to see Bella? She'll be calling me when she's done… getting her closure." I said.

"Closure? For what?" He asked.

"Bella thinks that getting closure will help her start to heal." I said.

"Where is she?" He asked.

***************************************************************************************************

_Bella's point of view_

I watched Rose drive off in my truck. I took a deep breath. I stood there. I decided that I needed to go elsewhere before I would reopen those painful wounds. I walked down the street and around the corner. I knelt down.

"Hi." I said my voice was thick with the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"I know I haven't visited in… well years and I'm sorry." I started to cry. "But I figured… you're daughter should get to know you so I buried her here next to you. She looked so much like you Keenan." I sobbed. My heart wrenching sobs filled the cemetery.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you…" I paused. "I love you." The words I'd never be able to say while he was alive.

"I know that one day we'll be the family you always wanted. I know that… that I wish every day that it had been me to die… and I mean you promised you'd let me go first!" I cried. He had promised.

"_Keenan?" I whispered. I was lying on my bed and could've sworn someone was in my room. I sat up and turned on my light. Keenan was sitting on the window ledge. _

"_Hi, baby." He smiled. He had a bandage on his arm. I jumped up and ran over to him. _

"_I'm so glad you're okay… they wouldn't let us stay anymore…" I whispered._

"_It was just a small cut… and I'm not as bad as the car." He joked._

"_Keenan… we were seriously worried about you." I said._

"_How is baby?" he asked. He moved his hand the lump on my stomach. _

"_She's good. She was slightly restless… man she was kicking whenever I said your name." I said he smiled._

"_Keenan." He said. _

"_Ow…" I said. He smiled as he felt it._

"_Bella!" He said. Baby kicked then too. He smiled._

"_She's a great kid Bells." I fell into his chest and cried. He slowly walked me back over to my bed._

"_You know the doctor said not get worked up." Keenan whispered as he sat next to me. He wiped away my tears. I finally found words._

"_Keenan… promise us something." I said. He smiled whenever I said _us_ or _we_. _

"_Of course." He smiled. "Anything."_

"_Let _me_ go first." His smile disappeared. He was about to fight me. "Keenan… no… Keenan Swan just promise me you will let me die first." I practically shouted._

"_Okay Isabella Morgan." He said. _

"You promised." I whispered weakly. I clutched my sides. The gnawing hole in my chest was widening.

"I love you Keenan Swan." I whispered and walked back the way I came. I took a deep breath and stood waiting out side.

"Now or never." I said to myself. I slowly walked up the porch and grabbed the key out of the turtle on the porch. I opened the door and walked in.

It felt exactly the same. Nothing had been moved. Seth… Keenan's older brother had told his parents that I'd clean out the house. His parents hated me. Keenan had clearly put in his will he wanted me to have the house. Seth left it for me… incase I ever came back. Everything was the same. I walked into the kitchen… it was the same. Everything was the same only it looked like someone had been here cleaning. Seth no doubt waiting for me to come back like I promised I would once Izzy was grown. I walked down the hall to the last door on the left. I slowly opened it. The room was filled with records… just as I remember it too. I saw something on the table. It was a note.

Bella,

Incase you ever came back home.

Seth.

I took a deep breath. I slowly opened the envelope and read the letter. I saw Keenan's neat script.

_Isabella Morgan,_

_If you are reading this I am dead. Hopefully you'll never have to set eyes on this. Words stink. They are suppose to be the thread and needle of the English language, sewing words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, and so on, until you are felt with a book, with everything as clear and black and white. Pages roll by effortlessly, and as your eyes slowly take in the words, a picture is painted in your head, and eventually becomes something like a movie, with thousands of frames moving by very quickly, but if you pause it, it becomes just one frame. Just one picture in a sea of million, one sentence in a book. That sentence threaded together. _

_Now back to my point… I'm no good with words. English wasn't my subject… books… words… not my scene… But I'm trying to sew this letter together for you and our daughter (hopefully!). I want to make sure that if something happens to me… even though I know I promised you that you could die first… which so won't happen. At any rate, I wanted to make sure that you would always be okay even if by some freak accident I wasn't there to look after my girls. I'm leaving the house and all of my bank accounts in your name. Seth said he'd help take care of it so Linda and Frank didn't take back what is ours. _

_I want you to be happy and safe. And if you are reading this than I am sorry I have left you two… but I know that we'll be together again. And I also know that you love me even if you cannot say it just yet. I want to you live your life… I want you to find someone who will look after you and take care of you as I would. I know that it doesn't mean you don't love me any less… it just means you'll have some company until we're together again. _

_Hey how's that for sewing words together?_

_I love you Isabella and I hope you're happy and I know you want to kick my butt for making you suffer. I truly love you and I want you to be happy._

_Love,_

_Keenan Swan_

I have wave after wave of emotion crash threw me. I was happy, sad, hurt, angry… but mostly I was scared. I was alone my best friend had thought to do all of this for me… and I didn't. I cried for Keenan…

"Rose…" I cried.

"Come and get me." I cried and hung up. I sat there in this room completely froze as the grief yet again washed threw me. I needed to go back to Forks. I heard footsteps.

"Bella?" I heard Rose call.

"This way." I knew that voice.

"Seth?" I croaked. He came running into the room and pulled me into a hug.

"Hi." I whispered. He glanced at my hand.

"I'm glad you finally came." He said.

"I can see you don't want to talk numbers right now… call me when you're ready and I'll transfer the money too you… give you the pin numbers and such…" he smiled.

"It's good to have you home little sister." He whispered as he yet again pulled me into a hug.

"Do you want to take anything…everything's yours…" He said.

"No… I'll come back for it all one day… but for now I'll leave it here." I whispered.

"I'm glad I came… How did you meet?" I asked wondering why they were together.

"We met at Al's." Seth smiled. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I don't get it." Rose said.

"It's the place where Keenan and I actually met…" I muttered. I gave Seth one final hug goodbye and we hit the road home. I was staring out the window as the truck sped by the sign that said, 'Welcome to Phoenix.'

"Em, we're coming home!" Rose said. I tuned her out and settle in for the long painful ride.

**Hit or miss? I'd like to thank Brittany Buckland for giving me some inspiration for Keenan's letter.**

"_At this moment there are __6,782,102,341people in the world. Some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, some are just now facing truth, some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion people, 6 billion souls, and sometimes all you need is one."_

**Please review.**


	29. Chapter 27

"_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone__"  
Lyrics to Immortal by Evanescence_

"_Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life"  
-Lyrics to Bring me to life by Evanescence_

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

_Bella's point of view_

We sped down the interstate covered by night. It was silent. I couldn't talk without crying. I stared out the window. I held Keenan's note in my shaking hand. I missed him so much. He cared for me and wanted me – _us_ – to live safely and in good hands. It was my fault that he died. I should've stopped him. It was just one time. It was just too much and now he and my baby are gone. Our baby gone.

"Bella?" Rose finally broke the silence after an hour or so. "Are you okay?" She whispered. No I wasn't.

"I'm fine. Just tired." I said my voice was unattached. I had no emotion left in me. Expect pain. I started to feel the numbness crept back into my world. I felt the tears threaten to tremble over the edge. I glanced back towards the window.

I was alone in the world and now I finally acknowledged it. I had no one. I just wanted to make it all go away. No matter how easy it was to get out. I can't stand this pain… at least not soberly. Old habits die hard.

***************************************************************************************************

We drove straight threw the night and day. We ended up getting home Tuesday evening. Although we didn't pull up to my house we pulled up to her house.

"Rose…" I cleared my throat. "I said, I wanted to go home." I said my voice found an emotion. Hatred.

"You are home Bella." She said trying to keep the hurt off of her face. She and I headed inside. I got in and everyone was in the living room… even Alice. I glowered at everyone. They seemed like it was natural. Rose must have given them the heads up.

"Bella!" Emmett smiled. He ran over and hugged me. I stiffened.

"What's the matter Bells? You forgot how to hug?" Emmett joked.

"Possibly." I said letting my seething hate convey that I was feeling more than they understood. He took a step back from my word. He too tried to keep the hurt off my face.

"Come sit down." Edward said coolly. I sat down next to him. I didn't speak. Everyone was quiet letting this awkward silence continue.

"Are you tired?" Edward asked. I took a deep breath. I still realized enough that they were my friends and I had to find the bit of compassion I had left.

"Jeez!" Alice threw her hands up in the air. "Give the girl some damn space! You hover around her like she's suicidal. She's not. She's a girl who's been through a lot and needs to be alone! She doesn't want to be here. And she oblivious didn't know about it…. Just take her home." Alice said. I almost felt happy she was standing up for me.

"No, she can hang out in my room." Jasper's tone was final. My head snapped in his direction. I was about to say something when I was interrupted.

"Come on. I'll take you." Jasper said coolly. I glared at him.

"Jasper Hale! Let her go home. You can't hold her hostage here." Alice said. She was getting angry.

"No." He said. He stared at me and I stood up. I slowly followed him upstairs. We got to his room and he closed the door.

"I don't know what you're going through and I won't try to understand. Because I know it's something I can't fathom. But I want you to know that if you need something… check under the bed." He said. I waited to see if he was joking. He wasn't so I looked.

It was stocked with hidden liquor.

"Thanks." My voice was still cold.

"Don't let anyone catch you. I'll try to get them to leave you alone… but I can't make any promises. And if you're thinking of scaling the house I've bolted shut all the windows on the second story." He said. He turned to leave when he paused.

"Be careful." He said slowly. He shut the door and I grabbed the first thing my hand touched. I didn't care what it was. I took a swig and let it burn down my throat. I sighed and took another sip. And soon enough the bottle was gone. It felt good the have alcohol in my system, but I couldn't seem to drink enough to drowned out the pain. I just wanted it to all go away. The pain. The hurt. The guilt. The shame. The heartlessness. I wanted to be numb. I didn't want any of it. I just wanted to be alone.

I laid there on his bed as I remember the note I had in my pocket. I could drink a whole bar and still have this pain. Nothing would ever replace this gnawing whole in my chest. Everything I once cared about pulled away from me before I could really appreciate what I had. Life was a game and I was losing. I don't know how long I laid there with my bottle of rum. But I reached under the bed and there was nothing left. I drank away Jasper's liquor stash and I could still feel the pain. I swung my legs over the bed and stood up. I needed more. I couldn't stop at what I had. It wasn't enough. It wasn't working anymore. I slowly headed down stairs.

"What are we going to do?" Rose asked. I stopped near the bottom of the steps.

"Nothing." Jasper shot back. "Don't believe for a second that any of you know what it's like. She's a wreck. She's lost everything and you bring her back here… you don't tell her… and you just expect her to be okay with it? God it's like you don't know her!" Jasper shouted.

"I'm trying to help!" Rosie cried. I heard footsteps and a muffled sob.

"Is she sleeping?" Edward asked.

"Let her be. She'll come to us if she needs something." Jasper said. He was annoyed.

"Seriously, just let me take her home." Alice said. I thanked them that they were finally on my side.

"No! She's now family and we don't abandon family." Emmett said in a low strained voice.

"Damnit don't you guys see it? We aren't abandoning her if we let her mope for a few days! It'll be what she needs. She needs to wallow! But she can't do that here!" Alice shouted.

"You just want her gone! Both of you! You never liked her." Edward said frustrated.

"That's true." Alice's voice was calmer. "But I still want what's best for her. And that isn't staying here." Alice said harshly. I couldn't listen anymore I hurried back upstairs. I stepped on a squeaky stair.

"Shit!" Jasper said and hurried upstairs after me.

"Bella wait." He said. I was in my drunken stupor so he could have caught up to me if he wanted. I hurried. I reached the door and fell backwards. Hands caught me.

I was being put on a bed.

"Bella?"

"Jazz?" I whispered.

"You drank it all didn't you? I should've known better…" He muttered.

"I can't do this anymore." I said. I would've sat up only I was too dizzy.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"I can't do this anymore. It's too hard." I whispered. My voice was weak.

"What can't you do anymore Bella?" He asked.

**Hit or miss? I'd like to thank Acron9881, Kitasky123 and Zombie's Run This Town. They have given me some great ideas for this story and also they've helped me decide that I'm going to write a Bella and Keenan story after Runaways is finished. Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. Thanks for all the support! **


	30. Chapter 28

_"Destruction is a form of creation... They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart... They just wanna change things."_

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Bella, what do you mean?" Jasper asked. I shook my head. I fell asleep.

************************************************************************************************

I woke up and I didn't know where I was. I looked around. It came back to me. I also left like I just walked into a wall. I sat up and shook my head. I was in Jasper's room. I remembered now. I bolted up and raced for the bathroom. I flew past Rose's room where everyone was sitting. I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

"Does she have the flu?" Rose asked. Everyone was silent. I washed my face and used their mouth wash. I felt like poo. I looked liked poo.

"Bella?" Someone asked. I groaned. The door opened.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine."

Again, I couldn't summon any emotion just pain.

"You don't look so good what happened?" Emmett asked.

"Jasper!" Edward shouted. I winced.

Emmett gasped, "She's hung-over."

"Just shut up everyone! She needed to wallow… she needed an old friend… so it wasn't the best idea but I'm sure it was better than what you all wanted from her." Jasper growled.

"Sometimes I wonder if you even think!" Edward shouted.

"Stop!" I yelled. They silenced at once. "God damnit… just leave me alone! Alice take me home." I asked her. She nodded and she helped to the car. She drove off.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Let me know if you need something." She said. I nodded and got out of the car.

I knew that I needed to change something. I just wanted… I wanted to create destruction. I wanted to tear the world apart… I wanted everyone to suffer like I was. I suppose it would be easier to cope with the pain. There's only one way to find out. But would I be brave enough to take the worlds leaders and therefore the world down with them? It should seem wrong should it not? But at that moment it made perfect sense to me. Me – I was sitting alone in my empty shack of a house remembering my daughter and her father. What they would do if they could see me now? Well this isn't how I pictured it either.

I needed destruction, chaos, pain… I needed something. Anything. I just needed someone to feel worse than I did. I know it isn't sane, my train of thought, but then again… I'm not all there myself, really. I should care… but I couldn't. There was no need to anymore. I could do a bank job, get caught and be thrown in prison the rest of my life and I wouldn't care. It was that simple, I didn't know how to care anymore. It was as if the emotions part of my brain was damaged and all I could feel was hate and pain. I couldn't even get numbness but, I think the destruction could help.

I'm a sick girl. This isn't normal. I should be put in an asylum. With big pad locks on the door.

I got up and looked around for food. I had stuff but I didn't care about eating right now. I leaned against the counter. The more I thought about it the more it made sense. Bring down the world. Prove to everyone that without suffering you can't truly live. Or the other option, refuse to live in a society were people do corrupt things and get away with it, and where good people get punished for things they haven't done. And sinners live freely. Refuse the society like it refuses you.

*************************************************************************************

Weeks went by without any contact from the outside world. I kept hostage in my shack. I didn't do much, I sat around thinking. My phone kept on buzzing off the charts but I never answered it. My voice box was full and I didn't bother to check the messages. They showed up at my house but I locked the door and the windows. I sat on the couch as they shouted to me.

None of this matter, for you see, they didn't hear me. Even though, I wasn't talking to them, I was speaking through my actions which are never as loud as words but I thought it was obvious, I didn't want to talk to them. Much less see them.

But with people, any type of people, they just pretend to not notice the things that are scary or 'unreal' to them. Live with blinders on. I don't. My whole life has been scary and hard, but I'm still here. After my eighteen years of pain and hurt I should at least to be left alone. I ask one thing in all my years, solitude but I don't even get that.

_Bang... Bang... Bang..._

"Bella! For god shakes, I can see you sitting there. Open the damn door!" I stared straight at the wall. Of course my point proven.

"Bella, why are you doing this? You're just hurting everyone!" I couldn't take it.

"Well then maybe you'll have the _slightes_t understanding of what the hell I'm _going_ through! What I've _been_ through!" I shouted as I stood by the window.

"Bella, we just want to help!"

"Jasper, do you even have the slightest idea how? Giving me beer? Not the answer!" I finally was over come by an emotion, hate, hostility, animosity. "No! You don't get it do you? Are you really that dense?" I shouted.

"Damnit Bella! We want to help you but you won't let us in! You won't answer our calls!" He shouted. I clenched my teeth together and raised my fist and smashed it against the window.

Glass few everywhere. It sliced right threw my hand, causing blood to fly everywhere.

"Bella what the hell did you do?" He just stared at me. I couldn't even try to summon the caring emotion. It didn't matter, I didn't feel anything anyways. I sighed.

"Great. I need a new window." I muttered.

"Let me take you to the hospital." He said. I sighed. I got to the car and he sped off. Blood was running down my arm. Ruining the seat. I didn't care. He rushed me into the ER. Someone started stitching me back up.

"How did this happen?" Asked a man. I shrugged.

"Well, the glass cut my hand… I thought it was oblivious." I muttered annoyed with stupid people. I glanced up at the doctor who was smiling. He looked familiar. It was Carlisle.

"Carlisle?" I asked.

"Hi Bella." He said. "So… how's Izzy?" He asked. My face fell.

"Dead." Now his face fell he finished up and I left.

"Bella!" Jasper shouted. I just got in the car and he drove me home. I got and Jasper followed me.

"God damnit, leave me alone!" I shouted.

"Bella, we aren't going to leave you." He said.

"Who said I won't leave you?" I growled. He started at me and grabbed my arm. I yanked free and raced inside.

**Sorry I haven't updated lately… I was just crazed with finals but that's all over now so I'm going to finish this story. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm hoping to finish this story soon.  
Movie I recommend:**

**Donnie Darko**


	31. Chapter 29

"_She told me… She told me that all living creatures on Earth die alone."_

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Jasper was right of course. They didn't leave me alone. They kept showing up camped outside my house. I couldn't leave. I couldn't think. I finally got fed up and grabbed my head phones and headed into the bathroom. I sat in the bathtub and turned on my music.

I needed to do something. I haven't done anything in months. I can't even remember the last time I ate. I started to cry. If Keenan could see me like this he'd be so disappointed. He'd kick my ass. This wasn't me… I was just a kid. I was only eighteen. I should be lively and fun… instead I was dead. I barely made it day to day. I was shutting down. I leaned my head up against the wall.

_HELL._

Everything was so messed up. I wouldn't eat. I haven't sleep in weeks, and it wasn't because I wasn't tired, I was too scared, I'd dream of Keenan or that I wouldn't wake up. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't dream. I sat around trying to keep busy so I wouldn't think of how sleep deprived I really was but not too busy where I'd get tired.

It was a hard line to walk. I was stuck between living in a world that didn't accept me or living in a world that I didn't accept. I couldn't win. I couldn't do anything. I was helpless. I needed to find an out. I needed to leave Forks. Start over new, a place without the memories. I needed… I needed my family.

I was stuck in a vicious circle. Run. Family. Hide. Repeat. I couldn't get out of it. Running away led to needing my family, needing my family led to me hiding, and me hiding led to me running. I was stuck.

Destruction. I knew I had to do something. I walked into the living room. I saw them sitting around the yard as it was getting dark. I grabbed a black sweat shirt and climbed out the back window. I raced through the woods and headed into town.

_I'd start with the school._

The place where this all started. If I hadn't signed up for school, I wouldn't have crazy people sitting outside of my house. I climbed through an open window and found an axe and headed down to the basement. I looked around and made sure I was alone. I started cutting through the pipe. Then I ran into every single room in the school and wrote on the chalkboard, 'THEY MADE ME DO IT'. I was up to my knees in water. I ran out of the school.

I got back home and there were still there. I climbed in and changed and sat on the couch. Someone was still up. I walked over to the kitchen window. It was Emmett. I opened the door. His head snapped towards me.

"Bella, are you alright?" he whispered trying not to wake the others. I nodded. I left the door opened and leaned against the door way.

"Do you need something?" He asked staring at me confused.

"I don't want to be alone tonight."

He nodded.

"You look like shit? Have you slept at all?" He asked softly.

"No."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"The night before I cut my hand."

"That was almost two months ago." He looked worried. I shrugged.

"I didn't open the door to have you belittle me. Just. Shut. Up." I let my annoyance show.

"Emmett, who are you talking to?" Rosie asked. I retreated into the house. I didn't close the door.

"Well, I was talking to Bella but she ran back into the house." He muttered. "Go back to sleep Rose, we've got school tomorrow." He whispered. She nodded and dosed off. I came back to the door.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I admitted.

"You're… Bella, face it. You've finally admitted to yourself that you're alone in this world… and you don't seem to think that anyone is here for you. But god! You are so wrong. We're camping out here every night because we love you and want to help you. We can't if you won't let us."

It was silent for a long minute.

"Emmett let me ask you a question." I said as I walked into the yard and sat across from him on the other side of the fire. "What's the point, if all living creatures on Earth die alone?" I asked. He thought about it.

"Because you don't have to be alone until you die." He said. I shook my head.

"No, the truth is, you're alone ever since he died." I muttered. He nodded.

"But you had Izzy."

"She died, alone. I wasn't even in the room when she went."

"But you were with Keenan weren't you?"

"No. I was showing James something upstairs… or something… I don't really remember the small details. He died alone too."

"So we're all alone in life… so there's no point to even try to make friends. We die alone. Our friends leave us. They aren't there when you need them. Or when you want them."

"But we're here now!" he was so desperate I felt… nothing.

"Emmett…" I whispered. I felt tears fall down my cheeks. "You aren't wanted now." He looked hurt. He looked like he finally understood. I felt…

"Relief." I said out loud.

"What?" he asked.

"I feel something that isn't nothingness or hate or pain. I actually feel relief because when I said that you looked like you actually understood. Like you had a tiny glimpse of my everyday." I muttered.

"Destruction… creation… they _are_ the same thing…" I muttered my thoughts were everywhere.

"Bella, what are you talking about?" He asked.

"Destruction is a form of creation right? Because you have to create the pain and the chaos of destruction… just like if you were to create something like a house. You've got to create it or draw up the plans… right?" I asked him. He nodded.

"So…" He prompted.

"So, some people just want to see the world fall apart… They want to change things." I muttered. I'd create destruction. It was the only way.

"Bella…" Emmett said. I couldn't… could I? I mean… could I honestly hurt people that I once cared about? Or people who care about me?

"I'm so confused. What should I do?" I looked up at him with big eyes.

"Bella… you need help." He said.

"No! I won't go into see someone… I don't want to be like that… I need to be free… I'll… I'm so, so sorry." I cried. Everyone started soothing me. I guess they weren't asleep. Jasper was the first one to get to me.

"Bella… we forgive you… we always have. We know that what you're going through something terrible and hard and scary and painful but we're glad you want help." He whispered. I buried my head into his chest.

I finally calmed down.

**Hit or miss?**


	32. Author's note

Alright everyone… I think I'm going to do well the plan was to do just one more chapter and then an epilogue. But I think I'll do _**at least**_ three more and then an epilogue. I don't want to get all sappy on you guys but, I will.

This story would not be this long if it weren't for all my faithful fans! I just wanted to give a shout out to everyone who reviews my story sends me feed back… you guys are what kept this story going. And it's because of you that I'm going to do a Bella and Keenan story. I am really thankful that everyone has responded for the most part rather positive about my writing and this story. I know it was confusing at times and sad… and I'm sure you didn't like how I have killed off people but, I'm glad those of you who disagreed with my story have stuck with it the whole way to see how it turns out.

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. This story has been tough to write. And this year has personally been tough but with the positive feed back I've been getting from all of you I've been able to keep this story afloat. The story was a lot of long nights but it was worth it to see how many people favorite and review it.

So, I just wanted to say Thank you everyone for being nice supportive people. It means a lot and I hope you can see how much I appreciate it.

P.S. I'm sorry that I haven't been updated lately, our internet was down but it's up and running now.

-Natalie Ochalek.


	33. Chapter 30

"_When you can finally have that final minute, the final time to say goodbye to the one who left too soon, will you take it? Or will you run?"_

**Chapter Thirty**

I'd be lying if I told you this was easy. It wasn't. I'd been doing good. Really good actually. It's been months since the night of the fire. Everyone was helping me. I moved in with everyone, who had moved into Jasper's house. I was finally able to start getting over my grief and focus on living. It was strange.

They kept me in check. But Jasper was always there, for the long nights when I couldn't sleep he'd stay up with me to keep me from freaking out or breaking down.

I got up and headed to the door. I quietly made my way downstairs. It had been a tough week. The school never found out who broke the water pipe. I never confessed. They repaired it and things went on normal. Summer came. Everyone went out and still had fun after I had reassured them that I was fine. Well, everyone expect Jasper that is.

I was getting better but not enough to do any party or even just hang out. I always stayed home, which meant Jasper always stayed home. He'd changed so much since the first time I met him. He wasn't a little kid anymore. It was sad to see him so… so, cynical. He meant well but he's been put through a lot.

Everyone was at a party. I sat in the dark on the couch. I pulled my knees up to my chest. I watched the clock count down until it read, 12:00 AM. I sat there and cried. Today was Keenan's nineteenth birthday and we were going to go to Europe.

"_Martha's guy to Europe?" _ _Keenan asked as we sat on the couch." _

"_They must be planning a trip again." I muttered and smiled._

"_When I turn nineteen you and I will backpack through Europe… sleep on park benches. We'll see the world you and me." He looked over at me and I smiled. _

"_I don't know about you but me sleeping on a park bench? I don't see that picture." I laughed. He chuckled and pulled me into him._

"_Fine, you'll get a hotel and I'll sleep on the park bench outside… You can name the bench." He whispered._

"_It's a deal." I promised. _

"_You're the greatest." He whispered. I buried my head into his side. My face went red._

"_Oh come on!" I mumbled. _

"_Bella?" He said softly. I looked up at him. _

"_Yeah…"_

"_I mean it though. You've got to swear… I want to show you the world… I want to be with you went we're nineteen… promise me, promise me that we'll go." He whispered. I felt my eyes prickle with tears. I grabbed his hands._

"_Keenan," I said in a thick voice as the tears spilled over the edges of my eyes. "I promise that we'll go to Europe and we'll sleep in the park and we'll see the world. We will be together. Nothing, and I mean nothing will ever change that." I whispered. He wiped away my tears and pulled me in for a kiss._

"_Bella…"_

"_I know Keenan." _

I shook my head. I started crying. I dug around in my pocket and found Keenan's note. I kept it with me everyday.

_Isabella Morgan,_

_If you are reading this I am dead. Hopefully you'll never have to set eyes on this. Words stink. They are suppose to be the thread and needle of the English language, sewing words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, and so on, until you are felt with a book, with everything as clear and black and white. Pages roll by effortlessly, and as your eyes slowly take in the words, a picture is painted in your head, and eventually becomes something like a movie, with thousands of frames moving by very quickly, but if you pause it, it becomes just one frame. Just one picture in a sea of million, one sentence in a book. That sentence threaded together. _

_Now back to my point… I'm no good with words. English wasn't my subject… books… words… not my scene… But I'm trying to sew this letter together for you and our daughter (hopefully!). I want to make sure that if something happens to me… even though I know I promised you that you could die first… which so won't happen. At any rate, I wanted to make sure that you would always be okay even if by some freak accident I wasn't there to look after my girls. I'm leaving the house and all of my bank accounts in your name. Seth said he'd help take care of it so Linda and Frank didn't take back what is ours. _

_I want you to be happy and safe. And if you are reading this than I am sorry I have left you two… but I know that we'll be together again. And I also know that you love me even if you cannot say it just yet. I want to you live your life… I want you to find someone who will look after you and take care of you as I would. I know that it doesn't mean you don't love me any less… it just means you'll have some company until we're together again. _

_Hey how's that for sewing words together?_

_I love you Isabella and I hope you're happy and I know you want to kick my butt for making you suffer. I truly love you and I want you to be happy._

_Love,_

_Keenan Swan_

I read the note over again. my hands started shaking. I was gasping for air. I kept inhaling but for some reason I couldn't exhale.

"Bella." I jumped. I shook my head.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"I'm here for you Isabella Morgan."

"No… Keenan, I saw you… you died…" I stammered. I couldn't figure this out.

"I must be hallucinating." I started pacing. He grabbed me and pulled me into him. I could even smell him.

"Bella, I'm here for you." He said. He kept saying that.

"You can't be! You should be with Izzy!" I shouted.

"I'll always be here for you Bella." He said and walked out of the room. I heard someone run down stairs.

"Bella?" Jasper shouted. "what's going on? Who are you shouting at?" he asked as he came and stood next to me. he looked at me and saw me crying and holding the letter.

"Oh Bella." He whispered and pulled me into a hug. Keenan was back, or I was seeing things. Why me? I was finally getting healthy again.

"It's just been a long couple of months, Jazz." I whispered. I looked up over his shoulder and Keenan was standing there.

"No!" I cried.

"What Bella?" He pulled out and grabbed my shoulders and looked at me.

"I'm just overly tired." I whispered but my eyes were locked with Keenan as he was saying, "I just want you happy."

I was hallucinating because Jasper didn't hear Keenan.

"Let's sit down." Jasper said. I nodded.

"He's nice Bella. He's a good guy. But… are you happy?" My head snapped towards him.

"What kind of question is that?" I snapped.

"What are you talking about Bells?" Jasper asked. I sighed.

"I though you said something. I'm going to crash on the couch." I muttered. He nodded and after a few minutes he went upstairs.

"Well?" Keenan asked as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

"I… Keenan, what are you doing here? How is this happening?"

"I already told you Bella, I'm here for you."

**Hit or miss?**


	34. Author's note I'm back

**I'M BACK!!!**

**WE'VE FINALLY MOVED! I'm so glad we've finally moved, which means… that's right everyone I'm back! Wow, now I know it's been ages since I've last updated but that won't be the same anymore. I hope you all saw what I had Brittany write on my profile for me. Now, it's time again to thank all you faithful fans. I'm so glad that even though I've been gone you haven't abandoned the story. So I wanted to give ya'll a big shout out – Thanks so much for keeping this story going… I'd never thought I'd be such a hit. So, I hope everyone's enjoying the story so far, I've been working hard on the rest of Runaways and its going good… and sadly it's coming to an end… but I've always gotten a decent start on the Bella/Keenan story! It will be out after Runaways is finished. **

**So, I've been thinking and since you've all been such great sports about my absence on fanfiction that if you guys like I'll put a preview out of the Bella/Keenan story on the next chapter… just review or private message me and let me know if it's something you guys are interested in. **

**I'm so glad to be back! **

**-Natalie **


	35. Chapter 31

"_They're gonna clean up your looks  
With all the lies in the books  
To make a citizen out of you  
Because they sleep with a gun  
And keep an eye on you, son  
So they can watch all the things you do_

_Because the drugs never work  
They're gonna give you a smirk  
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean  
They're gonna rip up your heads,  
Your aspirations to shreds  
Another cog in the murder machine_

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

The boys and girls in the clique  
The awful names that they stick  
You're never gonna fit in much, kid  
But if you're troubled and hurt  
What you got under your shirt  
Will make them pay for the things that they did."  
-Lyrics to Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

**Chapter Thirty-One**

I'd finally gotten some sleep. It was hard, everyone was watching me. Waiting for me to mess up. I feel like I am under a microscope. It's terrible. I didn't know what to do and just as I would break down Keenan would show. I could feel him, touch him and smell him. He was there. I don't know how but he was.

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked for the millionth time.

"Jazz, damnit! I'm not going to jump off the roof! Go to the gig. I'll hang out here… the quiet will be nice. Maybe I'll go to bed early. I'm fine." I muttered.

"Alright, we've got our phones." He smiled and hugged me. I saw the worry in his eyes. In everyone's eyes. They left.

"So, back to my question which is always ignored. Do you like him?" Keenan asked again. I stared at him.

"What do you want from me?" I whimpered.

"What is this for? For drinking again? For being a bad mother? For not stopping you? What? What did I do?" I cried.

"Bella, you're okay now… and I've told you a zillion times, I'm _here for you_." He said sadly.

"What does that mean? I'm here for you?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Why am I the only one who can see you Keenan?" I whispered. He looked sad.

"Bella, are you happy with Jasper?" he asked.

"He keeps me grounded." I admitted. I liked Keenan. I loved Keenan. Jasper was a friend. A very loyal and good friend. But… just a friend.

"Whatever you need Bella… I'm here for you." He said. It was my hint. Whatever I needed… what did I need?

"I need answers."

"Get some sleep… you're always tired now." He said. He sat down on the couch next to me and pulled me to him.

"Bella?"

I rolled over and slowly opened my eyes.

"Hey… are you feeling okay?" Emmett asked. I nodded.

"I'm just _so_ tired." I whispered. He nodded.

"What else?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I dunno… Just really tired… my head hurt but then I took a nap and it feels better now." I muttered.

"Maybe you just need sleep." He smiled. I nodded. He sat down with me. I noticed he was alone.

"How was the gig?" I asked.

"Good… there's an after party that everyone wanted to go to." He said.

"Everyone?"

"I'm sick of the partying scene but Rosie's just getting into that… I used you as an excuse to leave." He admitted sheepishly. I laughed.

"You want to watch TV?" he asked. I shrugged, "I don't care."

We flipped channels and Keenan popped back.

"Do you like him?" Keenan asked. I glared at him. I turned my head into Emmett's side to get away from Keenan. I mean, I always thought about what I'd do when I'd see him again, if I could… but now that he was back I just wanted him gone. Nothing good could come from seeing your dead ex-boyfriend, right? I mean no one else saw him.

I drifted into a restless sleep.

**Hit or miss?**


	36. Chapter 32

"_In the time of scary things, you always hope the one you love will be there… but what happens when you just want them to leave you alone?"_

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

I heard more voices.

"…How long has she been out?"

"I dunno Edward. She's just tired… always being watched. She needs a break. I can watch her… you guys go to the movies…" Emmett argued. I would be eternally grateful that he was on my side just this once.

"Just go. I can look out for her. She just wants some peace and quiet." Emmett said and he sounded annoyed. I didn't dare wake up.

"Come on Bella. Open your eyes. Help him out." Keenan said.

_He's not really there. He's not really there. He's not really there. _I kept repeating that over and over again in my head. He wasn't there and when I opened my eyes I'd see he wasn't, but not until they left.

"Alright… Call if you need something." Jasper finally said and they all left and I slowly woke up. No Keenan.

"How long was I out for?" I asked as I sat up and realized it was dark out.

"You've been out since last night… it's eight-ish." Keenan and Emmett said at the same time. I sighed.

I needed to figure out why Keenan kept popping up. I couldn't handle it. I needed to know… I needed someone I can trust.

"Emmett…" I started. I locked eyes with Keenan.

"Yeah Bells?" he asked.

"Can I trust you?" I asked. Emmett looked at me and Keenan looked sad.

"Don't do it Bella."

"Of course Bella… What's going on?" Emmett asked now completely focusing on me. I wasn't sure what to say. Keenan looked sad and hurt and Emmett was worried.

"How do you know you can really trust this guy? Bella, I'm _only_ here for you." He kept repeating that as if it would unlock all the answers I had. But he's here for me… that's great but what does he want… I've seen enough movies to know that when people start seeing dead people they are (1) going crazy or (2) the living person needs closure. Well I got my closure, so I must be insane.

"Um… Emmett have you ever lost a family member?" I finally asked.

"Um, no Bells I haven't… why?" he asked.

"I'm not sure… just wondering I suppose." He seemed confused. I couldn't. Just the way Keenan had warned me against saying anything made me think he knew something that I didn't.

"Now… where's the remote." I said looking around the couch for it. Emmett looked worried.

"Bella, its right there… on the table." Emmett said and he looked at me strangely. I blinked and saw it.

"Oh… huh…" I said and shook my head. I flicked channels but my head started to hurt. I rubbed my temples.

"What's the matter?" Keenan asked. I looked up at him. I couldn't answer.

"I've got a bad headache." I was barely able to get the words out. My head was pounding. Even the lights hurt my head. I grabbed the remote out of Emmett's hand and clicked it off.

"Can you get me something…?" I whispered. Emmett left and headed upstairs.

"Bella… are you sure there isn't _anything_ I can't get you?" Keenan asked.

"Keenan, I need to know why are you here?" I asked.

"I don't understand… and… I'm happy to see you but I don't get why?" I asked. My head was about to explode I needed to do something.

"I told you, I'm here for you Isabella Morgan." He said. I couldn't sit there any longer. I ran upstairs to the bathroom just in time to vomit. My head hurt that bad.

"Oh Bella!" Emmett whispered as he held my hair. I sat crumpled around the toilet lying on the floor. I was taking deep breaths. I slowly got up and brushed my teeth. I sat back down on the floor and pressed my face to the cool tile.

"Bella, what's the matter? I need to know how you're feeling…" Emmett begged. I could tell he was struggling to keep from calling everyone.

"I… I have such a bad headache and I don't know what to do… I got one once after Keenan died…" I whispered.

"Call the others they'll be upset." I whispered as to rub my head. I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in the dimly lit light of a night light. Emmett left. I stood but fell back to my knees and started to vomit. Someone came and held my hair. I'd have to thank Emmett for this.

I was leaning over the toilet when I heard footsteps. They got back fast…

"Here Bella, I brought you some water." Emmett said. I was finally able to pull my head out of the toilet. Keenan was standing next to me. He smiled.

"Thanks Em," I whispered.

"Bella, you'll be okay. This will pass." Keenan said as I drank.

"I called Jazz; they're on their way home. He's picking up some headache medicine because we… oblivious don't have any." Emmett looked down.

"Em, I'll be fine… I feel loads better already." I said my voice sounded stronger. I was able to stand. I flicked on the light as I brushed my teeth.

"Bella, you shouldn't lie to him. They should know the truth about how you are feeling. They'll figure it out sooner or later." Keenan said. He sounded just like he had when they were kids.

"I'm going to let you wash up and stuff." Emmett said after a few heart beats of thinking. He closed the door and headed down stairs.

"Keenan, how can I tell them the truth when even I, do not know what's going on?" I asked. "Give me some answer… please." I whispered.

"Bella, I can't." He whispered. I sighed. I splashed water in my face. I turned and Keenan looked sad. I started walking over to the door and he pulled me in for a hug. He was dead. He wasn't supposed to be able to do that. I shouldn't be able to smell him… or feel him. I looked up at him. He leaned down and gently kissed me. I stared at him for a long minute and then I felt the bathroom and headed down stairs.

**Hit or miss?**


	37. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

Days passed and the head ache was getting better. I was practically back to normal. Everyone was watching me, though. It was annoying. I needed to be alone to figure out why Keenan was… _here._ He shouldn't be here but he was. And every time I asked for answers he'd just say he was here for me. Which is very sweet but highly annoying.

I didn't understand. I mean… it was a riddle of sorts but… I just couldn't figure it out. That is all I did these days. I sat around trying to figure out what my dead boyfriend had meant when he told me he was here for me… now where's the irony in that?

I heard a knock on the door. I was pulled back to Jasper's room.

"Hey Bella, how are you doing?" Jasper asked as he came into the room. I shrugged.

"Do you need something?" He asked. I shook my head. I reached my hand out for my glass of water but when I went to grab it my hand smacked the table. Jasper came over and sat down next to me.

"What's the matter?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing Jazz…" I said as I stretched for the water. I held it with two hands like I was five again.

"Bella, I've told you a million times, you shouldn't lie to the poor guy… He's going crazy not knowing what's wrong with you… they all are." Keenan said. He always popped up at the worst times.

"Why don't you get some rest you looked tired." Jasper said. I nodded and I laid down. He left the room and I heard him head down stairs.

"Okay I know you are here for me but what does that mean…?" I asked him aloud as I started thinking. I stared at him and wondered…

I gasped – "You are here _for_ me." I whispered. "Am I… dying?" Keenan just looked sad.

"I'm here as long as you want me to be here…" He whispered as he sat down. "Bella… you need to go to the doctor… Please?" He said with big eyes. I looked up at him and sighed. I slowly made my way downstairs. Keenan was closely behind me with a hand on my back.

"I need to go to the doctor…" I said and I barely made it too the living room before I collapsed.

**Hit or miss? **

**I'm sorry for such a short chapter! The next one will be longer I promise!**

**Songs I recommend (I know there are a lot of songs):  
Mango Tree - Angus & Julia Stone  
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid – The Offspring  
If That's Alright With You – Tom Felton  
Sometime Around Midnight – The Airborne Toxic Event  
Feel Good Drag – Anberlin  
Phenomena – Yeah Yeah Yeahs  
Barracuda - Heart**


	38. Chapter 34

"_Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." – James Dean_

**Alright, everyone… now I know that maybe last chapter some of you saw it coming and maybe you didn't but please don't hate me! Anyways I'd like to dictate this chapter to world renowned actor James Dean. He was a great actor. **

Chapter Thirty-four

I woke up feeling slightly disoriented. I heard this strange beeping sound. I wondered if the alarm was set for some strange reason. I sat up and looked around. I looked down and there was and IV in my arm. I realized I was in the hospital. I tried to recall what happened last night.

I just keep remembering glimpse, not the whole picture.

"Bella just relax…" I leaned back against my pillow.

"Bells…" Just wanted him to go away. I remembered… Keenan was here for me… I was dying. My nagging headache was back. it hurt so bad I needed to do something.

"Head…" I muttered. I opened my eyes and saw a bed pan under my nose, in good timing too. I vomited.

I heard someone come running into the room.

"You call?" Said a voice, which only made me vomit again. I fell back against the bed as I opened my eyes and saw a doctor.

"Hello Bella." The doctor said. It was the same doctor who had been with me while we were here for Izzy.

"So, I hear you've got terrible headaches?" He asked. I nodded. "Do they hurt so bad that you have too…" He said.

"Vomit?" I asked soundly unlike me. I was more cynical.

"Yes." He said. I nodded.

"We're going to run some tests… but before we do that you're friends would like see you." He said and smiled and backed out of the room. I laid there enjoying my silence.

"Bella… come on now…"

"Just shut up." I snapped. Everyone came in and Keenan stood on my left side.

"Hey Bella!" Jasper said as he came in and hugged me. "How are you feeling?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Alright." I muttered. Everyone fussed over me. I just stared at Keenan who was leaning against the back wall staring at me. Looking solemn and scared. I wanted to make him feel better but I was the only one who could see him so… there I was stuck wanting to help but not sure how too.

I went to get tested. Nobody was in my room expect Keenan.

"Alright, would you like me to send your friends in?" asked the nurse.

"No… I'd actually like to sleep a little… I've got a terrible headache." I said. She nodded and headed out and closed the door.

"Keenan… why do you look so scared?" I whispered feeling scared myself. I wanted to know why I was dying… but I wanted to know why now.

"Because Bells… this is tough watching you go through this… knowing you'll be in pain." He whispered.

"Keenan… I'm fine." I whispered.

"I know you are… Bella… I know." He whispered as the door opened.

"Bella… I got the results back… I thought you'd like to know." He said as he shut the door. He looked sat. I waited.

"You've got stage four brain cancer." He said slowly. He kept speaking but I didn't understand what he was saying. I have brain cancer.

"That's what's causing the headaches?" I asked.

"Yes… and you may be having hallucinations. Which would better explain this." He said. I nodded.

"So, what do we do?" I asked.

"Radiation… it'll be rougher stage two radiation but I think it'll help… you'll be tired and groggy. But it should terminate the cancer with out brain surgery." He said. I nodded.

"Should I send your friends in?" he asked. I shook my head, "I need a minute." I said. he nodded and left the room.

"Keenan…" I whispered, he'd disappeared. "I'm scared now." I said. I'd finally fallen asleep waiting for him to show up.

**Hit or miss?**

**Movie I'd like to recommend:**

**Watchmen **

**Defiance **


	39. The Sneak Peak

**Alright everyone, here's the sneak peak to the Bella/Keenan project (I haven't though up a title name yet… but I am taking suggestions if you've got any!).**

**Here's a little background on what this story will be. It's going to be Bella's life before she moved out to Forks. (At least that's how I see it now.)**

**Sneak Peak.**

"_Isabella Morgan, I love you and I'm gonna marry you someday." Keenan said. We were playing outside on the swings. I was in the third grade and Keenan was in the fourth grade. He always told me that he was going to marry me._

_I laughed, "Whatever you say Keenan." Of course I liked him. He was the coolest cat in the fourth grade._

_{Present Day}_

"Bella…" Keenan called. "We're gonna be late!" He shouted as he headed upstairs.

"Bella…" Keenan griped as he saw that I was still laying in bed.

"Keenan… let's stay home today!" I said as he plopped down next to me.

"Bells…" He said. I sighed. I tossed back the covers. I didn't realize it until I was in the middle of my room that I was in my underwear and a tiny tank top. I felt the heat creep into my face. I grabbed my uniform and hurried to the bathroom to change.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I threw on a little foundation and eyeliner and ran past Keenan.

"Let's go!" I shouted. I was totally shocked by the awkward moment in my room. We raced down stairs and jumped into his new car. He just turned sixteen. We started driving and we didn't talk much… well we didn't talk at all.

"So… what's going on tonight?" I asked as we drove. I could no longer handle the silence between us. It was Friday night and our weekends were never boring.

"Linda and Frank are away so we'll be there." Keenan smiled and parked the car. Keenan was never very close with his parents.

He slung his arm around my shoulder as we headed off to class. We took our seats in English.

Keenan and I were friends. He was only into one-night stands. He was my best friend. He always use to tell me that he loved me and he would marry me. That ended in eighth grade when he became the overly protective big brother. I liked him. I always would. I just hoped he'd see it as well.

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The rest of the day went by quickly and when Keenan and I were around each other we kept a good distance from each other. It was the same way as we headed out towards the parking lot.

"Keenan!" James hollered. We got closer and he smiled.

"My lady." He smiled suggestively and nodded his head. I laughed at him. James was such a jokester. "Hey James." I smiled back. I sat on the back of the truck they were hanging out by. I glanced at Keenan. He was beautiful. His black hair was falling into his eyes. His beautiful stunning blue eyes. He was tall and well built. I glanced away.

"…so I'll pick up extra beer and we'll be at your place around seven." James smiled at me.

"Remember, if there are any doors shut you stay out." Keenan said. Everyone nodded. That was the only rule Keenan ever had. There was one room in his house that he always kept the door shut. Nobody ever went in it. I always wondered what was in there but I never asked. I said goodbye to everyone and we walked back to the car. It was silent.

Keenan stopped outside my house.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Keenan asked softly. I glanced at him and his blue eyes were full of pain.

"Isabella you can trust me." He sounded hurt that I wouldn't open up to him. But I was always like that. Afraid of being hurt by the world.

"It's nothing really." I whispered as I glanced out the window. I felt him take my hand.

"Bella… look at me." His voice barely above a whisper. "Whatever happened, whatever I did… I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you… you know that right?" he asked as I finally looked into his blue eyes. They were hidden behind his simple square black frames.

"I know Keenan." I whispered. He smiled and we got out of the car and headed in to my house.

**************

**Well, what'd you think? Now, I'm not going to post The Bella/Keenan project until after Runaways is finished. Now remember I'll take any suggestions for names if you've got any. Please let me know what you think! Hope you all enjoyed the sneak peak.**

**-Natalie.**

**Songs I recommend:**

**Monday Morning – Mama's & the Papa's**

**Straight Shooter – Mama's & the Papa's**


	40. Chapter 35

**Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated in ages. It's just things are crazy around here. I have an up coming birthday on the 13****th**** that's put in a bit of funk… I'm not sure why but it has… at any rate… I've been trying to figure things out. But I'm back now and I'm terribly sorry about the wait. Hope you all enjoyed the sneak peak to the Bella/Keenan project!**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Now these are the quotes that inspired this chapter – **

"_All you care about is destruction!" – "And all you care about, you destroy."_

"_My name is Terra and I have done horrible things. I have sworn to the dark master. I have obeyed his every command and committed crimes in his name, I have betrayed and attacked everyone who used to be my friend. One-by-one I have destroyed them. And with no one left to stop me I have brought an entire city down to its knees. My name is Terra. I have done horrible things… and I have absolutely no regrets."_

"_If god saw any of us that night he didn't seem to mind. From then on I knew… God doesn't make the world this way. We do."_

"_How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned."_

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Chapter Thirty-five

_My name is Bella. And I do not know if I will live out the day. I have done terrible things. I have betrayed all the people I once called my friends. I have looked the other direction when terrible things have been done right before my eyes. I turn and look the other way. No one will see me. No one will talk to me. I have hurt people I care about. And everything I _cared_ about is destroyed. My name is Bella. And I have done terrible things… and I have no regrets._

~OOOO~

I was scared. I was on the brink of this endless cliff about ready to dive in when all I needed is a friendly face. But let's face it. I've done horrible things. I've betrayed everyone I once called a friend and now, they don't want anything to do with me. But I do not regret it. I did what I had to do to survive, its human nature. Not even my hallucination Keenan will show up. He hasn't been here in days… as well as my former friends.

And I know that when you do terrible things and you've lived your life recklessly that it catches up with you in the end but let's face it. I'm an eighteen year old former mother who's facing deadly brain cancer and I haven't got a friend in the world to sat here and hold my hand. Even my lover, best friend… superhero wouldn't want to see me… even though, he's only in my mind… he wasn't ever coming back.

So I stared at the white walls of my room as I waited. I waited to die. I waited for news. I waited for an answer. I waited for someone to come. I simply waited. It seems ironic now that I'm on my death bed, everything I once fought so hard to keep safe… things I cared about are now completely or almost destroyed. My world was disintegrating right before my eyes.

But at some point you have to wonder, why did God let it get like this. Now that brings up the question of: is there a God? And I have to think that everything that has happened. And every terrible thing I've done or witness that, God obliviously didn't care; for if he had seen anything that happened then he would've stopped it right? It makes me wonder why the world is how it is.

The doctor came in and whisked me away to do some test. All morning, I was being poked and prodded like I was cattle. But yet that wasn't what bothered me. What bothering me is how I couldn't understand this? I couldn't figure out why everything so terrible was happening right now top of each other. First Keenan, then Izzy… now me? This had to be a sign of some sort. I must have done something wrong. I wasn't a good girlfriend to Keenan so he was taken away from me. Or perhaps I wasn't fit to be a mother and so Izzy was taken from me… that I can barely handle… but why take me from this Earth last? Why not have taken me at first and let the other two live. Why make the other two suffer for my sins? But even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. No fear. _Ha-ha! What a joke._

After a few intense hours of testing I was brought where I was told to sleep. But I haven't sleep in days. Insomniac seemed to be over coming me. I haven't sleep since I last had visitors. It probably wasn't healthy for me to not sleep but it wasn't as if I wasn't tired. I wanted to sleep but for some reason, I was awake. Awake and scared. I just laid there on my bed thinking. Not talking to anyone, not watching TV… I just sat there by myself and though. I thought about death. I leaned my head back as I rolled my head to the right as I stared out the window.

"Bella, how are you feeling today?" I heard and unfamiliar voice.

"I'm fine." I muttered annoyed that some doctor was here to poke and prod at me again.

"Well, I'm your new doctor… I'm Doctor Berkeley." This doctor looked younger than my last doctor but older than me. He was tall with full black tousled hair. His eyes were bright blue and he looked sad. I merely nodded.

"As I'm sure you know, I'm Bella." I muttered to him after a few moments. I had returned to gaze out my window.

"Bella, have you gotten any sleep since you've been here?" He asked as he looked at my chart and then at me… and back to the chart.

"I've gotten enough." I said in a bored voice. My eyes didn't move from the window.

"Is everything alright…?" He tried again. My eyes flickered to the new doctor.

"Of course, from where I'm sitting it's a picnic." I said still sounding bored. Doctor Berkeley looked even sadder.

"I've come to talk to you about your tumor…" He said slowly.

"Huh, why that's shocking." I said with a faint smile on my lips. He pressed on as if I hadn't spoke. "Now, there maybe something we can do. If we can locate the tumor I may be able to get into your brain and remove the tumor… but in order to do that…" He paused for a minute waiting to see if I'd react.

"I need to have a hallucination." I simply stated.

"Yes…" He explained exactly what he'd be doing inside my head. From what I understood he'd cut open my head and go into my brain and carefully remove the egg/tumor. It was an egg because these wormy guys were living in them… So once the egg/tumors broke open the worms would start eating away at my brain. It seemed simple enough.

"But what's the risk?" I finally asked as I looked at him. I wasn't stupid I knew that this would have to come with some serious risks. I knew that they had some idea where my egg/tumor was but I wasn't sure where yet, since they deiced not to tell me that. I looked back toward the window.

"You're a smart girl Bella…" He mumbled to himself. Then in a louder more clear voice he said, "Well I have to cut into where your memory is. That part of the brain is very tricky to maneuver in. If we are correct in where we assume the tumor is then there is a small chance of your speech being affected." He said. He explained in more detail how that might happen, but I wasn't listening. There was a chance I could live… Should I take it? I had three choices; either, the surgery works and I have to live through hell as some punishment of sorts, or, I have an egg break open and they can't find the worm and it starts to eat away at my brain… or lastly, the surgery kills me and I'm done with all this mess.

"So, Bella… what do you think?" Doctor Berkeley finally asked. I shrugged as I glanced out the window, "I'll think about it." I said with my rather bored tone. Doctor Berkeley I could tell was disappointed that I wasn't more excited about living, but then again he didn't know my history. Nor was he going to.

He finally recovered from shock and left the door shutting the door behind it.

_{Nobody's point of view}_

"What am I going to do?" Doctor Berkeley asked as he stood at the nurse's station. Haley sighed, "I don't know James." She whispered. "There's obliviously something wrong with the poor girl. She's going to die either way… I'm not saying it like that James… you're a great surgeon, but even if you do get in there… the chances that the eggs won't break… it's just too high of stakes… why do you think you go her? We always get the patients that are going to die." Haley said while looking at Bella stare out the window. Other than her breathing she was laying perfectly still.

"That's all she does all day." James whispered.

"How long have you been watching her?" Haley asked.

"Since she got here. I wondered how she could stay so calm about it all. She hasn't slept since her friends last came… and I haven't seen her talking to herself lately so that means her hallucination hasn't been around for a few days either…" James sighed and took a deep breath.

"And you're worried you won't be able to find the tumor even if she agrees to it?" Haley asked. James simply nodded. He wanted her to live. Bella was in his mind, too young to die. She could have a family and she could get married. He wanted Bella to have that chance at that happiness. He wanted her to live. He's lost so many patients this past week that he couldn't handle losing… in his eyes… a baby.

Haley patted his shoulder. "Just forget it James… This is just a death week… It's just God's way."

"No… I don't believe that and neither do you." James said as Haley was about to walk away. She slowly turned around and stared at James.

"What?" She asked. James knew that Haley was a religious person, which is funny because in medicine it's all science but Haley always believed that it was God's will.

"Because Haley, then if God could see any of us this week… then he obliviously didn't mind what we've been doing… or rather not doing. And you know as well as I that God didn't make the world this way. We did." James said. He watched Haley stare at him. She hated having to question her fait like she was now.

"You're wrong James Berkeley, so wrong." She whispered in a low voice before she headed off. James stood there staring at Bella.

_{Bella's point of view}_

I wasn't sure if this is what I wanted but I suppose it couldn't get much worse. I knew what I had to do now. I felt my eyes water up. I shook my head and turned my gaze back towards the window.

"Bella…? How are you feeling?" Asked a soft voice of that new doctor.

"Fine." I said sounding yet again bored.

"Did you decide what you want to do yet?" He asked. I slowly turned my head and looked at him.

"What the hell, I'll have the surgery… but I want you to promise me something." I said in all seriousness. Doctor Berkeley just waited for me. "If after the surgery I turn into a vegetable and I'm gaga and drooling from my mouth completely unaware of what's going on… I want you to promise me that you'll pull the plug on me." I said for the first time, looked into his bright but sad blue eyes. He was silent for a long minute until he finally spoke, "Are you sure?" he asked, "What about your family?"

"Promise me." I said.

"I promise." He said. I nodded. He told me to get some rest and he'd be back later to try and find the tumor. I instead just turned back towards the window and watched as a vanilla twilight engulfed the sky.

~OOOO~

Doctor Berkeley and a nurse named Nurse James were waiting for me to see Keenan. They hooked me up to this machine. I wasn't paying any attention to what it did as the told me. We sat around for hours.

"James… it isn't going to happen." Haley snapped. I didn't look at her.

"Just relax." James said as he stared at me.

"Leave." I muttered. They both stared at me in shock that I spoke the first time in almost an hour.

"What?" Haley asked. I sighed and finally looked at her. "If you don't want to be here and wait for me to see my…" I paused and swallowed hard. "…See my hallucination then get out of my room." I said harshly. She looked at James who shrugged.

"Haley… just do as she says… this is hard enough as it is…" When Haley didn't move James looked up at her with a pleading look. "Please?" He begged. She sighed and casted me an evil glare as she left the room.

"I don't want her in my OR." I spoke calmly as I stared out the window. I had them face the chair I was sitting in towards the window.

"Why not?" James asked.

"Because, I said so." I muttered annoyed.

"Come on Keenan… where are you?" I whispered. I was sure that James could hear me as I saw him look up at me in his chair.

"Damnit." I muttered.

"Who is Keenan?" He asked as he stared at me. He looked tired as if he too wasn't sleeping anymore. I froze looking out the window not sure how to answer it.

"Come on Bella, just tell Doctor Berkeley who I am… surely he'll understand." I whipped my head around to the left and stared at the voice.

"Keenan, now you finally decide to show up." I muttered.

"What not happy to see me I take it?" He asked with a smile on his lips.

"No, no… I'm happy to see you… just thought you stopped showing up since you said… and…" I mumbled but was interrupted when James shouted, "I've got it!" I glanced over at him looking bored.

"Bella, we can go into surgery tonight." He smiled. He left the room and said a nurse would be in to prep me for surgery.

"So you're going through with this…?" Keenan asked as he leaned against the wall. I stared out the window.

"Yes… I've got nothing left to lose." I stated matter-o-factly.

"What about your friends? School?" He asked seeming sad about something.

"Keenan look around… my _friends _aren't here." I said.

~OOOO~

_{Nobody's point of view}_

"Alright, I'm in the brain." James said. The OR was quiet everyone carefully watching Bella. Haley wasn't in the OR. She was sitting in the room above the OR watching James save lives. Keenan however was standing there holding her hand… At least Bella thought so as she was finally asleep.

James carefully worked his way into the tumor area.

"I'm grabbing the first tumor." James muttered. He went in and grabbed the first of three tumors. The first two came out just fine. While extracting the third he grabbed it too hard and it broke open. The worm started to swim away from him.

"Shit." He cussed. Everyone looked worried.

"Just wait." He nearly growled. He went after the worm that was loose in Bella's brain. Bella's vitals started to drop.

"She's dropping." One of the nurses said softly.

"Just wait." James said again. He saw the worm and grabbed it and carefully pulled it out.

"Got it." He said as he paced it with the other tumors in a bowl. He did one last look as he smiled up at the room.

"How does it feel to save a life?" He smiled as he closed her head up. Bella was brought back to her room where James waited for her to wake up.

James sat down in a chair and waited to see if she remember anything… but he fell asleep.

~OOOO~

_My name is Bella. And I do not know if I will live out the day. I have done terrible things. I have betrayed all the people I once called my friends. I have looked the other direction when terrible things have been done right before my eyes. I turn and look the other way. No one will see me. No one will talk to me. I have hurt people I care about. And everything I _cared_ about is destroyed. My name is Bella. And I have done terrible things… and I have no regrets._

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**Well, hit or miss? I tried to make this chapter longer… I figure there is only one or two chapters left to this story. Please let me know what you are thinking. **

**Here are a few songs that greatly helped me crank this chapter out:**

**Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron & Wine  
Meteor Shower – Owl City  
Fireflies – Owl City  
Vanilla Twilight – Owl City  
There Are Places I Remember – Beatles  
Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton **


	41. Chapter 36

**Hello everyone, I just wanted to thank you for all the reviews.**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A few quotes that helped with this chapter – **

"_Trust is something easily broken but difficult to build." _

"_It is simple; there is good and there is evil. There are those who commit crimes and those who try to stop them. Both sides are opposites; as different as day and night, and the line between them is clear. Or at least it's supposed to be." _

"_I won't stop. Not now. Not ever. I am the thing that keeps you up at night. The evil that haunts very dark corner of your mind. I will never rest… and neither will you." _

"_Skies will burn. Flesh will become stone. The sun will set on your world, never to rise again."_

"_Your time in this world is over human. Time to lie down with the rest of the bones."_

"_And in your darkest hour  
I hold secrets flame  
We can watch the world devoured in its pain"  
-Lyrics to The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning (Smashing Pumpkins)_

"_This is to one last day in the shadows  
And to know a brother's love  
This is to New York City angels  
And the rivers of our blood  
This is to all of us, to all of us"  
-Lyrics to Angels on the Moon (Thriving Ivory)_

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Chapter Thirty-six.

_My name is Bella Swan and I have brain cancer. I cannot remember much, but I do remember that I am not going to die. I am to live while the rest of my house perishes. My name is Bella Swan and I wish I had died._

~OOOO~

_{Nobody's point of view}_

"James just go home and get some rest!" Haley nearly shouted. James finally looked away from Bella. She'd been out for a few days.

"Haley… she doesn't have anyone." James stared up at her feeling extremely sad for her.

"James, you can't get attached to your patients. We're doctors, not best friends." Haley said. She was always rather distant with her patients. James on the other hand was always friendly to his patients but Bella didn't want his friendship… or even care which made him feel even worse for her.

"Haley, she has got no one… I will not leave her until she wakes up. Wouldn't 'God' call this a good deed or something?" He asked.

"I don't know… but just leave it alone… God obliviously didn't want her to have anyone." Haley said as she looked at Bella with disgust clearly on her features.

"Get out Haley… Don't be such a jerk." James said in a low voice as he sat waiting for Bella to wake up.

"Fine James…" Haley kept talking but James stopped listening to her. He merely stared out the window; trying to figure out why Bella was always looking out it.

It was late and James was a wreck. He hadn't been able to sleep ever since he performed the surgery on Bella. She hadn't so much as moved, not even a twitch. She stayed perfectly still much like she had these past few weeks. James just sat around wondering what happened to Bella to make her this way…

It wasn't like she had wanted James's friendship… she actually wanted nothing to do with him.

"Come on Bella… wake up." James whispered. He waited for a long minute. He finally leaned back against his chair and waited. He stared at the white walls of her room as he waited. He waited for news. He waited for an answer. He waited for someone to come. He waited for her to wake up. He simply waited.

Days pasted by and it's been almost a week since Bella has woken up. James was staring to freak out. He left Bella's room for the first time in days. He went over to the nurse's station and got some coffee.

"James, you look terrible." Mute said. Mute was another doctor.

"Bella hasn't woken up… and she made me promise that if she didn't get better that I'd pull the plug on her…" James whispered as he looked up into those big green eyes. Mute understood the pressure he was under as a doctor. But she also sensed that James was clinging on to Bella for other reasons.

"James, can I talk to you?" She asked as she grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs. They didn't speak until they got onto the roof. She finally let go of his arm. James had taken Mute up here one time. Just once.

"Why did you bring me up here?" He asked with a low voice.

"Because, I remember you pulled me up here and told me that your little sister died of brain cancer while you were in high school… I also know that, that is why you became a doctor… But James, Bella isn't your baby sister… You've got to let her go." Mute whispered. James turned away from her and looked over at the city.

"I know Bella is not my sister Mute. My sister is dead." His voice was ice cold. Mute just waited quietly for the storm James was about to unleash.

"But Bella is a baby! She's too young to die Mute! I won't let her die on me. She could have a family… a kid… a husband… A CHANCE AT HAPPINESS!" He shouted. Mute just stood there not sure how to tell him.

"James… Oh James… don't you know?" She whispered quietly as she too started to get tears in her eyes. James turned around as his eyes sparkled.

"Why are you crying Mute?" He whispered. James had always had feelings for Mute but never did anything other than 'just friends'.

"Because, I don't know how to tell you this James." She whispered. She took a deep breath and pressed on. "Bella had a four year old daughter… She came in here last year… Her daughter died of bone marrow cancer…" Mute brushed away her tears and she took a shaky breath. "And the girl's father died when they were young… before their daughter was born… Bella lost the love of her life and then she had to raise her daughter… who died… and now she's dying… James, she's been through enough… Her happiness is gone… and I just didn't want to tell you." Mute cried. James just stared at her. Bella, baby Bella… has been through it all. He quickly walked over to Mute and pulled her into a hug.

"Mute…" He whispered but didn't finish his thought. He just held her as she cried. Finally after they pulled themselves together they slowly headed back down stairs to check up on Bella. There was no change with her when James got back. He sat down in his chair and waited for something to happen. He would not give up on her. Not yet.

James just stared out the window.

"No change yet?" He did not remove his eyes from the window. "No." He answered his voice sounding bored.

"She'll wake James." James finally looked up and saw Mute. He smiled at her as she handed him coffee.

"Thank you." He whispered as he sipped it.

~OOOO~

It was almost dawn now and Bella hadn't moved for a week. James put his hands in his face as he sat there.

"Come on Bella, wake up." James begged. When she did nothing he quickly left the room and headed towards the roof. Mute walked in and sat with Bella, knowing James wouldn't want her to be alone.

"Come on Bella, James needs you to wake up." Mute whispered. "You've got to wake up now okay? You've got to be here for him… I know you may not understand but… he needs you awake okay?" Mute whispered.

"I'm up…" Bella muttered. A cheeky grin broke across Mute's face.

_{Bella's point of view}_

"Come on Bella, wake up." James begged. I wanted to wake up and I wanted to tell him that I was awake but I just couldn't. I wondered how long I'd been out. I figured it was for a couple hours. I heard footsteps into the room.

"Come on Bella, James needs you to wake up." Said a woman's voice I did not know. "You've got to wake up now okay? You've got to be here for him… I know you may not understand but… he needs you awake okay?" The woman asked again.

"I'm up…" I muttered as I slowly opened my eyes. I saw a woman with long red hair and bright green eyes smiling at me.

"Hi Bella." She smiled. She started checking me over. "The surgery went well, James got all the tumors out and you should be good… we just need to know that your memory isn't damaged… your speech seems to be find… I'll find James…" She smiled. She muttered something under her breath about the first time he leaves my side is when I wake up. I stared at her for a second and looked out my window and saw the city. The sun rising above the town. I laid back and closed my eyes.

I heard footsteps coming into the room.

"Hi Bella how are you feeling?" Doctor Berkeley asked with a smile.

"Good Doctor." I smiled as I looked from the window to him. "How was the surgery…?" I asked him. I saw his face fell. I stared at him for a few minutes but I only saw his face get sadder. I looked back towards the window.

"It went fine Bella. I removed all the tumors and you should be good to go. We just need to know that your memory isn't damaged." He said as he tried to smile. I nodded. He looked over my chart and fiddled around with things as I merely stared out the window. I vaguely heard him muttered something and leave.

I was alone again. I stared around my room waiting for answer. I needed to know how the surgery went. I waited for Doctor Berkeley to come back and tell me. I saw him enter the room looking a little less tired than earlier.

"Doctor Berkeley… how did my surgery go? Am I clear?" I asked him. His smile fell off his face.

"Bella… don't you remember? I already told you…" He said. I stared at him. I didn't remember. "You're okay… I removed all the tumors… but I just needed to see how your memory was." He whispered. I nodded. I can only remember things for a short time and then I forget again.

_My name is Bella Swan and I have brain cancer. I cannot remember much, but I do remember that I am not going to die. I am to live while the rest of my house perishes. My name is Bella Swan and I wish I had died._

**Hit or miss? **

**Some songs that helped me write this chapter:**

**Gimme Some Motivation – Delta Spirit  
****Fearless (Huo Yuan Jia) – Jay Chou  
Angels On The Moon – Thriving Ivory  
****The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning – Smashing Pumpkins**


	42. Chapter 37

**Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been updating very well. Well, I'm trying to update quickly but with school coming closer and this concert I've got coming up, things are pretty crazy around here. But the chapter is finally here. Enjoy.**

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**Some quotes that helped me with this chapter – **

"_Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." – James Dean_

"_It works, amazing! So do guns but we do not test them out on our poor, unsuspecting children."_

"_This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' … and I'll whisper 'no.' They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or President Truman. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the dropping of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody Hell, and those liberals and intellectuals and smooth talkers … and all of sudden nobody can think of anything to say." – __Rorschach_

"_How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned." – Alexander Pope (I know I use this quote a lot, but I think it fits into the story quite well.) _

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Chapter Thirty-seven 

_Sometimes, all it takes is a few hours, in my case all it takes is four hours. In just four hours your life can change so completely you never thought it possible. You could win money. You could find your soul mate. You could pull a bank job. Or you could die. In just four hours you can go from feeling perfectly healthy to not breathing. In just four hours._

_{Nobody's point of view}_

Bella was still in the hospital. She was having trouble remembering. James and Mute worked franticly to try and improve her memory. It has been a long couple of days and it was finally starting to take it's all on all of them, but mostly Bella.

James and Mute were standing in the hall way by the nurses' station while they sipped their coffee and watched Bella through the window.

"She's not remembering anything and… she seems to be tired lately… I don't understand." James said as he sipped his coffee. Mute simply shook her head at a loss for words.

"Mute, go home and get some rest… you look awful." James said. Mute nodded and they said goodbye as James headed back in there by Bella.

"How are you feeling today?" James asked. He went threw the same questions he'd be answering for the last week when he finally snapped.

"Bella, why are you always staring out that stupid window? Why do you not care?" James nearly shouted. Bella closed her eyes for a moment before she returned an ice cold stare to James.

"Believe me, I care." She said in a voice so low he thought she growled at him. She returned towards the window and her face stayed emotionless.

"See, you never show any emotion! I mean hell, what's the point?" He shouted. James just wanted Bella to be healthy again. Bella closed her eyes as he continued to yell at her. James just stared at her as she tried to compose herself, a tear slipped out from under her eyes and slid down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry Bella… that was way out of line." He whispered. She simply shook her head.

"You know what, it doesn't even matter because, as you said before, soon I will forget everything. What's the point?" She whispered as her face became impassive again. She looked out the window. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

_{Bella's point of view}_

Doctor Berkeley, the bloody git that he is just spend the last five minute yelling at me. It had been a tough morning I wasn't remembering anything but now… the only think I could think of was his face and how upset he had been. I wondered what I had possibly done to make him that upset. It had been almost four hours since I'd last seem any doctors or nurses. I wondered if they were leaving me alone. Usually they check on me… well I don't know, actually… it just seemed like they were leaving me alone.

Berkeley's harsh words kept running through my head. _Why don't you care? Show some emotion Bella! Why even bother helping you? You don't want it. you won't even look at me. All you do is stare out that stupid window! What the hell's wrong with you?_

I knew some of his words were right but they still hurt. I thought he was actually on my side. But actually, no one was. I was alone in this because of some god for shaken thing that I've done or haven't done… I'm not quite sure since I have NO IDEA! It was maddening not understanding why this was happening to me. I shook it off. I leaned my head back into my pillow.

I started to feel dizzy. My mouth suddenly got dry. I sat up and looked for some water but I felt… strange. The room started to spin. I needed to do something I swung my feet over the bed and ran to the little bathroom and vomited. After I felt less dizzy I splashed some cool water in my face. I slowly walked back out towards my bed.

I was about to reach the bed when I started to sway from where I stood.

_{Nobody's point of view}_

Bella came back from the bathroom and dropped to the floor unconscious. She laid on the floor looking, oddly enough, as if she was sleeping. Doctor Berkeley came running in.

"SHE'S CRASHING! GET A CRASH CART!" He bellowed as he picked Bella up off the floor and started doing compressions. This girl would not die on his watch. People started to fly around him as they tried to get Bella stable again.

"Why's she crashing?" Mute asked as she ran into the room. James looked up at her and took a deep breath, "I do not know." He whispered. Everything was in a rush.

"There's too much pressure in her brain! We've got to drill in… the blood is pooling up and if we don't relief the pressure, she'll die!" Mute said. I stared at her for a long minute.

"Let's take her to the OR." I shouted. Mute shook her head, "James, we do not have time." She shouted over the chatter. I sighed. I took off Bella's head dress and grabbed the drill and drilled into her brain as the blood started to flow out. She stabled out again as we drained the blood. But, she was in critical condition, these next few hours would be pivotal. It was hard for James to sit there while Bella had tubes down her throat helping her breath. He took a deep breath as he sat down and waited for her to wake up.

Now, all we had to do was wait.

~OOOO~

_Sometimes, all it takes is a few hours, in my case all it takes is four hours. In just four hours your life can change so completely you never thought it possible. You could win money. You could find your soul mate. You could pull a bank job. Or you could die. In just four hours you can go from feeling perfectly healthy to not breathing. In just four hours._

**Hit or miss? Well everyone, I hope I didn't disappoint. There will most likely be two or three chapters left. **

**Songs that helped with this chapter:**

**99 Red Balloons – Gold Finger  
La Camisa Negra – Juanes  
Blinded By The Light – Manfred Mann **


	43. Chapter 38

**This chapter might be slightly confusing because I will be bouncing from flashbacks to the present time. But hopefully to make it easier on you **_**ALL FLASHBACKS WILL BE IN ITALICS**_** (and all flash backs are in Bella's point of view). Hopefully it won't be too terribly confusing. Sorry for the long delay in putting this chapter out.**

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**Quotes for this chapter:**

"_Music can change the world because it can change people." – Bono_

"_It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition." – Bono _

"_The less you know, the more you believe." – Bono_

"_To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater." – Bono_

"We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong." _– __Bono _

"_Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source." – Ron Nesen _

"_It's a game of deception. That's all life is – Deception."_

"_That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still  
Something to save.  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions  
You still have."  
- Lyrics to Savior (Rise Against)_

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_Previously on Runaways –_

_Bella came back from the bathroom and dropped to the floor unconscious. She lay on the floor looking, oddly enough, as if she was sleeping. Doctor Berkeley came running in._

"_SHE'S CRASHING! GET A CRASH CART!" He bellowed as he picked Bella up off the floor and started doing compressions. This girl would not die on his watch. People started to fly around him as they tried to get Bella stable again._

"_Why's she crashing?" Mute asked as she ran into the room. James looked up at her and took a deep breath, "I do not know." He whispered. Everything was in a rush._

"_There's too much pressure in her brain! We've got to drill in… the blood is pooling up and if we don't relief the pressure, she'll die!" Mute said. I stared at her for a long minute._

"_Let's take her to the OR." I shouted. Mute shook her head, "James, we do not have time." She shouted over the chatter. I sighed. I took off Bella's head dress and grabbed the drill and drilled into her brain as the blood started to flow out. She stabled out again as we drained the blood. But, she was in critical condition, these next few hours would be pivotal. It was hard for James to sit there while Bella had tubes down her throat helping her breath. He took a deep breath as he sat down and waited for her to wake up._

_Now, all we had to do was wait._

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Chapter Thirty-eight

_My name is Isabella Morgan-Swan. I have seen things that most kids cannot dream of. I've been there and back again without breaking a sweat. I have done terrible things and I have betrayed all who use to trust me. I, Isabella Morgan-Swan am a terrible, terrible person. But yet, I seem to forget all the horrible things from my past when I try to remember what this world has forgotten. I cannot seem to remember the scars on his face or how they came about. I cannot remember much. But I do remember that my name is Isabella Morgan-Swan and I am a terrible person… but I do not regret a single moment._

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_I sat there staring out the window waiting for my friends to come back. They just had to run out for something but I knew they weren't coming back. I knew that they didn't want to see me for the terrible things I've done… and what I've done to them. They most likely cannot stand to be around me. Knowing that I will die from what's inside my brain. _

_They do not want to be near when I die. They want to get on with their lives without me pestering them. They need to be alone and finally they found an out and they… are going to take it. It isn't surprising I suppose, I knew they'd have to leave sometime… I just always hoped that they wouldn't leave me before I left them. _

_School would be starting up soon and I wouldn't return for my senior year… hell, I wouldn't make it through my senior year… I wasn't naive, I knew that I was dying and I knew it was coming rather quickly. So I simply started to change. _

_I don't think I realized it… but I became cold hearted and emotionless towards everything. I was indifferent to everything. Never having an opinion about anything. Of course it was rubbish. _

_Slowly I became distant. I became what you shouldn't become… I just completely stopped caring. There comes a point in your life when you just cannot bear to care about anything anymore. Most of the time that point comes later in life… but for me it came all too soon. _

_I needed someone to come and sit with me and tell me I can do this. I didn't need my friends to give up on me. But they did… I cannot blame them, I was terrible and I did terrible things, but yet I have absolutely no regrets._

_I simply waited for the day I would die._

~OOOO~

"Come on Bella… wake up." Doctor Berkeley whispered. It had only been a half an hour after Bella had gone into cardio arrest. James and Mute got her stabled out again but she was in critical condition. James wanted to help her… wanted her to wake up and wanted her to live… but he was losing faith in her.

As the seconds ticked by he just wanted to walk out and work on someone else. He'd become too close to Bella and was loosing interest in her. She never cared about anything. Always indifferent and James couldn't understand why she wouldn't fight. It was as if she couldn't fight. She should fight and James would do everything in his power to keep her fighting through the night. These next forty-two hours would be the pivotal hours of her remaining life. They would basically determine whether she would live.

Bella needed to fight. Bella needed to be strong.

~OOOO~

"_Hey Bella! How are you feeling?" Jazz smiled as he peaked his head in the door. I rolled my head over and saw him. _

"_Hey Jasper… I'm okay you?" I asked trying to make small talk. He sat down at the edge of my bed and smiled down at me but it didn't reach his eyes. I noticed that he looked sad. I felt like he was going to leave me._

"_So, how is everyone?" I asked not wanting to talk about me or my tumor. He gave a slight chuckle, "They are good… school's started and everyone's busy but they send their wishes and hope to see you again in school soon…" He smiled. I nodded. He was distracted. Something was wrong._

"_What's the matter Jazz?" I asked in a soft voice. I looked into his eyes like I was trying to read his soul. He held my gaze as he stared back at me for a few heart beats before he spoke._

"_It's just that things are crazy right now… and I'm not sure when I'll be able to visit you again… I was hoping you'd be better in time for school." Lie. __Liar, liar, pants on fire. Liar, liar, stop your soul from catching fire. __Or is it, Liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire? I wasn't_ sure. _I suppose it's both._

"_Bells… are you okay?" He asked. I shook my head. "What are you thinking about?" he asked as his eyes probed my face._

"_I was trying to remember if it's, Liar, liar, stop your soul from catching fire… or if it's liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire." I told him honestly._

"_Now Bella, why on earth would you be thinking about that?" He asked with a smiled. I smirked back at him faintly. _

"_Because, I'm trying to figure out why you're lying to me." I whispered feeling extremely weak. I closed my eyes for a minute._

"_Bella… I'm not lying to you." He said as my eyes fluttered open and I saw that his eyes held guilt. I would not call him out on it. We both knew he was hiding something. _

"_How is Alice?" I asked trying to change the subject. I saw his face turn hostile and then pale and back to hostile. _

"_Why?" He sneered. I wondered why he was mad at me… I was trying to make small talk._

"_Um… I dunno… I haven't seen her around lately… Emmett and Edward and Rosie dropped in the other day to see me… I haven't seen Alice in ages… I was worried…" I muttered staring at his eyes realizing why he was weird. He was with Alice… I don't see why he'd hide that, from me. _

"_Alice is just fine." He snapped. I stared at him. "Hey man… just relax. I didn't mean anything by it." I said trying to figure out why he had this look in his eyes like he wanted to kill me. If looks could kill, I wouldn't be breathing right now._

"_Don't. Save it. I came by to see if you've changed at all from what you've been through but apparently losing Keenan and losing Izzy have been lost on you for you don't seem to care!" Jasper shouted fuming at something that snapped inside of him. I stared at him unable to speak. Did he honestly think that losing the two most important people in my life didn't matter to me…? Was he crazy? I missed them every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. He was absolutely insane._

"_I mean come on Bella! Wake up!" He shouted now pacing around throwing his hands up in the air exasperated. "No one has been here in awhile because we're sick of coming to save you every time you fuck up! Why don't you understand that we don't want to pick up the pieces when you fall apart! You are never there for us! You never cared about us and you know it! All you cared about is yourself!" He shouted as he glared at me with a look of pure animosity. _

_I felt the tears gather in my eyes. I couldn't speak because I didn't even know what to say. I shook my head._

"_You're wrong Jasper. You are so wrong! I didn't want your help when I came back from Arizona. I didn't want any of your help but you did anyways. I was in a tough spot! I lost my daughter… and you don't know what that's like… but it's terrible. But you guys wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to tell you to leave me alone but you wouldn't. I tried to tell you that I was helpless but you wouldn't have it. And now… I don't need you to pick up the pieces because it's your lucky day… I'm dying Jasper and soon enough you won't have to worry about me anymore. I do not need to be saved. All I need is to wait until my day comes." I said in a low voice it was almost a growl as the tears raced down my checks. _

_Jasper started shouting at me but I couldn't really even hear him anymore. Everything just started to go numb. That's when a Doctor came running into the room and forced Jasper to leave. Once he got back I had composed myself and was staring out the window._

"_Hello, I'm your new Doctor." He smiled. I glanced at him and returned to the window. I no longer wanted to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone until I died. _

~OOOO~

"Just relax James." Mute said as she came in and sat down in an empty chair.

"I just…" James muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. "I can't hang on to her for me… she needs to start fighting, Mute." James looked like he wanted to believe that she'd pull through this but even he could see that it wasn't going to happen. If Bella did wake up, she'd still have to do treatments and stuff and… if she didn't want to then she'd die slowly and painfully. She just could not win.

"James…" Mute said but stopped knowing full well that there was nothing more to be said. She just prayed that Bella would wake up and help James recover from his funk. She hated seeing him like this.

Mute and James sat around for hours not talking but just waiting for Bella to move or to wake. She did neither. James was about ready to get up and leave but he'd look over at Mute and he'd stay put.

~OOOO~

_I sat alone in my room. Emmett, Edward and Rosie had just left. They all seemed somber as if they would never see me again. I didn't understand why at first but after they left and leaving behind a ringing silence I had some time to think. _

_I realized after an hour of sitting and staring around the white walls of my room that they were never coming back. I don't know how I reached this conclusion but somehow I just knew. I knew that my 'friends' were not coming back to check up on me later. For some reason, I would be at this alone. _

_I suppose, I did something to piss off a god of some sort. And I suppose that I should care but I just don't. I tried to be a good mother to my daughter, I tried to be a good girlfriend to Keenan… and I tried to be a good friend to my 'friends'. But I was doing something wrong. I simply don't understand what I did to deserve this?_

_I have done terrible things but I do not deserve this. Someone should be here to sit with me and tell me that I'll be okay. I need someone to tell me that I'll be okay. Even Keenan, real or not… has not shown up in days. There is a change of winds and I can no longer hold my ground._

~OOOO~

"Come on Bella… you can get through this…" James whispered. He glanced towards Mute who fell asleep in her chair as he added in a voice even lower, "You've got to… For me." Bella did not move but James left that she had heard him. He wanted to believe that Bella would get better.

He had to believe she'd get better. He was the only one who had any faith left in her. Everyone else had stopped showing up. She was completely alone in a terrifying world. James would try to help her as much as he could. She just needed to wake up.

~OOOO~

_My name is Isabella Morgan-Swan. I have seen things that most kids cannot dream of. I've been there and back again without breaking a sweat. I have done terrible things and I have betrayed all who use to trust me. I, Isabella Morgan-Swan am a terrible, terrible person. But yet, I seem to forget all the horrible things from my past when I try to remember what this world has forgotten. I cannot seem to remember the scars on his face or how they came about. I cannot remember much. But I do remember that my name is Isabella Morgan-Swan and I am a terrible person… but I do not regret a single moment._

**Hit or miss? Well the story is coming closer and closer to the end? What are your thoughts? I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing, but I was trying to show why Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rose and Edward have stopped coming. If this chapter isn't too confusing I might do another chapter in a similar style. **

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Savior – Rise Against  
Liar, Liar (Burn in Hell) – The Used  
I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) – The Used  
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight – U2 **


	44. Chapter 39

**Hello! Sorry it's been such a long time since I last updated. I'm also going to style this chapter like the last one. **_**ALL FLASH BACKS WILL BE IN ITALICS!!!**_** ***I also have a poll up on my profile about if I should do a side story, just a one-shot about how/why Bella's friend's ditched her at the hospital.*** But, here's the next chapter hope you enjoy!**

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_Previously – _

"_Come on Bella… you can get through this…" James whispered. He glanced towards Mute who fell asleep in her chair as he added in a voice even lower, "You've got to… For me." Bella did not move but James left that she had heard him. He wanted to believe that Bella would get better._

_He had to believe she'd get better. He was the only one who had any faith left in her. Everyone else had stopped showing up. She was completely alone in a terrifying world. James would try to help her as much as he could. She just needed to wake up._

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_Once, a very long time ago, when I was kid. There was this crazy old little lady, her name was Grandma White. Nobody new her 'real' name but that's what we called her. And once, on a dare I was to run up to her house and ring the bell and run. But… when I got up there she was standing in the middle of the road. My friends were waiting watching nearby. I walked over to her and asked her, 'Are you okay?' she didn't answer but motioned for me to come closer. I did. She leaned in and whispered something in my ear. I nodded and walked back towards my friends and we took off racing down the hill back to our tree fort.  
When we got back everyone was like, what'd she tell you? And I answered simply, '__She told me… She told me that all living creatures on Earth die alone__.'_

Chapter Thirty-nine

"_Hey Bella!" I smiled as I saw a tall figure leaning by the door._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked as he came over and sat next to my bed. He shrugged. "Edward… seriously what's going on?" I asked him. _

"_I dunno… it just felt weird with you not being at school today so I figured I'd come and visit you." He said with a sheepish smile. Edward was definitely the one I missed the most. He'd been the most helpful to me since I was put in the hospital._

"_So kido, how's the brain?" He asked. I shrugged. I never liked talking about my brain worms. But that never stopped Edward. He'd press the subject until he was happy with the information I gave him. And if I couldn't remember or didn't tell him everything he waited until a doctor or nurse came in and asked them the questions I hadn't given accurate information on._

"_They're still in there." I muttered. He sighed. "Edward, I don't want to talk about it." I griped. He shook his head._

"_No, I care about the state of my friend." He said. He walked out and I saw him talking to a nurse at the nurse's station. I sighed. He finally came back into the room and sat down with a satisfied smile._

"_Do I want to know what you just did?" I asked as I flopped back onto my pillows._

"_You're doctor will be in here shortly to explain what's going on." Edward smiled. I rolled my eyes._

"_Brazlefrat." I muttered, as Edward chuckled. _

~OOOO~

James sat there waiting. He'd been sitting in Bella's room for almost three hours. She hadn't woken up yet.

"Come one Bella." James whispered as he rested his elbows on his knees. Finally after hours of nothing he just wanted to give up. He put his head into his hands.

"James… what's the matter?" Mute asked. James just shook his head.

"Mute, I can't do this many more… it's too hard waiting to see if she'll wake up. It's too hard not knowing if she'll ever be awake again…" James said. He looked up and Mute saw how much this was tearing him apart.

"Go get some coffee. Go home take a shower… relax and I'll page you if something happens." Mute smiled warmly. James stood and gave Mute a hug.

"Thank you so much. You're really wonderful you know that?" James whispered quietly. Mute didn't answer mostly because she was too stunned to speak. James left after one last squeeze. Mute took James's spot and waited.

"Bella, he needs you to wake up… you've got to help him out… You've got to help him because for once, I can't do it." Mute whispered as she silently wept.

~OOOO~

_I rolled my head back over and looked out the big window to the nurse's station. I saw Mute and James standing out there talking glancing back at my window. I sighed. James just needed to leave me alone. I didn't want him to get attached to me. I was going to die and I needed to die. It was my time and after a point you've just got to accept it. I have and he should as well._

_I felt so bad for him. I just wanted him to not be upset. He came in here and he was happy or tried to be… but his eyes were very expressive and gave him away. I just wanted to tell him not to worry about me that soon enough things would be okay. _

_I looked back out my window. _

"_Hi Bella." James whispered. I smiled as I stared out the window. He was so much like Keenan that even though my hallucinations were gone, he'd come back to me in another way. _

"_Hi." I whispered back. I rolled back over and looked at James. He was, er seemed genuinely happy, today. It made me smile._

"_Today's a good day today." I smiled at him._

"_You're rather chipper." He smiled. I shook my head. "So, how are we feeling this afternoon?" He asked as he looked over my charts._

"_Not too terrible." I said._

"_That's good news." He said. We sat around and he talked to me… not about what was going on with my brain but just genuinely talked to me about the world, new, weather, sports. Anything and everything. I suppose, this is the happiest I've been in a long time. I finally started to get tired._

"_Hey Berkeley…" I muttered as my eyes fluttered closed. "Don't leave." I muttered as I fell asleep._

"_I won't Bella. I promise." _

~OOOO~

Mute waited with Bella but she showed little change. Mute just simply waited. She did not know what else to do.

_{Stranger's point of view}_

I knew that I should be here. But I knew that something was wrong with Bella. I just felt that if I didn't see her soon, I might never see her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I was sorry about everything. Sorry, I stopped visiting when she actually needed us. Sorry we helped when she didn't need us. Sorry, I was such a crappy friend… But mostly I just sorry I didn't get a chance to know her better. I stood outside the hospital doors all day. It was finally get late so I turned back and headed home.

I'm a big fat chicken. I just couldn't face her. Knowing she was battling something much worse and painful than I can believe. I just wanted her to know I was there for her. I pulled into the driveway and everyone was at the house. I sighed; for once I just wanted to be alone. I parked the car and sat on the porch. I knew I should go back. I needed too.

"Hey… where have you been all day?" I sighed.

"I'm sorry… I just needed to do some stuff." I muttered to my hands as I stared up at the starry sky. She sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"How's Bella?" She asked in a soft voice. I simply shrugged. "I never actually went in." I muttered feeling more cowardly by the minute.

"Oh."

"I'm going back there…" I muttered and before she could speak I was zipping down the street. I was back at square one. I sighed. I held my breath as I walked into the hospital. I went up to Bella's room. I saw a girl… I believe she's a doctor waiting in her room. I saw her Doctor walk in to her room and take the other chair.

I waited for a few minutes and then I saw Bella spring up and her eyes found mine and for a split second she started at me. and then she started shaking and seizing.

"HELP! SHE'S CODING!" The man shouted as a bunch of nurse's came running for Bella's room. I simply stood there and watched the whole thing. I was frozen by my fear and was stuck watching Bella thrash around in pain.

Bella cried out in pain and then it got silent. A nurse closed the door and the blinds. I just blinked and stood there.

~OOOO~

_Once, a very long time ago, when I was kid. There was this crazy old little lady, her name was Grandma White. Nobody new her 'real' name but that's what we called her. And once, on a dare I was to run up to her house and ring the bell and run. But… when I got up there she was standing in the middle of the road. My friends were waiting watching nearby. I walked over to her and asked her, 'Are you okay?' she didn't answer but motioned for me to come closer. I did. She leaned in and whispered something in my ear. I nodded and walked back towards my friends and we took off racing down the hill back to our tree fort.  
When we got back everyone was like, what'd she tell you? And I answered simply, '__She told me… She told me that all living creatures on Earth die alone__.'_

**Well… I'm almost ninety percent positive that the next chapter will be the last chapter of Runaways. I just wanted to say thanks for all the support of my faithful fan without whom this story wouldn't have been this long. And does anyone know who the "Stranger" in this chapter was? Hope you guys are diggin' it.**

**Songs I recommend – **

**Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar  
People C'mon – Delta Spirit  
Walk Like an Egyptian – Bangles  
Manic Monday – Bangles  
Scarborough Fair/Canticle – Simon & Garfunkel**


	45. Another Author's note

Hey everyone, I know it's been a really long time since the last time I've posted anything but for some reason I just cannot finish the last chapter to this story. Now I'm working on it and I have like six different half versions of the ending and nothing seems right. I'm so sorry everyone if you have any suggestions I'd gladly take them. Again everyone I'm trying really hard to get it out. Bear with me people it will get done, I promise.


	46. The last Author's note

Hey everyone, I know it's been I think now, close to a year since I've even tried to work on Runaways. Yes, I know that's not good, but I'll be straight with all of you, the last chapter is no doubt the hardest chapter for me to write. But I promise you things have settled down now so I promise all of you that I will look at it and try to finish this story. If anyone has any ideas as to how I could finish it, believe me I would love to hear it. I think that this next chapter will be the end and then I have an epilogue but I'm pretty sure it won't be much more than that. But the Bella/Keenan Project (Working title, if you have suggestions I will take those into consideration if you're willing to share) is the next thing I plan to work on. I'm sorry dearies for the delay of the story and I hope you all haven't completely lost interest in it. It's coming soon.

Thanks for being supportive through my lapse of writing. And to make it up, the last to chapter will be special.

Natalie


	47. I'M BACK!

ALRIGHT EVERYONE! I'M BACK! I plan to reread the story and finish it. I've got some time on my hands, and I want this FINISHED! As I'm sure all of you do as well! Thanks for all the support through the years of trying to finish this bloody story! Hopefully you will be satisfied in the end. And I might even do that story about Bella's past as well!

THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! I MEAN IT WIHTOUT YOU GUYS I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS!


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